im actually really proud of myself, i havent been able to do anything recently. ive been so stuck and depressed but i finally did it!! I FINALLY FILMED A VIDEO !!
I hope everyone staying warm during the cold recently. ive been rly depressed but i’m starting to get out of it so i’m planning some videos!! i want everyone to know that i’m working hard on myself and don’t want to let anyone down. everyone has supported me so much and i want to be able to give back.
also quick update abt my housing: I probably won’t be able to move at the end of this month since my roommate still hasnt paid the debt off. but on the brightside the situation became slightly better and it’s been easier living here. im looking forward to when i can finally move out
a few videos i have planned are about being off opioids and going thru PAWS. There’ll probably be a few random story times but ultimately i want to work on my tumor story. for my makeup shorts i want to try doing more interesting makeup ideas!! let me know if u have any suggestions for that !!
once again thank u guys for supporting me, u guys are awesome ;-;
(pic is of me a few months ago bc i havent felt confident enough to take any new pics)
hellooo everyone. i want to say thank u for anyone donating to my gofundme or even commenting and supporting me !! the relief i felt after all the support i received was crazy, i finally feel like i can get out ;-; i hope to move out march 1 and hopefully that all works out!!
im not reading comments right now due to my mental health since i did before and i spiraled a bit over negative comments but i owe it to u guys for all the support so i wanted to say thank u ❤️
i love u guys thank u for saving me once again
also some info abt why i live in a city: i have a contract with my city where they’ll give me free schooling in exchange for me working here for a bit. i got this contract when i just stopped being homeless bc i needed a plan to keep my shelter. im still going thru with it but for anyone wondering why i don’t move to a cheaper area, this is why (plus family and growing up here my whole life)
(pic of me all bundled up, hope everyone staying warm over the huge storm!!)
ive thought abt this a lot and i realized, i’m in a shitty situation and i need to ask for help. i made this gofundme so i can afford to move out and get out of this toxic living situation that i’m in. i hate always being in shitty situations but i finally feel like it’s coming to an end. once i move out of this place, im off opioids, i have no tumor, and i can start my life again. i want to apologize for everyone seeing me complain all the time, instead i’m gonna try my hardest to get out of this situation. i want to thank everyone who supports me, i really appreciate u guys. ❤️❤️❤️
so after i couldnt get out of my toxic living situation, i got sick with the super flu at my brother’s place. afterwards i had to go back to the evil apartment. the defeat from trying so hard to get out and ending up back where i started made me so depressed that i can’t function. i’m unable to work, im unable to do literally anything. im trying so hard to even post anything or respond to a text but it feels like using energy i dont have rn. i’m not sure when i can leave this place and i’m not sure how i’m gonna afford to move. i don’t know how i will be able to live with roommates again after this, i feel traumatized from all this.
the only thing getting me by right now is playing overwatch. i keep telling myself its gonna get better and that i just need to endure right now. im so sick of enduring, i want to be okay now. it feels like there’s a never ending battle of unfortunate unlucky events in my life. i really want to build a life where these things dont happen to me. i want to be healthy and happy. i’m trying my best to make that happen. im not going to give up because this isnt even my rock bottom. I know I can get through this.
thank u guys for supporting me, i really needed to get this off my chest. i hope you guys are doing okay and if ur not, you will get through it. if i can you can too.
so yesterday everything fell through. I’m gonna talk abt what’s going on bc i could use any guidance or advice rn. my roommate hasnt paid rent in 5 months and basically emotionally abuses me. since we’re on a joint lease im legally responsible even tho i pay my rent every month. the stress got so bad i stopped eating which led me to my recent hospital visit. my new place fell through bc my current building management wont let me leave. i cant stay at that apartment in fear of my health. im trying to get a lawyer but i can’t even afford that. i tried calling legal guidance hotlines too. anyone go thru anything similar and has any advice?
im just so stressed and sad rn. i don’t even know how i’ll get thru this.
im moving to my new place soon and i’m kinda stressed about that. january i plan to be posting a lot of videos and start streaming!!!!!!!!! i have a lot of healing i need to do tbh. im moving bc i’m leaving a toxic housing situation that’s still unresolved but im hopeful it’ll get better.
i also had this realization that omg i’m not on any opioids anymore, i don’t have a tumor, and im not in pain anymore. i realized a lot of my pain was directly from the opioids- withdrawal, imaginary pain etc.. so now im left with everything that just happened for the past 3 years and i don’t know how to cope. i’m deeply depressed rn and i dont know how to get out of it. i wanna try hard for u guys and for everyone that cares abt me, but lately i find it so difficult to even wake up. im going to talk more about this in a video but rn im trying to cope however i can.
once again i wanna thank everyone for sticking around and supporting me. i hope everyone had a good holiday this year and if not there’s always next year !!
it’s been awhile but i am okay(ish). when i was in the hospital for my bowel obstruction, my housing situation became an emergency. i don’t want to say too many details but some you may have known that my housing situation is very bad. i got out of the hospital and had anxiety attacks everyday to the point where I couldnt even get out of bed. My brother was so kind and let me stay with him. That’s where i am now and have been recovering both mentally and physically.
