୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

Guys I'm gonna need you all to be so real with me, is blasting music (more specifically rock) to distract myself a bad habit? I feel like it is but it helps decently.. but the habit that ties into that is cvtting too. Constant blasting music using headphones, constant blood on my wrists. Is it bad?

(also my gf sees this, no you didn't. im fine :D)

I'll tag because I want actual answers....
‪@aelitverse.ৎ‬ ‪@Hongxjoong_8‬ ‪@AteezHusbandSan‬ ‪@luvs.katseye‬ ‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬ ‪@XenixValღ‬ ‪@mxgans_obxssionৎ‬ ‪@Vuhaix‬ ‪@Ssaxwslo‬

1 week ago | [YT] | 29

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

TY ALL FOR 200 SUBSS YAY !! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH TYSM FOR SUPPORTING MEEEEE !!

‪@aelitverse.ৎ‬ ‪@Hongxjoong_8‬ ‪@AteezHusbandSan‬ ‪@luvs.katseye‬ ‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬ ‪@XenixValღ‬ ‪@mxgans_obxssionৎ‬ ‪@Vuhaix‬ ‪@Ssaxwslo‬

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 7

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

Hai my Doormatz !

I know I'm doing this post a little later in the day than normal, but whatever. Anyways, I hope life has been treating you all well and that you're having an amazing time during the holiday season. I'm going to try to post more, but I'm not sure. Again, no motivation. I will try for you all though !!!!!

Since it's my first christmas with all of my fans and online friends, I will be writing a letter to my fans and most of my online friends on christmas ! I want to show that I appreciate you all, because I feel as if I don't say it enough.

Overall, I hope you all are having an amazing time this year. I love you all <3

‪@aelitverse.ৎ‬ ‪@Hongxjoong_8‬ ‪@AteezHusbandSan‬ ‪@luvs.katseye‬ ‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬ ‪@XenixValღ‬ ‪@mxgans_obxssionৎ‬ ‪@Vuhaix‬ ‪@Ssaxwslo‬

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 5

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

For ‪@Kpop-lover-y2d‬

I will most likely make a video about each member but here are some song recs (also this will obvi not be all the songs that fit into each category, but its just a few)

Popular songs:
-Bouncy
-Work
-Say my name
-Ice on my teeth
-In your fantasy
-Lemon drop
-Halazia
-Crazy form
-Guerrilla

Freaky songs hehehehe:
-Skin (seonghwa solo)
-Creep (san solo)
-Slide to me (yunho solo)
-Wake up
-In your fantasy
-It's you (wooyoung, san, and yeosang
-Blind
-Man on fire
-Lemon drop
-Masterpiece
-Cyberpunk
-Bouncy
-Deja vu
-Shaboom

Sad songs/comfort:
-Choose
-Utopia
-Better
-THANK U
-One day at a time
-Star 1117
-Take me home
-Still here
-All about you
-Turbulence
-Youth (yunho and mingi)
-Everything (jongho solo #1)
-Enough
-Now this house ain't a home
-Sagittarius (wooyoung solo)

Party songs hehh:
-Pirate king
-Treasure
-Hala hala
-Say my name
-Wave
-Illusion
-Answer
-Precious
-THANXX
-TO THE BEAT
-Inception
-The leaders
-Fireworks
-Rocky
-Deja Vu

Underrated for the last category ehe:
-Inception
-Man on fire
-Arriba
-Deep dive
- Masterpiece
-NO1 (hongjoong solo)
-Legacy (yeosang solo)
-Sagittarius (wooyoung solo)
-New world
-The ring
-Silver light
-Inception
-Django
-TO THE BEAT

Also, if you would wanna talk to me, my pinterest is "sleep4joongie"

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 3

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

Hai my Doormatz !

How was yalls thanksgiving? (if you celebrate) I hope it was good and you got to see your family and have a fun time with them ! My thanksgiving was good, it was just eating good food and playing Uno with my cousins and other family members.

Anyways, it's basically christmas now ! MERRY CHRISTMASSSS HEHE
Speaking of christmas, I went to pick a christmas tree with my parents today since we refuse to own a fake tree, lol. It was cold, my hoodie and ripped jeans didn't do to well at keeping me warm, but at least a tree was picked out. Now, lets hope I don't light my hoodie on fire this year like I did last year around this time LMAO

‪@Hongxjoong_8‬ ‪@InternationalFann‬ ‪@aelitverse.ৎ‬ ‪@AteezHusbandSan‬ ‪@luvs.katseye‬ ‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬ ‪@XenixValღ‬ ‪@mxgans_obxssionৎ‬ ‪@Vuhaix‬ ‪@Ssaxwslo‬

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 7

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

Hai my Doormatz !

