I think i’m gonna stream myself walking the route i took when i tried running away from home. i keep having nightmares and flashbacks about it, and I already go up to my old neighborhood occasionally anyways. It’s quiet up there, but it’s also so so far away from everything. I don’t remember how long I was out there for, I just remember being scared and desperate to get away from my parents.
I wish the cops never brought me back to them. They said that, since I was only 17, that I still “belonged” to them, and that we live in a place where parents hitting their kids was justified ““within reason””, which they considered my case to be. They sat me down at the dining table across from my parents and left. I’ll never forget the awful feeling I felt when I realized what was happening. I’ve been terrified of my parents ever since, even though they ‘apologized’ and have since seemingly forgotten about the whole thing.
But I can’t forget. No matter how hard I try to, I can never forget.
That night changed something deep in me and memories of it have haunted me for almost a decade now. It’s so clear in my head and sometimes, when it’s particularly bad, I feel like i’m there all over again and freeze up. Going back there, paradoxically, makes me feel better. Returning on my own terms I think gives me a sense of agency I wish I had back then. It helps that the path is lovely, especially at night. I couldn’t see it when running away cause my glasses broke and everything was out of focus, but I walked it often on normal nights and still love how peaceful it is when it’s dark.
My head has been a mess recently and maybe doing this will help clear at least a bit of it.
Masina
I think i’m gonna stream myself walking the route i took when i tried running away from home. i keep having nightmares and flashbacks about it, and I already go up to my old neighborhood occasionally anyways. It’s quiet up there, but it’s also so so far away from everything. I don’t remember how long I was out there for, I just remember being scared and desperate to get away from my parents.
I wish the cops never brought me back to them. They said that, since I was only 17, that I still “belonged” to them, and that we live in a place where parents hitting their kids was justified ““within reason””, which they considered my case to be. They sat me down at the dining table across from my parents and left. I’ll never forget the awful feeling I felt when I realized what was happening. I’ve been terrified of my parents ever since, even though they ‘apologized’ and have since seemingly forgotten about the whole thing.
But I can’t forget.
No matter how hard I try to, I can never forget.
That night changed something deep in me and memories of it have haunted me for almost a decade now. It’s so clear in my head and sometimes, when it’s particularly bad, I feel like i’m there all over again and freeze up. Going back there, paradoxically, makes me feel better. Returning on my own terms I think gives me a sense of agency I wish I had back then. It helps that the path is lovely, especially at night. I couldn’t see it when running away cause my glasses broke and everything was out of focus, but I walked it often on normal nights and still love how peaceful it is when it’s dark.
My head has been a mess recently and maybe doing this will help clear at least a bit of it.
9 months ago | [YT] | 4