I'm no longer participating in body positivity

"It's like rain" almost ruined my night

Magician?

This is Adam, his favorite thing is Shrimp. That's it and that's all. No further questions.

Joan would have wanted his girlfriend to cater her funeral, I'm almost positive

Building a campfire for someone is the OG Tinder

I'm a puppet guy now

I miss straight friends too tho

please don't ruin my favorite breakfast sandwich #eastcoast #baconeggandcheese #standupcomedy

Weird stuff happening in Rancho Cucamonga #cybertruck #elonmusk #california #funny #comedy

Emily's high school bully used to give the football players Yoke Jobs #crowdwork #funny #comedians

But why was the Rabbi hiding in the bushes?! #seminary #jewish #funny #crowdwork #comedy

We have to teach them values at some point #standupcomedy #funny #comedian #recycling #parenting

Do you want to be in a throuple? Come to Human Romance at The Comedy Store #datingshow #comedy

I'm sorry, I just got too excited I think #crowdwork #comedy #standupcomedy #funny

If you agree with Evan, you have to say #bidet #comedy #funny #crowdwork #standupcomedy #comedian

Which coast has a better sense of "humidity"? East or West? #standupcomedy #funny #eastvswest

It's nice to be friends with your in-laws #funny #standupcomedy #crowdwork #inlaws #brotherinlaw

My parents lost me in the mall A LOT when I was a kid #standupcomedy #funny #kids #badkids

Would you go on a date with this man? New Human Romance at The Comedy Store 5/23 #datingshow #comedy

My new special "Come To Find Out" is out on 800 Pound Gorilla! Watch it for me? #special #comedy

Raven didn't make the cut but maybe you can at the next Human Romance show on 5/23 #datingshow

Tell every single person you know that the Human Romance is back at The Comedy Store 5/23 #comedy

If i were to guess I'd say they no longer speak to that guy #comedy #crowdwork #funny #divorce

Put the Roomba away #standupcomedy #comedy #roomba #funny #aigirlfriend #ai #jokes

Same last name as my dad so it's a no go #donttellcomedy #standupcomedy #jokes #funny #marriedlife

I think I got her real good #comedy #standupcomedy #donttellcomedy #jokes #23andme #dnatest #prank

I'm gay for my bidet #standupcomedy #donttellcomedy #funny #bidet #jokes #standup

I love my wife's big fat ass #standupcomedy #standup #funny #marriedlife #wifehusbandcomedy

Send this to someone who just took their shirt off in public 

Still looking for good news #standupcomedy #funny #flightattendant #goodnews #comedy

I think we're all bad people? #comedy #standupcomedy #jokes #funny #kendricklamar #drake #notlikeus

This is actually my good news too #standupcomedy #funny #crowdwork #hawaii #volcano

Trust fund guy "DOES GOLF COURSE" for work #crowdwork #standupcomedy #funny

This is what I look like doing my job and now I know that #standupcomedy #existentialcrisis #funny

This teacher teaches teachers how to teach #standupcomedy #crowdwork #funny #teacher

Did you think this joke would hit harder or...? #standupcomedy #funny #threesomes #cake

Rick is gonna save this country #standupcomedy #funny #trump #america

It's not looking good for my man Jason #datingshow #standupcomedy #funny #prosecco

HUMAN ROMANCE TONIGHT AT THE COMEDY STORE! COME GET HOOKED UP! #comedy #datingshow #funny

HUMAN ROMANCE TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE COMEDY STORE! GET HOOKED UP! #datingshow #standupcomedy

Next time we stick to the cards... #datingshow #standupcomedy #funny #traumabonding

Would you go to a forest for a first date? #standupcomedy #datingshow #valentinesday #dateideas

I don't know if it's gonna happen here, bud... #standupcomedy #crowdwork #dating #funny

How to stop a crackhead from robbing a bank #standupcomedy #crowdwork #funny #bankrobber

Looking forward to trading stories about getting robbed with you on the 15th in Portland #crowdwork

This is the most detailed description I can come up with #standupcomedy #threesome #funny

You can't tell someone with a funny name what it sounds like. they already know. #funny #standup