ProfessorViral

I had a very natural script come about from a short series, so I think I'm going to be able to stick to every third week despite all the recent delays. So, that means there will be a video today! (If I fall behind again I'll take the time I need, don't worry! I won't put anything out that feels below standard just to meet a schedule)

It's a script that I bounced back and forth many, many times, trying to get it to feel right. I hit three outlines and three versions of the script, slowly working each point into the main topic and its own niche. Because of that, I lost perspective on it a bit. After seeing the same words 17 times, you can't tell how unique or interesting they sound anymore. I think it's good though, and I really focused on the personal story at the end, trying to make it less of a ramble and more of, well, a story, a narrative of a time in my life with its own ups and downs and characters and emotions. I'm sure I'll look back and find it amateur, but I really like the result right now.

So, what's the video actually about? It's How Your Humanity is Stolen, a look at how we define vague terms with the Sorites Paradox, our limited perceptions which require vague terms, and then three stories which explore how different methods of defining human lead to controlling results. With Jin-Roh we dip into Camus' The Rebel, and explore the "boiled frog" method, where "human" is trained away before our hero can even notice. With Shadow's House we look at how not having the proper term, but still having some of the feeling, can keep one happy with servitude. And with From the New World we look at the point of the definition to begin with, not accuracy but results. What does the term make us and allow us to do?

It's similar to The Library of Babel video in having a philosophy lesson intro followed by story analysis, so I'm hoping it's one you enjoy as well! But, the past couple days have been down for analytics, so I'm not expecting a blow out hit or anything. I think it's a video that can offer some insight into how our societies treat us though, help us reflect on what we are in a broad sense, and through that why we may need our own definitions. I'd love to hear what you think of it in the comments of the video, or over in discord.

Thanks as always for your time and support

2 days ago | [YT] | 89

ProfessorViral

Quick update, most important note is that the next couple of videos will be out every four weeks instead of every three. This is not a permanent change, but because I'd been concussed for a few days and didn't know, leading to a very sick and disorienting weekend, and then once I was aware, being unable to use screens while I was healing.

As you can imagine, being unable to focus or use screens isn't a great place to be in as a video essay person, so I've lost about two weeks worth of work time on videos here. I still have one that just needs another day of editing, and another script which I can record, so I'm not totally behind, but I don't have the lead I need to work comfortably. I never want to rush an important topic, so I try to always have one video ready to publish at any time, that way I'm never shying away from doing extra research, or extra editing, etc to make it better simply because "it's due out next week." I'm currently two weeks behind from this schedule, so if I change to four week uploads for two uploads, I should naturally make up that time and be back on track.

I could also rush out a quick video for this, but chose not to as it would amount to little more than pseudo-poetry, and I'd rather drop my analytics for a bit and give you something worthwhile than try and gesture poorly at "art." On that note though, if you want to help keep the analytics up a bit, now would be a great time to share any favorites with your friends, check on a video you missed, or rewatch an old favorite, even just in the background. Having a small boost will make me a loss less anxious about how the algorithm will feel about this inconsistency.

I'll update as things go along on if I need to extend the temporary schedule to any degree, but if I can write without getting sick today, I'm probably going to spend most of my time working the next few weeks because going a week without this has made me keenly aware of just how much I love it. I'll be honest, I was crying about not being able to write. I didn't know what to do with myself just sitting around. "The sh** I do is the sh** I am," huh? I don't know what comes next, as a couple of my topic feel frustratingly tainted by how much I struggled against them while concussed and not knowing it, but I've also found some new ones in my down time that led to hurried but lengthy notes, that I think will translate well to videos.

Anyway, thanks for your support as always, and I'm sorry to be seeing you less than I'd like over the coming weeks, but I'm going to be here trying my best as always to make good on all you've given me

1 week ago | [YT] | 222

ProfessorViral

Do you (how to put this?) alter your mental state with substances for recreation? Building off of the whole 1st vs 3rd person thing, I'm learning that I actually kind of hate doing so? I drink socially, but anything else just leaves me feeling a disconnect I hate: I want to do something, but am incapable of doing so because I'm impaired. I can't enact my will over my own body, which is maybe the closest I get to feeling a disconnect, as if I'm the "pilot in the flesh mech"

