Aimless Ryan

One of my goals in life is to make pizza again someday. That and to stand up/walk. Not necessarily in that order.

It’s been over six years since I’ve made a pizza, but I have thought about pizza a lot in that time. I feel like my pizza knowledge has grown considerably since the last time I made a pizza, but I just can’t do anything about it except daydream.

There’s not really any good pizza in Grove City or southwest Columbus. There’s just a bunch of average pizza and chain pizza. Flyer’s has really good customer service, but I don’t really care for their pizza.

I just wish I could see how the community would respond to my pizza. I’d probably offer two or three different styles, and maybe other styles on a special day of the week or something. But the most important aspect would be customer service. It doesn’t matter how good your pizza is if your customer service sucks.

I just want to make pizza again. And I want to make videos of it, so people can realize how easy it can be; so they can do it at home.

3 years ago (edited) | [YT] | 5

Aimless Ryan

I just had PT for the first time in months. I discontinued PT before this summer because I already spend a lot of time outside, doing PT type stuff. So I just met my new therapist.

Interestingly, she already knew who I am. Which I figured out before she told me, because she said she lives in Grove City. When she told me that, I just figured she had to be one of the thousands of drivers who pass me every time I go out there.

But there’s more.

She also knew of me from when I used to go to the YMCA and walk around the track (pre-beard). She said she figured out that the guy from the bridge was the same guy from the Y.

There’s probably more cool stuff that I can’t remember right now.

3 years ago | [YT] | 3

Aimless Ryan

I am now a lot less worried about being locked up in a nuthouse [by someone who belongs there]. It will never surprise me, though, if a bunch of deputies ever break into my home and take me away. It has happened too many times already, and she always manipulates everyone to make them think she did something good; as if I was a danger to myself or her. (I’m not, and I have never been.)

As you may have guessed, my brain kind of flaked out this spring. The first six months of this year were very rough. I just kept getting serious bacterial infections, and it took its toll. It was a pretty miserable period. I’m probably very lucky to have survived it. Hopefully I’ll find the motivation to make a video about it.

I’ve made a lot of progress the last couple months, though. Just the fact that I’m posting this is evidence, because the major reason why I stopped posting is because of my inability to communicate effectively. I was worried that my illnesses may have caused some brain damage.

But I’ve made a lot of physical progress, too. I haven’t filmed anything, but I feel like I may eventually get to the point where I will start wanting to do that again; when the progress may become visible.

3 years ago | [YT] | 2

Aimless Ryan

I have the feeling my mom is going to have the sheriff
take me to the Ohio State psych ward for a few weeks. I’m saying this now in case it happens sooner than I expect. She does this because she gets away with it. She has done it several times. I have made it very clear to her that every time she does it, I am deprived of my medication and it destroys my body. Also, I don’t belong there.

I’m putting this here now in case it happens very soon. I intend to make a video about this. It’s a crime, and it has already taken so much life from me.

In case it’s not clear, this has not happened yet this week. Today is September 19, 2022.

She is able to do that because she’s willing to say anything to get what she wants. It’s not about my mental health. It’s about getting her way.

4 years ago | [YT] | 1

Aimless Ryan

I think I’m in the middle of a Herx. If so, that could be good. As you may have guessed, not much has been good for a while. I didn’t realize it until a couple days ago, but all those antibiotics I took earlier this year seem to have done a number on me. I’m trying to gain some momentum, but this takes a lot of work.

4 years ago | [YT] | 4

Aimless Ryan

After getting a room in this hospital Saturday night, they set me up to receive pain medicine only when I ask for it, as long as I don’t ask for more than I’m prescribed.

Having to ask for my medicine every six hours gets old. And then I usually end up getting it every seven hours. So Sunday morning I asked the doctor to change it to my normal schedule (10 mg every SIX hours).

He said no problem.

This ended up getting me medicine every FOUR hours, but my maximum daily dosage stayed the same. So I ended up having to go 12 hours between doses.

Not cool.

Monday morning I again asked the doctor to change it so I am scheduled 10 mg every SIX hours.

I got my first dose at 8 AM and I got my second dose at 2 PM, without having to ask for it. Seemed the problem was taken care of.

But then at 6 PM, my nurse was going to give me my pain medicine. I asked her not to, for reasons I have already explained.

Her shift ended at 7 PM.

At 8 PM, when I should have received the dose she wanted to give me at 6 PM, it never came. So after asking for it, I finally received it at 9 PM. When I asked my new nurse why it happened that way, I got an explanation I can’t explain or figure out.

This hospital has been very good in almost every other way, but this crap has caused me stress for no reason. And it continues causing me stress for no reason, because the problem still has not been fixed.

I just want my medicine every six hours, like normal. Why is that so difficult?

Do they think I only hurt half the day?

Here’s a view of downtown Columbus from my hospital room. I am on Stringtown Road, near I-71 in Grove City. I’ve been to this hospital a lot lately because I live in Grove City. They usually end up sending me somewhere else, though, I guess because this hospital is really small. This is my first time being admitted here.

(It’s not the hospital near the bridge where I exercise.)

4 years ago (edited) | [YT] | 3

Aimless Ryan

Guess where I am.

Give up?

A hospital. I was going to say it’s for the same reason as usual, but then I realized they haven’t told me enough for me to confidently say that. But I’ve received the same treatment as usual, so I’m sure I have at least a UTI.

This is getting old.

Thankfully I caught this one early (I think), so it’s probably not nearly as bad as previous ones. Still, I was basically unable to move for at least 30 hours. But I’m finally becoming able to use my arms.

I have to figure out how to make this stop happening.

4 years ago | [YT] | 2

Aimless Ryan

My mom is so unbelievably insane. And it’s gonna kill me. Soon. And everyone’s going to feel bad for poor Claudia, because she does nothing but lie. I might share some of the evidence, but I probably won’t waste my energy.

4 years ago | [YT] | 3

Aimless Ryan

Today I woke up wet. That’s annoying enough, but I soon detected a foul smell. It was the smell of bacteria, which I’ve been getting to know pretty well. This was the third time I’ve detected such a smell since I’ve been home from the rehab facility.

Although I didn’t feel sick, I decided it was time to go to a hospital, because this was the third time, and because I don’t feel like I got any warning last time. Which made me pretty sure I was experiencing another infection.

I went to the same hospital where I went about a month ago, before my hospital stay and rehab facility stay. I hoped maybe I caught it soon enough that I’d be able to treat it without staying at a hospital or requiring another stay at a rehab facility.

I am still nowhere near as strong as I was before I got sick. I’m worried. I’m scared. I don’t expect to be around much longer. I’m beginning to want death. This is no way to live.

Not long after providing a urine sample at the hospital today, the nurse informed me that there’s no sign of any infections right now. I was surprised. And relieved.

This shit is fucking my brain; both physically and whatever other way there is. I want to get really high, but I don’t know if I have the strength. Maybe I should just do it anyway.

4 years ago | [YT] | 1

Aimless Ryan

I never dream.

The last few days, I’ve been dreaming like crazy.

I miss it. I never realized how important it is to dream, but it is. The feeling of waking up from a dream and thinking about what I’ve just dreamed is like riding roller coasters all day. It’s like breathing. And I think it’s impossible to understand this unless you’ve experienced what I’ve been experiencing.

I think this is happening because I have not consumed any weed for the last month. Well, I did once yesterday, but that’s it so far.

This has been aided by the fact that I’ve slept a whole bunch since I’ve been home. Which has happened because I didn’t sleep much while I was away.

This is profound. If you ever stop dreaming, be worried, because we need to dream.

4 years ago | [YT] | 2