Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

We received these hats from Swedish milliner @beatarydbacken - I did not know my life would lead me to bespoke borzoi head adornments, but here we are. I remember listening to the song ROLL OUT by Ludacris in my best friend’s (@jeffellisworldwide ) maroon colored @vw Passat on our way to play tennis at these fancy af courts- just two hooligans shagging balls, playing Roll Out (That is a version of tennis where the only way to get “out” is if the ball stops bouncing). It’s chaos. Hootin and hollering, getting looks from the stuffed shirts and white skirts, who just wanted to sweat away their light champagne headaches and caviar cramps. These hats reminded me of that. All good art kicks a sleeping neuron or two.

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5 hours ago | [YT] | 369

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

SABIN has a fun new game. It’s called “wake the giant” where he walks over to a peacefully sleeping Moose Galoot and BITES HER TAIL (pic 2). She freaks out. They fence with their snoots, CLICK CLACK, for 5 minutes or until one of them barfs up the water they just schlorped. Then Sabin will casually return to his bone like nothing ever happened. This makes no sense to me, especially since Moose seems to… like it? Idk. The Manor prevails.

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1 day ago | [YT] | 1,254

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

The hose goats have free reign of the my bed during the day, that’s part of the pact - relinquishing all claims come evening repose. HOWEVER, that means I have to keep a protective sheet on my bed, some ugly old thing I don’t care about. No one gets to see my wife’s beautiful bed spread, they just see the waste sheet. The carrot cover. No dog besides @murphywhitefoot eats the entire carrot, most leave behind rabbit confetti. When I was a weeeeeeee lad my parents used to put CHAIRS on the bed to keep the borzois off, so guests just thought we were schizophrenic or had a poltergeist. Now, if you go to pic 4, you’ll see that Ora has begun trying to take over the TV chair. Anytime I stand up she jumps on and calls NO TAKE BACKSIES. She doesn’t even fit on the damn thing. Soon I’ll have to get a chair cover, something clear like we are back in the 50s, or I’ll just put the chair on the bed. Help me.

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3 days ago | [YT] | 2,020

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

MEME MONDAY
1. Created by @barry_the_borzoi on the snoot emporium discord
2. 🥴
3. If you see him call this number 1-800-BAD-SNEP
4. Available Q1 2026
5. No escape

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4 days ago | [YT] | 1,244

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

NO STREAM TODAY. Sorry, I’ve been kidnapped by the easter bunny and he has been making me clean up its pellet poops. Unfortunately, they are the size of nerf footballs, since it is freakishly large. How it retains the metabolic rate of a regular rabbit is beyond my biological knowledge. I suppose it’s probably radiation? Some epigenetic mutation. It’s not gigantism, it’s is still as agile as the wind - trust me, I tried to run away and he caught me, laughed at me, made me eat a blue egg, and threw me back into manacles. Can’t wait for this day to be over.

5 days ago | [YT] | 1,075

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

I bought glow in the dark eyes as a tactic in my war against the nocturnal rock squirrel that is chewing my dripper lines. I thought I could scare it. I woke up this morning and my yard looked like a water park for mud golems. It chewed haphazardly, if not purposefully, across my property. I am an animal lover, but I would fire this squirrel out of a cannon if I could. Of course I would give it a small helmet and goggles, maybe even a cape - Mantis Manor is, if anything, OSHA compliant. In happier news, I also made a new and improved googly eye hat. I think these are my best photos. So maybe I should thank the squirrel? I am so confused.

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1 week ago | [YT] | 2,455

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

When you get to Episode 4 of @appletv new show GOVERNMENT CHEESE, you will see a familiar face. Locke was confused, after a bit of probing with “who is that” he finally rattled off a quavering “dad!?” Ora was very excited, as she is wont to do when I am holding buttered toast. Unfortunately she couldn’t care less about the television show, even though this scene was presented in her favorite color palette, greyscale, and CHEESE is in the title. Honored to have worked with such a fantastic group of humans- Please bring me back for more episodes. Enjoy the obligatory trailer and set photos where I make the same face 5 times because I want to be Arthur Morgan. (Pic 2 is from YEARS AGO. The prophecy came true)

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1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 796

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

These are *Not altered!
***Not is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Bold-Faced Lion corporation.
1. Some borzois are like xenomorphs and when they get excited an even smaller borzoi pops out of their mouth. The smaller one’s breath is always extra fishy.
2. A completely normal nose
3. Sabin has fine taste in finery and is looking to drop ship all over your life.
4. A kirlian photograph of Ora’s Aura. She’s radioactive.

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1 week ago | [YT] | 1,890

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

I’m always impressed with the different types of bugs around the Manor. We even had a baby mantis on my eggplant, such a good sign (I zoomed in for you on the last picture)

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1 week ago | [YT] | 2,129

Jacob Chattman (Esperborzoi)

These are cursed. I wanted to take non cursed photos of Sabin, but that is proving to be impossible. He is a giant ferret, or some kind of muppet on mushrooms, or in pic 3 he somehow reminds me of a little old lady going to the grocery store on Sunday after church. I don’t get it. He could be the weirdest borzoi the manor has ever seen, and that is saying A LOT.

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1 week ago | [YT] | 1,575