Alexis Bond

i know no one will see this, but Ive had all my media taken away and I haven’t been able to vent to anyone. i feel so sick and everything is starting to get worse, everyday my heart feels like it’s gonna explode and my hands are constantly shaking, my mom is always crying about me and my issues and I feel so guilty knowing that it’s all because of me, because I couldn’t be the daughter she wanted, that I had to turn out so horrible even though I had a perfect life. I feel so selfish and it’s worse that I still wanna get worse, a part of me hates this so much and at the same time I love that i’m finally feeling worse so i can be valid. i’ve been in a none ending loop, everything feels better but then suddenly it turns worse. I thought maybe it would end, but it’s been 2 years and nothing has. everyone tells me the same thing, to just distract myself and do what i enjoy, but that doesn’t even work and i’m starting to hate all the things I loved. i just wanna disappear, I wanna get away from everyone and everything. and whats worse is that I know no one can change me or fix me, I’m stuck like this and no one is making it better for me. i hate this so much

1 month ago | [YT] | 2