hey guys im back :) I started to feel a little less depressed (still going thru it) but I can finally get myself to do things. So i decided to start posting videos again. I appreciate everyone's support, especially in my discord server as well as in my community here on youtube. thank you all for staying and supporting me <3
here are some questions i feel like some people might have and i just want to clear things up a bit:
why were you so depressed? -mainly because of PAWS (after my opioid withdrawal), a really stressful/toxic living situation, PTSD/trauma, and generally feeling lost in life.
why are you still in your stressful/toxic living situation? -I tried my best to get out of this situation but legally I had no way of escaping. My roommate has not paid rent since our lease started so now there is $15k in unpaid rent. I wasn't able to break my lease due to being on a joint lease and if I left without doing so, I would be liable too. I wanted to go to court but my building management kept delaying it. There is a very hostile social dynamic here and my gas, electric, and wifi has been shut off at certain points due to this dynamic.
I decided to endure it until my lease ended which is august 31st. it really affected my mental health and i tried everything i could to leave. But now that it's almost over, i know that there is a future waiting for me where i can be comfortable and safe. the worst has almost passed and i'm feeling hopeful. please do not pity me i'm just explaining the situation for clarity on why i left social media, why i made a gofundme, and why I'm still here despite saying i was moving. i also want to note that it was the best possible choice at the time and i'm sure I could've done something differently.
what did you do with the money from the gofundme then? -I saved it in my savings so I could move after my lease ended (august31). I know no one asked about this but I really want to make it clear that I made that gofundme out of desperation, i really needed the help, i wouldnt have made it otherwise. I'm really grateful for everyone who donated. the last thing I want is for anyone to feel like i took advantage of anyone's generosity and kindness towards me. This will be the last time I make a gofundme, i'm in a better place financially now since i'm no longer physically sick so i can work again. I apologize for making these gofundmes out of desperation, this is something that's been weighing on me heavily. i care about people who support my videos and i don't want to lose that trust with you guys, i want my videos to still help people.
what are your plans for your channel now? -i know that sometimes my mental health affects me but i'm going to try my best to stick to my cause. i want to continue making mental health makeup shorts, storytime/experience long form videos, and i want to slowly start streaming here on youtube to connect more with you guys.
ALSO sorry for the long post i just wanted to get everything out of my head. once again thank you for supporting me!! i'm glad to be feeling better bc i really missed making videos >_<
i'm in the deepest depression i've ever been in i want to post again and get better
it's been a rough 3-4 years but after this chapter ends, i know i will get better. i'm sorry for always having issues all the time, i don't want them either.
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR 20K!!! (well now 24k xD hehe)
I really appreciate everyone supporting my videos, it truly means the world to me. You guys are changing my life and it’s making me break out of the hole I was hiding in for so long.
Thank you. Truly, Thank you guys so much.
i went to a place today and got a treat to celebrate! im posting a shortform video about my day because i never rly do nice things for myself. so today was very special :)
poca
hey guys im back :)
I started to feel a little less depressed (still going thru it) but I can finally get myself to do things. So i decided to start posting videos again.
I appreciate everyone's support, especially in my discord server as well as in my community here on youtube. thank you all for staying and supporting me <3
here are some questions i feel like some people might have and i just want to clear things up a bit:
why were you so depressed?
-mainly because of PAWS (after my opioid withdrawal), a really stressful/toxic living situation, PTSD/trauma, and generally feeling lost in life.
why are you still in your stressful/toxic living situation?
-I tried my best to get out of this situation but legally I had no way of escaping. My roommate has not paid rent since our lease started so now there is $15k in unpaid rent. I wasn't able to break my lease due to being on a joint lease and if I left without doing so, I would be liable too. I wanted to go to court but my building management kept delaying it. There is a very hostile social dynamic here and my gas, electric, and wifi has been shut off at certain points due to this dynamic.
I decided to endure it until my lease ended which is august 31st. it really affected my mental health and i tried everything i could to leave. But now that it's almost over, i know that there is a future waiting for me where i can be comfortable and safe. the worst has almost passed and i'm feeling hopeful. please do not pity me i'm just explaining the situation for clarity on why i left social media, why i made a gofundme, and why I'm still here despite saying i was moving. i also want to note that it was the best possible choice at the time and i'm sure I could've done something differently.
what did you do with the money from the gofundme then?
-I saved it in my savings so I could move after my lease ended (august31). I know no one asked about this but I really want to make it clear that I made that gofundme out of desperation, i really needed the help, i wouldnt have made it otherwise. I'm really grateful for everyone who donated. the last thing I want is for anyone to feel like i took advantage of anyone's generosity and kindness towards me. This will be the last time I make a gofundme, i'm in a better place financially now since i'm no longer physically sick so i can work again. I apologize for making these gofundmes out of desperation, this is something that's been weighing on me heavily. i care about people who support my videos and i don't want to lose that trust with you guys, i want my videos to still help people.
what are your plans for your channel now?
-i know that sometimes my mental health affects me but i'm going to try my best to stick to my cause. i want to continue making mental health makeup shorts, storytime/experience long form videos, and i want to slowly start streaming here on youtube to connect more with you guys.
ALSO sorry for the long post i just wanted to get everything out of my head.
once again thank you for supporting me!! i'm glad to be feeling better bc i really missed making videos >_<
6 days ago | [YT] | 2,371
View 72 replies
poca
hey guys,
i'm in the deepest depression i've ever been in
i want to post again and get better
it's been a rough 3-4 years but after this chapter ends, i know i will get better. i'm sorry for always having issues all the time, i don't want them either.
please wait for me, i know i will get out of this
-poca
1 month ago | [YT] | 2,218
View 169 replies
poca
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR 20K!!!
(well now 24k xD hehe)
I really appreciate everyone supporting my videos, it truly means the world to me. You guys are changing my life and it’s making me break out of the hole I was hiding in for so long.
Thank you. Truly, Thank you guys so much.
i went to a place today and got a treat to celebrate! im posting a shortform video about my day because i never rly do nice things for myself. so today was very special :)
9 months ago | [YT] | 735
View 32 replies