Today i toured an apartment tht i really really want. The next few weeks are going to be so stressful for me. If everything works out, i can move jan 1.
but good news… im completely off of all opioid medication :) it’s really weird experiencing life off of them after it’s been 3 years. for some reason i started to have a fire in me that wants to live and be happy.
After I move, i plan on posting all the vids i’ve been wanting to plus start streaming. this thought of being in a safe home and doing something i love is motivating me more than anything.
so guys, thank u all for watching my vids, supporting me, and caring about me. my life changed when i started posting youtube vids, i grew so much. i appreciate you all ❤️
so while i was going thru the hydromorphone withdrawals on the 3-4th day i started non stop throwing up. i couldnt keep any liquids down so i went to the hospital. they told me i had a rare bowel obstruction and if i didnt go in it couldve gotten rly bad. ive been in the hospital for a few days and theyre keeping me here until i can eat solid food. i got an NG tube and that was so painful. i’m glad i didnt die and i’m now over the withdrawals too.
I want to thank everyone in my discord server for keeping me company and helping me thru this. i appreciate u guys so much. i’m gonna make a story time abt what had just happened to me.
My gf and I broke up yesterday. it was a very difficult thing but we were just not compatible. I wont be talking more about this but i just wanted to let you guys know.
my living situation is very toxic right now but it got slightly better. I decided to move to a different apartment that’s the same rent cost as my current one. I can’t afford to live in a studio but that’s my dream one day. I’m hoping to move in to my new place Jan 1. I havent found a place or roommates yet but this month I’ll be working on that.
I’m starting my hydromorphone taper next week and I hope to be off it by dec 8! Im giving myself this week to post some videos. the worst has passed already and I’m excited to start a better life in a new apartment.
the month of december will be lots of videos!! i’m finally at a point where I can lock in and post vids more :)
poca
HI EVERYONE I FINALLY FILMED A VID!!!
im actually really proud of myself, i havent been able to do anything recently. ive been so stuck and depressed but i finally did it!! I FINALLY FILMED A VIDEO !!
(pic is of me before i filmed my video)
6 days ago | [YT] | 5,519
View 92 replies
poca
hi everyone! content and life update~
I hope everyone staying warm during the cold recently. ive been rly depressed but i’m starting to get out of it so i’m planning some videos!! i want everyone to know that i’m working hard on myself and don’t want to let anyone down. everyone has supported me so much and i want to be able to give back.
also quick update abt my housing: I probably won’t be able to move at the end of this month since my roommate still hasnt paid the debt off. but on the brightside the situation became slightly better and it’s been easier living here. im looking forward to when i can finally move out
a few videos i have planned are about being off opioids and going thru PAWS. There’ll probably be a few random story times but ultimately i want to work on my tumor story. for my makeup shorts i want to try doing more interesting makeup ideas!! let me know if u have any suggestions for that !!
once again thank u guys for supporting me, u guys are awesome ;-;
(pic is of me a few months ago bc i havent felt confident enough to take any new pics)
1 week ago | [YT] | 5,668
View 71 replies
poca
hi guys!! thank u sm ❤️❤️❤️
hellooo everyone. i want to say thank u for anyone donating to my gofundme or even commenting and supporting me !! the relief i felt after all the support i received was crazy, i finally feel like i can get out ;-;
i hope to move out march 1 and hopefully that all works out!!
im not reading comments right now due to my mental health since i did before and i spiraled a bit over negative comments but i owe it to u guys for all the support so i wanted to say thank u ❤️
i love u guys thank u for saving me once again
also some info abt why i live in a city:
i have a contract with my city where they’ll give me free schooling in exchange for me working here for a bit. i got this contract when i just stopped being homeless bc i needed a plan to keep my shelter. im still going thru with it but for anyone wondering why i don’t move to a cheaper area, this is why (plus family and growing up here my whole life)
(pic of me all bundled up, hope everyone staying warm over the huge storm!!)
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 6,705
View 95 replies
poca
hi guys- i made a gofundme
ive thought abt this a lot and i realized, i’m in a shitty situation and i need to ask for help. i made this gofundme so i can afford to move out and get out of this toxic living situation that i’m in. i hate always being in shitty situations but i finally feel like it’s coming to an end. once i move out of this place, im off opioids, i have no tumor, and i can start my life again. i want to apologize for everyone seeing me complain all the time, instead i’m gonna try my hardest to get out of this situation. i want to thank everyone who supports me, i really appreciate u guys. ❤️❤️❤️
i linked the gofundme in my bio and also here: gofund.me/8bb7cbeed
(also old pic bc i felt pretty here >,<)
3 weeks ago | [YT] | 7,918
View 229 replies
poca
hey guys- vent post
so after i couldnt get out of my toxic living situation, i got sick with the super flu at my brother’s place. afterwards i had to go back to the evil apartment. the defeat from trying so hard to get out and ending up back where i started made me so depressed that i can’t function. i’m unable to work, im unable to do literally anything. im trying so hard to even post anything or respond to a text but it feels like using energy i dont have rn. i’m not sure when i can leave this place and i’m not sure how i’m gonna afford to move. i don’t know how i will be able to live with roommates again after this, i feel traumatized from all this.
