Marriage Alive International

*MARRIAGE ALIVE TIP*

*DAY 12: DIFFERENCE IS DESIGN, NOT DEFECT*

_Series: 31 Days of Parenting — From Managing Behavior to Shepherding Hearts_

📖 *Scripture Focus*
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6

💡 *Devotional Thought*
Proper shepherding of a child’s heart means seeing difference as design, not defect. God wires each child uniquely, and our role as parents is to discern and guide that wiring toward Christ.

Consider these examples:

- Our first child hated isolation. Sending her to her room was effective discipline.
- Our second child, however, thrived in solitude. Isolation became comfort, not correction. We quickly realized we needed a different approach.

Another sister prayed for God to “break” her strong‑willed child. But God rebuked her, reminding her that He had a purpose for making the child strong‑willed. That strength, when shepherded, could serve His kingdom.

A strong‑willed child has a place in God’s purposes. A soft‑willed child does too. Shepherding means cautioning against the negative tendencies of temperament without making the child feel defective or incomplete.

👣 *Tip*
Shepherding adapts to the heart’s wiring; behavior management demands conformity.

🪞 *Reflection Questions*
- Do I see my child’s temperament as a defect or as God’s design?
- Am I tailoring my parenting to each child’s uniqueness?
- How can I affirm their wiring while guiding it toward Christ?


🙏 *Prayer*
Lord, help me to see difference as design, not defect. Teach me to shepherd each child according to their wiring, affirming their uniqueness while guiding them toward Christ. Amen.

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Marriage Alive International

*MARRIAGE ALIVE TIP*

*DAY 11: UNDERSTANDING TEMPERAMENT — PARENTING THE CHILD YOU HAVE, NOT THE ONE YOU IMAGINED*

_Series: 31 Days of Parenting — From Managing Behavior to Shepherding Hearts_

📖 *Scripture Focus*
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6

💡 *Devotional Thought*
Every child is uniquely wired by God. Some are bold, others cautious. Some are expressive, others reflective. Parenting is not about forcing them into a mold—it’s about shepherding the heart God gave them.

- *Behavior management* demands conformity: “Be like your sibling. Act the way I expect.”
- *Heart shepherding* adapts to the child’s temperament: “I see how God made you. Let me guide your heart within that design.”

When we parent the child we imagined, we frustrate them and ourselves. When we parent the child we have, we honor God’s craftsmanship. Shepherding means discerning their wiring and guiding it toward Christ.

👣 *Tip*
Shepherding adapts to the heart’s wiring; behavior management demands conformity.

🪞 *Reflection Questions*
- Am I parenting my child’s God‑given temperament, or trying to remake them in my image?
- Do I celebrate their uniqueness as part of God’s design?
- How can I guide their temperament toward Christlike character?

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Marriage Alive International

*MARRIAGE ALIVE TIP*

*DAY 10: IDENTITY FORMATION — SPEAKING LIFE INTO WHO THEY ARE BECOMING*

_Series: 31 Days of Parenting — From Managing Behavior to Shepherding Hearts_

📖 *Scripture Focus*
“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” — John 1:12

“For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” — Galatians 3:26

💡 *Devotional Thought*
Children are constantly asking, “Who am I?” and “What defines me?”
The world often answers with performance: grades, talents, achievements, or failures. But God answers with identity: *You are My child.*

Parenting that shepherds the heart speaks life into who children are becoming in Christ. It affirms their identity not in what they do, but in who they are.

- *Performance parenting* says: “You’re valuable because you succeeded.”
- *Heart shepherding* says: “You’re valuable because you belong to Christ.”

When we affirm identity in Christ, we give our children a foundation that cannot be shaken by failure or inflated by success. We help them see themselves as loved, chosen, and secure.

👣 *Tip*
Shepherding affirms identity in Christ, not just performance.

🪞 *Reflection Questions*
- Do I affirm my child’s identity only when they perform well?
- How often do I remind them of who they are in Christ?
- Am I speaking life into their future, not just commenting on their present actions?

Wrong approach: this child, you will become a thief based on the way you are behaving.

Correct: You are not behaving in a manner worthy of a child of God. Sit up!

This is so important because even the DNA of a caterpillar is the same as that of a butterfly, but the caterpillar is in the process of becoming a butterfly. As you shepherd the hearts of children, it is a process. Don't be fooled to assume that the caterpillar stage is the end

NB: Your affirmation is based on what you have been teaching them about God's word.‪@ParentsChild‬ ‪@FirstCryParenting‬ ‪@Familles‬ ‪@JohnyFamilyShow‬

1 month ago | [YT] | 1

Marriage Alive International

*MARRIAGE ALIVE TIP*

*DAY 9: EMOTIONS ARE CLUES, NOT ENEMIES*

_Series: 31 Days of Parenting — From Managing Behavior to Shepherding Hearts_

📖 *Scripture Focus*
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” — Romans 12:15
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” — Ephesians 4:26

💡 *Devotional Thought*
Emotions are not enemies to be suppressed—they are clues to what’s happening in the heart.
When a child feels anger, sadness, or joy, those emotions reveal beliefs, desires, and needs.

- *Behavior management* often suppresses emotion: “Stop crying. Don’t be angry.”
- *Heart shepherding* teaches emotional wisdom: “Let’s name what you’re feeling. Let’s learn how to respond rightly.”

Helping kids name and navigate their feelings builds resilience, empathy, and spiritual maturity. When children learn that emotions are signals, not sins, they discover how to bring their hearts to God.