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 60

ProfessorViral

Video is out now! https://youtu.be/d0rxiVMT42k

Tomorrow, we're getting into a classic case of subtext, where I got halfway through a video and then realized "well, I have to do a personal section, don't I?" because I was writing (partially) about myself the entire time. It led to me recording random bits of my life with the camcorder I started making videos on, showing bits of how I work and live that I never even thought of sharing before. Not for better or worse, just because they weren't a part of the art even though they were a part of the artist; so, maybe they were a part of the art?
That's kind of the whole idea of the video, looking at UNBEATABLE and how it expresses the quest for perfection in art: Clef, who rejects it for more genuine expression, Quaver's distance from Eve because of it, and Beat who almost goes the same way, forced to chase "perfection" by a world with never ending demands. But maybe most of all, we're looking at the entire game. Do it's flaws help make it as special as it is? At the core is one idea: how else is perfection achieved by such messy creatures but limitation. And, if a person limits themself enough, is there anything genuine left in there? Can "perfect" art still achieve the point of art? To make someone feel?
It made me reconsider all of the improvements I've made over the years. Not if they were valid or not, I believe they were required, but if I was doing them in the most valid way or not. Was all the new gear and time true improvement, or just distance between me and you?
I did something very silly for this one and recreated the graphics from UNBEATABLE for quotes, titles, and pop-up text, and also tried my best to name the parts of the video after fitting songs from some of my favorite artists. It took longer, but I think it led to a much more genuine video than regular "fancy" editing would have.
I also snuck Perfect Blue in there, because it's literally in the name.
I think it's good? But, of course I never really know. When you've heard something 17 times you kind of lose the perspective to say if it's unique or not. But, I think it's pretty cool, and I hope you enjoy it
UNBEATABLE is really good, go and play it

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3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 326

ProfessorViral

I don’t know when, or if, this will ever be posted, but I’m sitting here sleepless so I may as well write it. Everything’s been thrown off for half a year and some change now. I got time to relax, then lost it, I scraped together a place for myself, and now can’t rely on myself to maintain it. The path I was on fell away, taking with it my confidence and direction as I questioned just about every decision I’ve ever made. Kafka’s hunger artist knows his art was “because I couldn’t find the food I liked,” and that line haunts me. I wonder if all I’m doing, all I’ve ever been doing, is diluting myself, performing actions only to justify, or rather prolong, past mistakes, lackings, failures, until one day I’m too old and exhausted to care that they were wrong to begin with. Is it possible to regret the future? I think I could try, at the very least. I know I’ve regretted every part of myself, every action of that self, at one point or another, so I feel as if the future is just the logical next regret.

I was stuck with this for a while. I merged tears with the showerhead, locked gaze with a dead-eyed stranger in the mirror, time and time again in these six months. I tried to live by what I learned, I tried to imagine myself as George Bailey in a world trending towards Winston Smith, but the latter always won and I felt uncomfortably familiar with the lack of expression allowed to him. The former had his kind logic, but kind logic often does little against despair and exhaustion. I was sleeping with familiar pains, and seeing them in the morning light as strangers just as uncomfortable, repeating, repeating, repeating. Nothing had changed. Nothing would change. I was nothing, and nothing can’t change, can it?

But, there was something that had always been there, something that I just never felt to the extent I know now; you. Bedford Falls had come out for a miracle. I got a message saying I gave someone hope, an introduction that I gave someone peace, a comment that I gave someone understanding, and so much more. I don’t think it was any more than usual, but in these terrible moments I finally saw just how important it all was, and how lucky I am. Maybe it was all that pondering that opened me up to finally not just thinking “I gave someone hope,” but feeling *I gave someone exactly what I need right now*, and crying the happiest tears of my life in its most stressful period ever. Hope. Peace. Understanding. God, I’m lucky. God, I’m stupid to have ever even considered regret. If I can do those things for people, there isn’t a single moment worth regretting. Every joy, every pain, every laugh with my friends and every tear in the work bathroom, all led me to this exact point where, despite its struggles, I do something that makes me feel fulfilled enough to turn those tears happy. I don’t even know how to begin saying thank you for that. But you all have made me so damn lucky with all your time across these years.

Not just in numbers, but in a way to get up despite the pains and the despair. Since having that moment of feeling it for real, I’ve been sleeping so much better, waking up and thinking so much clearer. I know I should believe in the me who believes in me, but believing in the you who believes in me is the first step to that. Yes, things just got so much harder for me so recently, and yes it makes me anxious enough not to sleep right now, but if I woke up this morning thinking “if you can give someone hope you can keep going” then I’ll wake up tomorrow thinking the same thing. I get to keep going, I’m motivated to keep going, because of how much kindness you’ve all given to me. I’ve spent these past years trying desperately to find words for everything, and according to you all I’ve found many good ones. But the ones to say an appropriate thank you have always escaped me. I want to work on this craft until I can find those appropriate words one day. Thank you for continuing to give me that chance. I swear I’ll do my best.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 578

ProfessorViral

This one isn't a video essay, but it's genuinely one of the best Pokemon videos I've seen. It's not just going over how to make an interesting and useful mon within the games rules, but also telling a story to match the "personality" of the design, and a story good enough that you will be rooting for a fictional bee by the end

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 15

ProfessorViral

Do you experience life in the "1st person" so to speak, as in you feel like you and your body are one, connected thing and you're having sensations, or is it more "3rd person" as in it feels less direct, and more like watching something happening from inside of your body looking out, or as if you're controlling a separate entity like in a video game?

1 month ago | [YT] | 84

ProfessorViral

If you're here from the body swap video; thank you for making it such a success! It's been a huge boost to my confidence in getting more done. Until the next video though, this is a similar one you might enjoy, looking at how the body and mind are linked, and what might happen if we ever unlinked them. For example, without the limitations of a body (needs) would the mind run itself into insanity since there's no natural impulse to turn your attention elsewhere?

1 month ago | [YT] | 54