the only thing getting me by right now is playing overwatch. i keep telling myself its gonna get better and that i just need to endure right now. im so sick of enduring, i want to be okay now. it feels like there’s a never ending battle of unfortunate unlucky events in my life. i really want to build a life where these things dont happen to me. i want to be healthy and happy. i’m trying my best to make that happen. im not going to give up because this isnt even my rock bottom. I know I can get through this.
thank u guys for supporting me, i really needed to get this off my chest. i hope you guys are doing okay and if ur not, you will get through it. if i can you can too.
3 weeks ago | [YT] | 3,191
View 132 replies
poca
hi guys- housing update
so yesterday everything fell through. I’m gonna talk abt what’s going on bc i could use any guidance or advice rn. my roommate hasnt paid rent in 5 months and basically emotionally abuses me. since we’re on a joint lease im legally responsible even tho i pay my rent every month. the stress got so bad i stopped eating which led me to my recent hospital visit. my new place fell through bc my current building management wont let me leave. i cant stay at that apartment in fear of my health. im trying to get a lawyer but i can’t even afford that. i tried calling legal guidance hotlines too. anyone go thru anything similar and has any advice?
im just so stressed and sad rn. i don’t even know how i’ll get thru this.
1 month ago (edited) | [YT] | 3,424
View 170 replies
poca
hi guys - another life update
happy holidays everyone !
im moving to my new place soon and i’m kinda stressed about that. january i plan to be posting a lot of videos and start streaming!!!!!!!!! i have a lot of healing i need to do tbh. im moving bc i’m leaving a toxic housing situation that’s still unresolved but im hopeful it’ll get better.
i also had this realization that omg i’m not on any opioids anymore, i don’t have a tumor, and im not in pain anymore. i realized a lot of my pain was directly from the opioids- withdrawal, imaginary pain etc..
so now im left with everything that just happened for the past 3 years and i don’t know how to cope. i’m deeply depressed rn and i dont know how to get out of it. i wanna try hard for u guys and for everyone that cares abt me, but lately i find it so difficult to even wake up. im going to talk more about this in a video but rn im trying to cope however i can.
once again i wanna thank everyone for sticking around and supporting me. i hope everyone had a good holiday this year and if not there’s always next year !!
1 month ago | [YT] | 10,768
View 287 replies
poca
hi guys life update :)
it’s been awhile but i am okay(ish). when i was in the hospital for my bowel obstruction, my housing situation became an emergency. i don’t want to say too many details but some you may have known that my housing situation is very bad. i got out of the hospital and had anxiety attacks everyday to the point where I couldnt even get out of bed. My brother was so kind and let me stay with him. That’s where i am now and have been recovering both mentally and physically.
Today i toured an apartment tht i really really want. The next few weeks are going to be so stressful for me. If everything works out, i can move jan 1.
but good news… im completely off of all opioid medication :)
it’s really weird experiencing life off of them after it’s been 3 years. for some reason i started to have a fire in me that wants to live and be happy.
After I move, i plan on posting all the vids i’ve been wanting to plus start streaming. this thought of being in a safe home and doing something i love is motivating me more than anything.
so guys, thank u all for watching my vids, supporting me, and caring about me. my life changed when i started posting youtube vids, i grew so much. i appreciate you all ❤️
1 month ago (edited) | [YT] | 14,740
View 359 replies
poca
hey guys i almost died:
so while i was going thru the hydromorphone withdrawals on the 3-4th day i started non stop throwing up. i couldnt keep any liquids down so i went to the hospital. they told me i had a rare bowel obstruction and if i didnt go in it couldve gotten rly bad. ive been in the hospital for a few days and theyre keeping me here until i can eat solid food. i got an NG tube and that was so painful. i’m glad i didnt die and i’m now over the withdrawals too.
I want to thank everyone in my discord server for keeping me company and helping me thru this. i appreciate u guys so much. i’m gonna make a story time abt what had just happened to me.
see ya !
2 months ago | [YT] | 16,671
View 885 replies
poca
another life update- my relationship and moving
My gf and I broke up yesterday. it was a very difficult thing but we were just not compatible. I wont be talking more about this but i just wanted to let you guys know.
my living situation is very toxic right now but it got slightly better. I decided to move to a different apartment that’s the same rent cost as my current one. I can’t afford to live in a studio but that’s my dream one day. I’m hoping to move in to my new place Jan 1. I havent found a place or roommates yet but this month I’ll be working on that.
I’m starting my hydromorphone taper next week and I hope to be off it by dec 8! Im giving myself this week to post some videos. the worst has passed already and I’m excited to start a better life in a new apartment.
the month of december will be lots of videos!! i’m finally at a point where I can lock in and post vids more :)
(pic is of me after filming a video)
2 months ago | [YT] | 6,979
View 139 replies
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