chloe / liam . ☕️

hi guys!! just wanted to talk about something’n ^_^

You wanna know why I stopped editing and posting consistently? Not school, well, part of that. But I’ve been going through a shit ton these past few months, almost a year now I think.

I did get extremely burnt out from editing everyday, but it’s not just burnout. My life had gone in a completely different direction ever since then.

I had gone out with my friends, none of them knew I was coming. And then, her. We’ll call her what, Jolie? That’s her name, right? She ruined everything for me. Telling me I couldn’t hang out with MY friends. That I made. Who chose ME?

Anyways, ever since that, I listened to her. I stopped talking with my friends. I was alone now. No one to speak to. Everyone was in one class too, while I was all alone. And you know what happened? No! It DIDN’T get better. Infact, it got worse.

This “avoiding my friends” thing got SO BAD, I ran and hid from them. I wasted my breath running from MY OWN FRIENDS, ladies and gentlemen. I had NO ONE to speak to, my parents tried so hard to get me to talk to someone. I was scared. TERRIFIED of a bunch of middle schoolers. I ran, hid, averted my eyes. When they weren’t looking, I watched their every move.

Then, I stopped avoiding them. You might think “Yay! Everyone’s happy again!” Nope. It only goes more downhill. I avoided everyone. I isolated myself in my room for hours on end after school, on weekends, I never went outside, I refrained from leaving the house. I was so bored, so lonely. I wouldn’t talk to my own family. I was rude to them, I gave them attitude, I gave them faces. I was rotten now.

Early May, I made the biggest decision of my life. I decided to change school right when 7th grade started. I was going to block myself out of everyone’s memory, break friendships. I was going to be forgotten. I would be one of the kids everyone says “Remember Chloe?” I recall being so upset telling my friends I was changing schools. I hid it well though, with my happy, funny, laughs at every little thing, loud persona. Everyone brushed it off too.

June 16th. Last day of school. As always, I put on my happy smiley persona. I wasn’t going to cry, I wasn’t going to feel. I was just going to be happy. So I didn’t cry. Everyone knew I was leaving them by the way. The whole grade. 75 children. You know how many people I said bye to? 5. You know how many people cried for me? 2. Sophia, Daphne. I felt loved, but I didn’t react. Not one bit. All I could do was smile and say “I’ll miss you too.” I left before anyone else. That day. Everything went wrong.

This summer, I was severely depressed. I struggled even more with basic hygiene. I smelt, I didn’t wear deodorant consistently, I stopped brushing my teeth, I didn’t wash my face, I didn’t even change consistently. There would be days I was trapped in my room for days. You know how long I stayed home in bed? 4 straight days. 4 days of not changing, not brushing my teeth, probably only one shower that whole week. I was STRUGGLING. August had to be the worst month of the summer. I started having suicidal thoughts. I wanted to rot in my bed until I die so bad. I was still so rude to everyone. Every person in my family thought I hated them. My grandpa, my grandma, my sister, my own mother. I was mean.

Now, I’m one week into seventh grade. I have no friends so far. Every girl but me talk with everyone. I feel so awkward, so out of place. Only the annoying kid who everyone hates talks to me. But atleast I’m better with my hygiene and I’m more happy, right? No. I’m failing with my hygiene again and I’m not happy. It’s all an act. Every time I appear happy is an act until I realize again I’m not happy.

Tags:
‪@akitostan69‬
‪@wonderlibby.‬
‪@ocefurii‬
‪@disventurecamplovee‬
‪@PenguZStudios‬
‪@valsqzs‬

3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 2



@LAKESTANN

That is horrible of what they are doing to do, the treatment of your own “friends” is horrendous and I’m glad you’re not going to them. But, you need to talk to someone about your feelings, not them but like your family, maybe some of your online friends (?) you can’t really keep are your feelings to yourself because from experience, it makes you worse, it can make you sensitive and with a horrible mind set. But I still truly feel bad for you and I really hope you get better soon, but please it’s better to talk to someone your trust even if it’s hard just try and that’s all that I would hope for you to do <3 (also to get better, I hope you become happier and grow as a person, stronger as a person 🫶

3 weeks ago (edited) | 0  

@mizisuahan0

Well jolie was a piece of shyt, i hope your doing well on your own and have the courage to stand up and take care for yourselves, your life wont change until you change it! Were here and dont be afraid of social anxiety, always be your best if you have any more concerns you can just tell us :)

2 weeks ago | 0  

@disventurecamplovee

I really hope your okay, and even if you don't post daily, I will still support you and your channel. ❤️❤️

3 weeks ago | 0