*Note - Violent crime must have been perpetrated against a helpless individual.
1 week ago | 2,300
Step 6: click through six-step combat training module
1 week ago (edited) | 2,900
Having smeared feces in Capital building gets leadership positions.
1 week ago | 748
If you also can’t legally go within 500 feet of a school and have a restraining order, that’s the trifecta that will gain you leadership roles.
1 week ago | 469
The Onion REALLY needs to start checking its sources... It's actually TWO violent offenses And ONE insurrection
1 week ago | 2,300
Ability to follow any order unquestioningly is a plus.
1 week ago (edited) | 167
even better chances of being picked to join if you were labeled the school bully or if your IQ is regarded as "under average"!
1 week ago | 275
Applicants will be disqualified if they can run a mile in under 17 minutes.
1 week ago | 29
Finally a quick and easy tutorial to join the SS- I mean ICE! Thank you onion
1 week ago | 790
Just show up. The standards are lower than Springfield's Nuclear Power Plant.
1 week ago | 157
step 6: confirm prior history of alcohol and/or steroid abuse
1 week ago (edited) | 357
step 1: get rejected by the army step 2: get rejected by the PMCs step 3: get rejected by the cops step 4: commit a hate crime step 5: background check for hate crime step 6: you're hired
1 week ago | 235
Looked into working there. Learned they exclusively hold senior positions for J6’ers, Proud Boys, and Neo-Nazis. A history of violent crimes only takes you as far as Junior positions.
1 week ago | 187
Have you ever want to be a cop or in the military but your public school Aptitude Tests were all in the negative and you just want to make your mom roommate family proud of you, because you're not a failure, you're really not!!!! Join ICE!
1 week ago (edited) | 80
"If filling out the application form presents a challenge, candidates may instead demonstrate how hard they can punch a dog" This bit is brutal. Accurate, but brutal
1 week ago | 15
The Onion
How To Join ICE theonion.com/how-to-join-ice/
1 week ago | [YT] | 40,386