animating to satisfy the little goblin in my brain


Toby Animates

After half a year of consideration, I have finally made the difficult decision to quit YouTube.

I’ve been on this platform for just about 4 years of my life, and I’ve always put my all into the content. I started this all because I wanted to show my work, and express my talent to people for feedback and thoughts on the final work, and overtime it’s gone from a small little passion that would take up a very small amount of time to something that has taken up my life to the point where I became the channel more than my actual living self. When I started, I was very young, as you can tell from my voice change, and I saw others on the platform animating, getting large followings and meeting amazing people. I wanted to do that too, no matter how much work I needed to do for it. I never knew what I was getting myself into. For the first 2 years I was a very small animator, and I just did this all as a side hobby, primarily focusing on school and other forms of art and just discovered more hobbies, such as electric guitar, racing, etcetera, which was some of the best times of my life, especially around that time. But around the 2 year point is where everything changed. I started to grow, faster and faster, and I started to see the potential of all of this, and I decided that this is what I want to focus on. I threw all my hobbies to the side for YouTube, and focused on it more than anything for about a year. I still hung out with friends and family, but I would only call and chat with my friends from school outside of school twice or so every week. I wanted to see the numbers keep going, which eventually happened. I worked hard, met amazing people and I always wanted more and more. I always wanted to do better and better work because as my audience grew I always had that pressure to do better in that way. I would always pressure myself because that was the only way I would actually end up being productive. So that led to more and more deadlines and more time dedicated to animation. I started to do the bare minimum in school, not even studying for tests and exams so I can have time for drawing and animating. I became unhealthy attached to YouTube and the life YouTube had for me that I started to throw away my other life, my actual life, for some stupid numbers. I became a bad friend, which I can recognize from how little I hung out with my friends outside of school last year. Back then I didn’t care, I always had the same mentality that everything will be all good once I get super large and just always grind 24/7, which was a terrible mindset for me to have but I believed it and it led me here.
So as the numbers increased I started to work on the video that made me think about even quitting in the first place, which was the “Being A YouTuber In School” video. Some would see those numbers it gained and be excited, and you guys right now probably don’t understand how that made me want to quit, but just let me explain. When that video grew and grew I started to realize this whole thing could be a real job, and a real career I could step into in the future. I started to spend a lot of time by myself, thinking about it, and I started to realize how it won’t get easier, I’ll get more obsessed, addicted to the channel like it was a drug.
But in the end I didn’t give the thought of quitting too much attention besides from that moment because that didn’t matter, since I had my biggest project yet that was coming up, the “Why I Am Obsessed With Cars” video. It was and still is my longest video by far, reaching 11 minutes when my videos usually reach around 5-6 minutes or so, so when I was reading the script I wrote and realizing the length I had to make the decision: do I want to dedicate my entire summer to this? Do I want to waste a portion of my childhood, my whole summer and throw people to the side for this? Will it be worth it? I thought hard, and ultimately decided I wanted to, just because I wanted to “try out” a longer video format which was the excuse my YouTube obsessed brain gave myself to justify my actions, but that was a terrible mistake. I cancelled all camps and events for the summer and isolated myself, so I could only animate the entire summer and so I can get the video out within 5 months, and so I can give my audience the quality they want in a time they want, which I somehow ultimately did, but it was a price I had to pay. I paid that price with several hours animating every single day, not even leaving my room besides getting food, not even seeing my family for some days and putting deadlines on myself every single day. And around the 1 month mark I started to get insanely burnt out. To the point I didn’t even wanna work on the video anymore, it was draining me immensely, but I kept going. I was always stressed about the video because if I even missed or took one day off I’d be behind schedule and the video wouldn’t make it out in time, so I put harsher deadlines, more hours and less time with friends and family. Way less time with friends and family. I would skip calls with friends so I can animate alone, I wouldn’t talk with family so I can animate alone, I wouldn’t even go shopping because I knew that I was behind on the deadline around the corner. I was frying my brain, I was missing my family, my friends and feeling terrible, rotten even, but I always said to myself: “just a couple more months, then I can spend all the time I want with them during the school year.” and over the weeks and weeks I noticed how inaccurate that really was, in reality I was just stuck in a loop that I trapped myself in. I started to realize how much I became the channel, I wasn’t my real self, I was always Toby Animates, all the time, 24/7. I would only talk about YouTube with my family and friends because it was always on my brain, I couldn’t let it be for a moment. I was rotting myself just making the content.
People who aren’t animators won’t understand me much on this just because they don’t know how much work these videos take which is completely fair, but yall who animate know how it is, its rough. I did 100% of that video, because that was the challenge I faced myself with. I made every background, every character, every little doodle was all me, which for an 11 minute video which was double my normal amount of runtime that I would get done in the same time that my deadline was, was very difficult. I decided as I started to complete my video that I would take a week break when I finish the video, so I can live my real life more than my second one, which was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. I barely get breaks for myself, just because as mentioned, I was always stressing on the video so I wanted it out ASAP without any slack, so this break was like heaven. I spent that last week of summer hanging out with the friends I shoved to the side, hanging out with my little brother some more, and overall just enjoying life and going places. I can’t describe just how free I felt, just because I didn’t have that stress on my shoulders that I always had work to do, and that I always felt behind from my realistic standards.
By the end of the week I went to a campsite for a quick last minute vacation before school with a lot of my family. It was an amazing experience, I spent time with people I haven’t talked to in forever, and YouTube wasn’t on my mind that whole trip which was a first in actual years. I started to enjoy life, and it made me realize, this is just amazing. It made me realize how much I wanted to be a normal kid some more, and how I wanted to experience everything that other kids my age can because of the free time and bonds they have with people. When I got back I decided to take one more break, just to live some more of everything I’ve been missing. This is when school started, so I began to focus on school a ton, and spend time with my school friends who I haven’t hung out with in forever and that was when I made the decision. I wanted to quit and live one life rather than two. It took me half a year to realize that, but it’s something that I decided was right, especially because in hindsight I can see the switch from a passion and a hobby to a job or a chore from all the time I’ve been animating on here. So after that realization I started to talk with more and more friends, both school friends and animator ones, and also my family about this decision. And after talking with them for a while and hearing their takes on it, and others as well, I have decided that I do want to quit, and live my childhood before it’s all thrown away because of my addiction to numbers and YouTube.
It’s been a dream doing this for all of you, and I hope you guys enjoyed my time here. There may be people that are angry, or even some people who might actually be happy I’m leaving, but no matter who you are I want to thank you all one last time for everything you all have given me. This has all been a blessing but all good things come to an end, and I really wish all the young animators reading this a bunch of luck with YouTube, and I hope you all don’t make the same mistakes I have.
So for one last time, I love you all, thank you.

