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LEARNINGCHORDS
mom had a stroke. i am not sure if I will be out shooting video or what will happen. since I put the dog down I have not done much planespotting. I don't think that will change for a while
7 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 3
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LEARNINGCHORDS
my first year without the dog... she never barked at the fireworks at midnight
I am lost without her here
i was hoping for a happy quiet night.
didn't happen
not worth explaining.
it never ends
7 months ago | [YT] | 4
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LEARNINGCHORDS
no posting tonight- i need some peace:
JUST SAVED MOM'S LIFE AGAIN AND SHE KNOWS IT
SHE IS IN THE KITCHEN NOW HACKING UP HER LUNGS
SHE WOKE ME FROM A NAP BY SLAMMING THE WALKER ON THE FLOOR. SHE COULD NOT MOVE OR YELL.
SHE IS LUCKY... AFTER I WENT IN THERE TO HELP, SHE SAID LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND... ANOTHER MINUTE AND SHE WOULD HAVE DROPPED TO THE FLOOR AND GOODBYE WORLD
I LEFT HER IN THE KITCHEN... IN ANOTHER FEW MINUTES SHE WILL BE FINE.. I STILL DON'T THINK SHE WILL SURVIVE THE YEAR- BUT HER HEALTH IS PRETTY GOOD
THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF SHE HAD LISTENED TO ME THIS MORNING- BUT IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO IGNORE ME AND WATCH TV. SHE WILL BE OK IN ANOTHER 30 MINUTES.
SHE IS SCARED AND HER BREATHING IS OUT OF CONTROL AND THINGS SHOULD CALM IN A FEW
9 months ago | [YT] | 1
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LEARNINGCHORDS
HAPPY FRIDAY- I WAS DRIVING TO PROUD BIRD AND SAW A FIRE AT THE FREEWAY OFF RAMP. I CALLED FIRE. THEY WANTED MORE INFO SO I TURNED AROUND AND WENT BACK TO THE FIRE . IT WAS A HOMELESS WOMAN. OVER 70% OF FIRES IN LOS ANGELES ARE RELATED TO THE HOMELESS. SHE HAD HER HOME WITH SHOPPING CART AT THE SIDE OF THE FREEWAY. THIS FIRE WENT FROM HUGE HEAVY BLACK SMOKE TO WHITE SMOKE TO BLACK SMOKE. HER POSSESSIONS WERE UP IN FLAMES. I GOT OUT OF MY CAR. I TOLD HER TO STOP TRYING TO PUT THE FIRE OUT. THE FD WAS ON THEIR WAY. THEN I HELPED. I COULD NOT PUT DIRT ON THE FIRE SO I KICKED LEAVES TO SMOTHER IT... IT WAS ADDING FUEL BUT IT WAS ALSO HELPING TO STOP THE FIRE. SOME CITY WORKER YELLED AT ME THAT I WAS MAKING IT WORSE. I SET HIM STRAIGHT AND HE DROVE AWAY
FIRE ARRIVED. WOMAN SAT ON THE GROUND WATCHING HER LIFE SMOLDER - IMAGINE HAVING NOTHING AND WATCHING THAT BURN UP. I TOLD HER TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF. I HANDED HER $20 AND TOLD HER TO GET SOME FOOD- SHE LOOKED AT ME WITH A BLANK STARE OF SHOCK. I AM SURE THAT WAS MORE MONEY THAN SHE HAS SEEN IN A LONG TIME
THAT $20 WAS ALL SHE HAD- I DROVE OFF. I WILL POST THE DASH CAM VIDEO IN A FEW DAYS. YOU WILL NOTICE- I RARELY ASK FOR MONEY ON MY CHANNEL AND I GET NOTHING SO SUCH IS LIFE-- BUT I AM THE FIRST TO PAY IT FORWARD AND HELP OTHERS. STAY WELL PEOPLE.. LIFE IS SHORT
10 months ago | [YT] | 3
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LEARNINGCHORDS
I just got a $5 super chat for one of my videos... I have been posting 10 years.... 3 super chats and no members. life
1 year ago | [YT] | 1
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LEARNINGCHORDS
washed mom's laundry. just went to take it out of the dryer and thought of the dog and how she would wait next to the washer while I did that. I just broke down crying. living in this house with mom is so destructive to me and my dog is gone. I need her and she is gone. I cry
1 year ago | [YT] | 4
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LEARNINGCHORDS
i put the dog down 7 weeks ago- I cry in the shower. I cry in the car. I cry walking down the street. I notice I am crying while watching tv. tears run down my face when I am sitting outside eating. I have cried daily since I put her down. I moved in here to be mom's caregiver. I have cried every night for over 7 months. She has made this a living hell. I leave to avoid being around her. She knows what she has done to me. I am not the person I was before I moved in here... Without the dog, I am hurt lost and broken apart...everything makes me cry. She was my life. Everything reminds me of her. She should be alive for at least another 5 years... Then, mom- I won't repeat.--i struggle daily to survive this. nothing will Ever be the same.
