Realizing a lot about my heart. Especially the depth at which I love.. and feel. How is it possible to feel like this is my greatest strength and weakness all at once, but I guess that just summarizes the confusion and paradox of my existence. “Love has only ever bore rotten fruit in a garden I’ve tended to all my life.” I wrote that about 2 years ago. And I’m feeling it heavy today. Man sometimes I hate how naive I can be, I assume genuine intentions in people who want to experience me as a means to an end, with something to gain in sight. I have so much love to give but I think the issue (and solution?) is that I see greatness. In everyone. This has caused me to overlook red flags, to assume the best. And somehow I always end up feeling used in some way. Worst feeling in the world. I get approached not because people see my soul (in the context of love) but because people want something from me. Whether that’s my essence or a quick ego boost it’s all so superficial. And sitting here with this icky feeling is making me realize how much I do not want that. My heart aches actually, and gosh I’m trying to have hope for partnership but if I’m being honest 98% of me is screaming that I want nothing to do with it. Ur girl is ready to retire lol. This heart of mine I feel is precious, but it can be over giving and a tad bit naive. And that hurts. And while that is true I know that my heart is the most beautiful thing about me. Anyway just thought I would share incase anyone else resonates. I just have to say this collective.. u guys have shown me true love. For the first time in my life. RECIPROCAL love. Trying to see beyond the tears as I write this. But from the bottom of my heart.. I love everyone of you. And if this is the love I get to experience in this life.. well that’s more than enough for me. Love u forever Jhadina
Jhadina
Realizing a lot about my heart. Especially the depth at which I love.. and feel. How is it possible to feel like this is my greatest strength and weakness all at once, but I guess that just summarizes the confusion and paradox of my existence. “Love has only ever bore rotten fruit in a garden I’ve tended to all my life.” I wrote that about 2 years ago. And I’m feeling it heavy today. Man sometimes I hate how naive I can be, I assume genuine intentions in people who want to experience me as a means to an end, with something to gain in sight. I have so much love to give but I think the issue (and solution?) is that I see greatness. In everyone. This has caused me to overlook red flags, to assume the best. And somehow I always end up feeling used in some way. Worst feeling in the world. I get approached not because people see my soul (in the context of love) but because people want something from me. Whether that’s my essence or a quick ego boost it’s all so superficial. And sitting here with this icky feeling is making me realize how much I do not want that. My heart aches actually, and gosh I’m trying to have hope for partnership but if I’m being honest 98% of me is screaming that I want nothing to do with it. Ur girl is ready to retire lol. This heart of mine I feel is precious, but it can be over giving and a tad bit naive. And that hurts. And while that is true I know that my heart is the most beautiful thing about me. Anyway just thought I would share incase anyone else resonates. I just have to say this collective.. u guys have shown me true love. For the first time in my life. RECIPROCAL love. Trying to see beyond the tears as I write this. But from the bottom of my heart.. I love everyone of you. And if this is the love I get to experience in this life.. well that’s more than enough for me. Love u forever
Jhadina
2 days ago | [YT] | 4,716