Manic mAlice

Looking to save Hope, & my life...
gofund.me/01ef6ff6

Hello. My name is Brooke, & I'm struggling. The hardest thing for me to do is ask for help when I need it. Well, I need it. Desperately. And, swallowing what little pride I have, I'm asking. My mind tells me to be ashamed, & I'm fighting that back too, amid a flood of tears. I truly don't feel I'm deserving of aid.

At the end of last year I suffered a mental breakdown, my bipolar disorder besting me in a way it never has before. For the first time in over 20+ years I was completely off any & all medications for over a month, essentially resetting my system in the worst way possible. I suffered seizures, repeated panic attacks, & debilitating depression resulting in my inability to work for a few months.
This period also brought recurring flares of stress induced psoriatic arthritis, compounding the mental anguish with full body physical pain, some intervals of inflammation so severe I could barely walk. My joints would swell, aching bone deep, leaving me writhing in pain & in tears daily. This exacerbated the depression & anxiety cycle to new lows.
During this time, I became increasingly unable to work; & without income, I've been unable to manage monthly bills including mortgage, & mounting medical bills.

Toward the end of last year, I was able to find a new therapist I work well with, & working under the same trusted psychiatric care I have been for 10 years, we're now starting a medication regiment from scratch. Medication management is crucial to keeping my mental health in check. There is no cure for bipolar, & the condition often worsens with age. Unfortunately, mine definitely falls under that side of things & has progressively worsened over time. After over a month without any medications, the process of reintroducing & adjusting them is arduous, & frankly terrifying. What worked before, isn't working like it should. And getting the proper levels back into my system seems to be taking forever.
By trial & error, I am facing one huge fear after another, with implementing new medications & trying to get better. But, the hurdles keep coming...
On my birthday last month, my boyfriend mentioned he wasn't feeling well. Turns out, he'd brought home COVID. Though he was only mildly sick & tested negative, I tested positive, & have been sick for 2 weeks. It was mild at first, but by day 6-7, I was miserable. I'm currently still recovering.

Using any small savings I had, & some assistance from my parents, I was able to get through the end of 2022, & January of 2023. Now, however, I am unable to tread water any longer & am in immediate danger of losing what I worked so hard for.
2018 brought me the home of my dreams, an accomplishment I never thought I'd make on my own. Her name is Hope, just like the sign that was placed on the wood accents during staging. Now, 5 years later, I may lose it all due to mental illness & a complete breakdown, if some miracle doesn't befall me. I've already used what resources I can, & come to the end of those limited avenues.
February's mortgage is past due. March's has not been paid. My car payment is past due, as are a couple other utility bills. I have several month's outstanding medical bills for both my psychiatrist, rheumatologist, as well as my therapist.
Scheduled automatic payments for utilities, insurance, & the like have repeatedly caused my account to overdraft, resulting in a cycle of fees that's simply revolving debt, compounding the monetary deficit I am already drowning in.

I can't dig my way out of this alone. I'm out of options, & this is a last resort. I have already looked into &/or used any assistance programs & resources available. I am unable to apply for loans, as things are now in default, & those loans would only add to the financial trouble I'm needing a miracle to escape. I will be facing foreclosure if I cannot somehow pay the overdue mortgage. I will lose my car if I cannot catch up on those payments. I will lose my job if my phone & internet is shut off. (Thankfully I work from home, & am on FMLA which is a HUGE saving grace, however my job is also in jeopardy if I can't return due to no internet access to work remotely). I will also lose my kitties. That, more than anything else, will destroy me utterly.

If you can help in any way, even by sharing this, you have my heartfelt gratitude. This is absolutely one of the hardest things I've done, in the middle of what's become one of the hardest moments of my life.
If GoFundMe isn't something you're comfortable using, I do have PayPal (trplgdssmoon@yahoo.com), Venmo (@ManicmAlice), & Cash App ($ManicmAlice).
Please know that not only will I be forever grateful for any assistance, but that when I am able, it will be paid forward in spades.
If nothing else, thank you for just taking the time to read this. I am humbled by that alone.

Please take care of yourselves, & each other. I know I am not at all the only one suffering out here.

2 years ago | [YT] | 2