AppleJuiceKiller

(pls keep in mind, not trying to fish pity points here, i am being honest/vulnerable so please bare with me. i guess you could take this as a “vent”.)
honestly, i have been having the toughest time trying to get back into animation/animation memes. every time i’ve opened up a project in toonsquid, i have a very overwhelmed feeling of being scared. i just back out of it and do something else- i dont get this way with art, but with animation more recently, i just can’t bare it anymore. my brain gets so overwhelmed by the thoughts of so much layers, the thought of not trying/doing good enough, my software lagging/freezing because im using bones, and much other things personal. im trying to force myself out of this mindset but its genuinely such a stupid struggle, it makes me mad. seeing my Youtube studio ANALytics just drop because im not dick-riding youtube like i used to in 2023/2024 is annoying and stresses me/makes me feel TOO pressured to animate and post so i dont get lost+forgotten. i know this is on Youtubes fault, it is no where near mines, but i cant keep up with everyone else due to my own traumatic life. i know you guys understand and give me the respectful time to work on my projects and i can’t thank you all enough for that respect; other than that, i am unsure if i am in burn out or what. 2025 has been genuinely so debilitating to me, i got diagnosed with new medical conditions, a new arthritic medication made me borderline manic (stopped taking it MONTHS ago, REFUSE to touch it again), my mom being severely psychologically abusive to me and pet grieving….CONSTANTLY. i have been through worse, so i simply don’t understand why i am struggling THIS much just to fucking animate. i have CRIED and had EPISODES over the fact that i cannot get myself to animate anymore for this account, I AM SAD/depressed. i have animated every single day since i was 14. i love animating my ocs, i love my ocs SO MUCH that i want people to make a fandom out of it. its been my dream- but the lack of me not posting will ruin my own dream. im trying so hard but im scared i am losing my spark, and of course its when i am finally gaining a awesome following. i dont like whining on this account, because i know if i continuously do it- it drives people away, and thats not what i want. but i am being honest here. i have been struggling severely behind the scenes and it fucking sucks. i dont want to lose my following because i am being inactive, im not even being inactive on purpose too, and on top of that, i literally cant focus on one thing anymore. my brain tweaks out and wants to go and do other things one after another when im TRYING to do ONE THING. it pisses me off.

:-( all of it pisses me off but im more so very angry at myself for not being active animation wise. i feel horrible but i know its like, kind of not my fault.

i have thoughts about quitting, but i get mad and say to myself “why would you quit so soon, thats pussy behavior” so i just sit in my thoughts that rapid fire at me uncontrollably. highkey this is dumb, to me. because im always like “i’ll animate again, this feeling will fade” BUT ITS BEEN LIKE THIS ALL YEAR. i was fine until the 15th of feburary, and since then, its been a actual living hell to me. i jokingly say to myself “i am too traumatize to have a channel” but jfc it seems to be getting to that point /hj

i also hope you guys understand that i love animation. i started getting seriously into it when i was 13 by watching Ava.G animations. Ava.G made me want to become an animatetor.
i love doing it with all my heart. i dont want to leave nor am i going to, even if my brain screams at me to delete all of my socials, i just wont give in. because that’s coward behavor. im not going to let my voices win.

i hope you understand this- even if its a lot of writing, i just have a lot and a lot on my mind constantly to yapzilla about.

😞🙏🏽 i will try so hard to fight this.

3 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 93

AppleJuiceKiller

what the fucccjjj

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4 days ago | [YT] | 193

AppleJuiceKiller

my last owed :-O

character belongs to demonbunniez

1 week ago | [YT] | 259

AppleJuiceKiller

ok!

1 week ago | [YT] | 103

AppleJuiceKiller

Break the shed.

1 week ago | [YT] | 44

AppleJuiceKiller

can’t get myself to finish my last owed but i got motivation to do shit for myself 💀👏🏽
jk im still working on it

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2 weeks ago | [YT] | 136

AppleJuiceKiller

gonna burp everywhere ouuggh it is me and my partners 8 year anniversary todayayuh
then on the 5th it will be 7 year anni for Trench and similing friends season 3!!!!!!!!!!! AAA more allan for me 😸😸😸😸😻😻😻
gif of vecna from animation i made ENDING OF JANURARY!!!!!!????? i GYATTA work on it, its sooo much layers for tweening so so so so much layers SO MCUB. LAYERS. OF BONES AND JOINTS. HELP. ME. HELP. MMME. oh yeah then Amy!! HI AMY!!!!!! oc i made when i was like 11 ^w^

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2 weeks ago | [YT] | 173

AppleJuiceKiller

i love animation memes i love this community i love everything

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 71

AppleJuiceKiller

i haven’t felt this creative aince drawing on my dads mac computer on sketchbook in 2018. was just trying out the new procreate brushes realesed some time ago cus i can heh..
character is Akuma (made him in 2018)

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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 109