👣 *Tip*
Behavior management suppresses emotion; shepherding teaches emotional wisdom.

🪞 *Reflection Questions*
- Do I dismiss my child’s emotions, or do I help them name and process them?

- Am I teaching my child to bring their feelings to God?

👣 *Practical Application*
Today, when your child expresses a strong emotion, pause and say:
“I see you’re feeling ____. Let’s talk about it.”
Guide them to name the emotion, understand it, and respond with wisdom.‪@ParentsChild‬ ‪@FirstCryParenting‬ ‪@Familles‬ ‪@JohnyFamilyShow‬

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Marriage Alive International

🌿Series: *From Managing Behaviour, to Shepherding Hearts*

📖 *Personal Experience*
A few years ago, I was doing morning devotions with my children—then ages 9, 7, and 5. We used a devotional tailored for kids, and after teaching and praying one day, I noticed my son’s face darken. He was not happy.

Then he said words that pierced my heart:
“I hate God.”

I was shocked. How could this come from my son after all the time invested in teaching them God’s Word?

But God gave me grace to see his emotions as symptoms, not the heart of the matter. So instead of reacting harshly, I patiently asked:
“Why do you say so?”

He explained: “God should have stopped Jesus from dying.”

In his childhood mind, he couldn’t process how a Father could allow His Son to die when He had the power to stop it. That was a profound moment of reasoning for a child.

I took time to explain why it was necessary for God to allow Jesus to die—for our salvation. That sealed it. His heart was shepherded back to truth.

Imagine what would have remained in his heart if I had simply shouted at him, silenced him, or claimed it was the devil speaking.

---

🕊 *Key Lesson*
Parenting is not about suppressing words or emotions—it is about shepherding hearts.
- Emotions are signals, not threats.
- Questions open doors to deeper understanding.
- Truth must be explained at a child’s level.
- Listening builds trust; silencing leaves wounds.

---

📜 *Scripture*
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” — Ephesians 6:4

---

🙏 *Prayer*
Lord, grant me patience to listen to my children and wisdom to guide their hearts toward Your truth.

---

✨ *Action Point*
Next time your child says something surprising or even shocking, pause. Ask a gentle question. Listen before correcting. Shepherd their heart, not just their words.‪@ParentsChild‬ ‪@FirstCryParenting‬ ‪@Familles‬ ‪@JohnyFamilyShow‬

1 month ago | [YT] | 2

Marriage Alive International

*MARRIAGE ALIVE TIP*

*DAY 8: THE HEART AS THE WELLSPRING — PROVERBS 4:23 IN PARENTING*

_Series: 31 Days of Parenting — From Managing Behavior to Shepherding Hearts_

📖 *Scripture Focus*
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

💡 *Devotional Thought*
The heart is the wellspring of life. Every word, every action, every choice flows from it. Parenting that focuses only on the hand (behavior) misses the deeper source.

- *Behavior management* says: “Stop doing that.”
- *Heart shepherding* says: “Guard your heart, because your actions flow, from it.” ,

When we shepherd the heart, we don’t just correct outward actions—we guide inward desires, beliefs, and motivations. A child whose heart is guarded and guided will naturally produce godly behavior.

Think of a spring of water: if the source is polluted, the stream will be polluted. But if the source is clean, the flow will be pure. In the same way, parenting must focus on the heart as the source.

👣 *Tip*
Shepherding means guarding and guiding the heart, not just correcting the hand.

🪞 *Reflection Questions*
- Am I more focused on outward behavior than inward heart issues?
- How am I helping my child guard their heart?
- Do my corrections lead them back to Christ, the true source of life?
- Do i read the Bible to them so that it fills their innermost being?

👣 *Practical Application*
If you watch the wrong movies, wrong comedy and listen to the wrong music in the company of the kids, just know that you are destroying the wellspring within them.

Don't complain tomorrow when the water from that wellspring in unpleasant.

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Marriage Alive International

MARRIAGE ALIVE TIP

DAY 7: *WHAT’S BENEATH THE BEHAVIOR? — EVERY ACTION FLOWS FROM THE HEART*

Series: 31 Days of Parenting — From Managing Behavior to Shepherding Hearts

📖 *Scripture Focus*
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” — Luke 6:45

💡 *Devotional Thought*
Every action has a root. Behavior is the fruit, but the heart is the soil.

When a child lies, fights, or withdraws, the behavior is visible—but beneath it lies a deeper issue: fear, insecurity, pride, shame, or longing. If we only correct the behavior, we miss the opportunity to shepherd the heart.

- Behavior management asks: “What did you do?”
- Heart shepherding asks: “What were you thinking or believing?”
- Or even: “What did you aim to achieve?”

Don’t be deceived into thinking that children act without reasons. They always have reasons. Don’t just seek to alter their behavior—seek to shepherd the heart so that it can think, feel, and desire the right things subsequently.

Jesus always looked beneath the surface. When the rich young ruler asked about eternal life, Jesus didn’t just address his words—He exposed the heart issue of greed. Parenting requires the same discernment.

Correcting behavior without addressing the heart is like cutting weeds without pulling the roots—they’ll grow back. But when we shepherd the heart, transformation takes place.

🪞 *Reflection Questions*
- Do I stop at correcting behavior, or do I dig deeper into the heart?
- Am I asking my children questions that reveal feelings and beliefs?
- How can I create a safe space for my child to share what’s beneath their actions.

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