I'm not going to be online again until saturday since I'm going somewhere for thanksgiving. Have a nice thanksgiving guys, I hope you eat good food and have a happy time ! (If you do stuff for thanksgiving or celebrate it at all)

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 4

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

‪@Hongxjoong_8‬

Please vent to me. Please talk to me. I don't care if you do it here, I don't care if you do it on pinterest. Just please talk to me, I'm here for you and I always will be. I love you so much, I can't lose you too. Please, please, PLEASE talk to me. I'm begging you.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 2

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

FOR MY FRIENDS CUZ IM CURIOUS


1. What do you like most about me
2. What was your first impression of me
3. What's something I say a lot
4. If you had to give me a name based off my vibe, what would it be and why
5. Do you regret meeting me

‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬ ‪@Vuhaix‬ ‪@aelitverse.ৎ‬ ‪@Hongxjoong_8‬ ‪@AteezHusbandSan‬ ‪@luvs.katseye‬ ‪@mxgans_obxssionৎ‬ ‪@Ssaxwslo‬ ‪@XenixValღ‬ ‪@InternationalFann‬

3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 7

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

IM WRITING MINI LETTERS TO MY TWO PRECIOUS FRIENDS AGAIN BECAUSE IM BORED ( not getting a letter here doesn't mean i dont love you btw)

Starting off with definitely my favorite (online) friend, ‪@Vuhaix‬
Ahhh, you're really special to me ml. Even if we just started talking like a week ago, you have a place in my heart lol. You're just really sweet and fun to talk to. Talking to you makes my day so much better and you're one of the people keeping me going ! I love having you in my life, you're an amazing friend and I just love you so much. You're important to me and I hope you never forget it, my darling <3333 (also you're my wife, heheh. MINEEEEE)

Next, ‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬
I know we don't talk too much, but you're also important to me and I love knowing you. You're an amazing person !! Just remember that you're not annoying, you're not anything bad. I love you sm ml

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 1

୨⎯ Estella ⎯୧

Hii ! (Today is a rant)

As you ( or some of you ) might know , I haven't really been doing the best. But at least, it's not only because I miss her. I pray to god that none of you actually saw the arguments and shit I had with my ex friends on here, and if you did, I promise you that I am NOT like that. I don't normally get as mad as I did in that moment.

Anyways, I've kind of just decided that like, I should maybe try getting better with my mental health? Life is short, so I guess you kind of just have to live it how you want to. Part of me wants to keep suffering, I still think I deserve it, and I know I've hurt a lot of people in my life, whether I meant to or not. I also know I'm not good at comforting, I kind of just lost a bit of my spark on that October night... But the other part of me kind of wants to just not give a fuck. Part of me believes that not everything is my fault, no matter what any fucking bitch says. Sure, some things may have been my fault, but most things ARE . NOT . my fault like Annika said.

I'm still trying to decide whether I was gonna try and get better, but I'm leaning toward trying to get better (at the moment) since honestly, I feel like part of me deserves it. The people who are my friends, I'm good to them. My exes, I was good to them all. Two of them only became my exes because of their shitty behavior, and because they didn't try hard enough to maintain the relationship. Again, that's not really my fault.

To be honest, I know I still have good in me, like I said. Yeah, I've hurt people. But everyone has. Some might consider me a bad person, for purposely trying to hurt people. Which is what I do at times. And I certainly do not regret saying all the hurtful and harsh things to my group (ive been the worst to them) because they're just toxic at this point. How you may ask?

"G" has made "B" cry pointless times, and never apologized for it. I've always had to comfort "B" because no one else would. (One of the many examples)
And there has been times where the entire group would just basically go against me and argue with me, which always hurt me whether they want to admit it or not. They like to say all the arguments are my fault, but they're really not. Wanna yell at me for making online friends? I was making them so that I could get away from the group.

I don't give a shit what anyone in the group says anymore. I don't give a fuck if they hate on me, I don't give a fuck if they "miss" me, because I'm certainly not going back to them.

Even if I don't try to get better, I'll still never let them get to me the way they used to again.

ANYWAYS I LOVE U ALL SM TY FOR LISTENING TO ME RANT LMOA
(also tysm for being such a good friend to me , gorgeous ‪@Vuhaix‬ )

‪@aelitverse.ৎ‬ ‪@Hongxjoong_8‬ ‪@AteezHusbandSan‬ ‪@luvs.katseye‬ ‪@Hwa_Stwarz‬ ‪@mxgans_obxssionৎ‬ ‪@Ssaxwslo‬

3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 3