Toodles.

2 months ago | [YT] | 4,853

Toby Animates

11:30AM EST

3 months ago | [YT] | 1,210

Toby Animates

just a couple more days

3 months ago | [YT] | 1,311

Toby Animates

8/23

3 months ago | [YT] | 829

Toby Animates

heya guys!
just wanted to officially announce that my character has gotten a small redesign

i have added:
-darkened hair poofs which reside below both of the ears
-blueish-gray pants, which originally was white

i saw you guys commenting on other posts about how you noticed the small hair poof addition in my banner and profile picture, so i decided it was a good time to release the news publicly!!!!!
ill see yall later, toodles!

5 months ago | [YT] | 2,595

Toby Animates

thank you guys for 75,000 subscribers!!!
ima be working EXTRA hard on this next video for yall (dw ill try not to get burnt out lol)

5 months ago | [YT] | 1,113

Toby Animates

quick lil update

5 months ago | [YT] | 880

Toby Animates

THIS CHANNEL HAS REACHED 50K SUBSCRIBERS
HALFWAY TO 100K!!!!

thanks for all of your support, and thanks for boosting this channel to the point it is at now!
also, ik you guys LOVED the last video, so i'm already in the process of making my next one :D

ima go do some audio editing, i'll see yall later
THANK YOUU!!!
toodles :)

7 months ago | [YT] | 3,204

Toby Animates

Alrighty, so my new video is out, what did yall think? Give me some honest feedback!

7 months ago | [YT] | 465

Toby Animates

TOMORROW.

7 months ago | [YT] | 1,230