This is what I am dealing with now for almost 8 months. My channel sucks -- my life sucks.. and I am broken.
-----
nights kill me. mom has taken over the front of the house again all day... then to the tv and now in the kitchen with cards... after 9 months i can't argue anymore. I walk in the den so upset this goes on each night and i think of the dog and i cry and i leave and hide in the room...
i am miserable. i noticed the last few days.. i am not happy.. i don't smile,, i am in full time unhappy stress tension mode..
not sure how long this can go on for
==
sitting here watching TV news and realized the tears. it hits me when I least expect it
++++++
EVEN on MothersDay she found a way to make me cry and once again stick a knife in my back. Perfect record EVERY single day since I moved in to be her caregiver. A lot of things triggered me missing the dog that made me cry- and then mom- she will be rotten to the end
===
i walked in the kitchen and mom said I will be going in my room soon. IF she didn't figure it out in 8 months,,, she knows today she tore my heart apart and I will never forgive her. She will probably forget tomorrow, but she knows she crossed the line dishonoring my dog, once again, and I will never forgive.
++
mentally physically and emotionally, what my mom has done to me, and to the dog before I had to put her down 7 weeks ago- I will NEVER forget or forgive. I am off for a few hours to stretch out and try to relax my tight neck shoulders jaw head, and to calm my mind
1 year ago | [YT] | 1
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LEARNINGCHORDS
hey people- I put the dog down 3 weeks ago today... Today was really bad for me. I thought I cried a lot yesterday but today I was a mess. I shot video of AF2 landing. I got some good westchester bridge video. I shot video of the motorcade when she arrived at LAX. I got video of the motorcade when she left LAX.. I was in the car so I shot video from behind
physically and emotionally I am in not so good shape tonight. I am exhausted and really need to sleep.. maybe tomorrow
1 year ago | [YT] | 1
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LEARNINGCHORDS
TODAY LAX REVERSE OPS. I SHOT ABOUT 90 MINUTES OF THE BEST VIDEO EVER.. AMAZING DAY... NO RAIN. CLEAR. LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL PLANES. IN FOCUS, GOOD STEADY TRACKING. I AM DRIVING HOME THINKING THAT NOT ONE PERSON WHO WATCHES MY VIDEOS HAS EVER DONE A PAYPAL DONATE OR SUPER CHAT OR SPENT $1.99 TO JOIN FOR A MONTH. I THOUGHT-- DUDE YOU JUST INVESTED SO MUCH TIME IN THIS VIDEO.. POST IT IN MEMBER ONLY- BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU DID TODAY WITH THE RECORDING- AND NO ONE WILL EVER SEE IT- AND THAT WILL BE FINE
SO tonight I will upload to the computer and render and upload to youtube which will take hours and then youtube will process which will take half the night- and when I click MEMBERS only_ i will be happy about it :)
1 year ago | [YT] | 0
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LEARNINGCHORDS
I looked at the last posts here... moved in with mom and then DOG went blind.. I have posted enough vids so I won't say much. I PUT MY DOG DOWN, miss pants, on Monday. I have cried the whole week. I am broken. I am in pain. I am hurting. I am still here with my mom being a caregiver. I am very angry with all she put me and the dog through. I am very angry my dog is gone and I have to deal with the stress in this house. I can't stop thinking of the dog. She was my life day and night--- we were there for each other.. NOW- i am trying to get my life on track and figure out where I go... ALL of this health stuff with the dog came from out of no where and it went down hill really fast. I am broken and hurt and lost. I can't talk to someone in person related to the dog, without falling apart. I am not out recording much and I am not sure what will be- That dog meant everything to me.
1 year ago | [YT] | 2
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