boyfie

merry christmas everyone! 🧑‍🎄🎄❄️
hope youre having a nice day <3

1 month ago | [YT] | 279

boyfie

happy diwali to those who are celebrating✨
the channel recently had its 4th year anniversary! we’ve come such a long way and im grateful for everyone of you <3

3 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 346

boyfie

hello, im doing well :)
ive been very fortunate to have good friends
i didnt reply to any, but know that i read all ur comments (yes all of them, even those of you that commented every day)
thank you for all ur kind words <3
many exciting things await!

5 months ago | [YT] | 865

boyfie

TW: cheating, SA, self harm

boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me throughout the entire relationship. from days after we got together, to just weeks before i found out.
i’m finally free from that toxic cycle, but all i feel is broken, used, and hollow. like he robbed me of everything that made me feel like myself.

i’ve been fed so many lies for so long. i was made to believe in a twisted version of love, one where i kept giving and hoping while he kept betraying. now, i just feel numb.

i feel empty, and i keep finding myself craving the presence of someone, literally anyone, who might love me, even just a little.
it’s not right, i shouldn’t be so starved of love after having been without someone for 3 whole years right?
there’s nothing i didn’t do for him, spent so much of my savings too, but he never spent a dime, ever
i know i deserve better. i know i’m worthy of love that’s real, just by existing, by being human.
but knowing that doesn’t stop the pain. i’ve never felt anything this intense. it’s overwhelming.
i’ve found myself thinking:
what if i jumped off the balcony?
what if i burned myself on the stove?
what if i took too many pills?
would any of that hurt more than what i’m feeling now?
he’s sleeping soundly while i contemplate ways to numb myself from the pain i feel

i wasted years of my life on someone so cold and heartless.
i’ve never had an easy upbringing, and i’m mostly alone and responsible for myself
i was s£xually assaulted by a close friend last year and during that time, the boy i loved was holding and kissing another man
that level of betrayal, i don’t think words can cover it
maybe deep down, i always knew something was wrong, maybe that’s why i kept doing asmr, to fill some kind of void because i never felt loved, not once, i’ve always had to ask for the bare minimum

and yes, all the audios of me crying? they’re real.
i see people comment on how good my “acting” is, but i’m not acting. i’m a terrible actor. those are real tears i’ve shed.
the audio about the listener forgetting my birthday? that happened.
and while so many listeners say what they would’ve done if it were them, he did nothing for me.
all i got on that day was a flood of tears.

i know this is a lot. i’m in a very vulnerable place right now and at any moment, i feel like i could breakdown. my heart’s just beating so fast all the time. i usually don’t share much of myself here.
but right now, it’s pouring out of me, and maybe i just needed someone to know that i’m hurting

5 months ago | [YT] | 1,126

boyfie

happy valentines day lovely💗

11 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 389

boyfie

happy chinese new year everyone!!
xin nian kuai le 🧧🐉
maybe ill post smtg on reddit soon to celebrate, mwah ily <3

11 months ago | [YT] | 363

boyfie

Happy belated birthday to me :>
I recently turned 20, still a baby boy tho💗

1 year ago | [YT] | 789

boyfie

happy diwali✨ and halloween🎃 loves

1 year ago | [YT] | 332

boyfie

hi everyone, it’s the channel’s 3rd year anniversary today🫶🏼
just wanted to tell yall how grateful I am for all the love and support😵‍💫💗
i wanna do a livestream soon, but I need time to figure out how to set it up sksjksk🙇
thank you for being my online boyfies and girlfies <3
ilysm mwahh

1 year ago | [YT] | 518

boyfie

new audio everyone :)
its longer than usual cause im trying to see if people like longer stuff
if it flops i wont do much more tho🧸

1 year ago | [YT] | 89