Roses in Houston

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Roses in Houston

Inspired by the book - "The Echos of Love" by Esther Roseglenn

...............

The Reflections of Loss by me

The heaviness of life carries an uncomfortable weight in our heart

Versus

The emptiness of life carries....

To some...it's a void that can't be replaced
To some..it's a sadness or grief
To some...it's a loneliness
To some...it's a pain

To some...it's an echo of past memories
To some..it's a longing that can't be fulfilled
To some..it's a loss of gentle touch and embrace
To some..it's a loss of whisper of love and assurance

To some..it's a one-way conversation without an audience
To some..it's a loss of an anchor, a safe place
To some..it's a loss of comfort
To some..it's a familiarity that you can't go back

To some..it's a loss of spark of life and hope

To some..it's a space you make to welcome something new
To some..it's a new beginning that you have to start on your own whether by your choice or not
To some..it's an excitement of a new chapter that awaits

Perhaps it isn't our job or obligation to define what emptiness or loss means to someone...how or how long they should feel or get over just because we feel uncomfortable with them feeling sad/down.

After all, each of us goes through life differently in our own unique way.

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1 week ago | [YT] | 2

Roses in Houston

It sounds crazy, but it starts with "you" learning to trust, forgive and embrace yourself again.

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2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Roses in Houston

My understanding of popularity, fame and visibility changes throughout the year. This post is inspired by an interview that popped up on my feed yesterday.

I don't follow the work of this person or knew who she is. After a few minutes of this interview, you can see how scared/sad she was despite the money and fame she experienced since a young age.

Bless her heart and may she find peace and love she always sought and deserved. https://youtu.be/vs6x8VUGXCw?is=IXFuU...

Several years ago, I wanted to be popular especially after the rise of YouTube and social media. Anyone can be influencers, stars and celebrities in their own rights, including kids at very young ages.

What is so attractive about being popular or famous?

Money, status, recognition, attention, acceptance, lavish lifestyle.....what not to love???

Money..money..money..my lack mentality that ran deep in my family lines made me love money so much. Along with the need to be seen/heard/accepted from childhood neglect/wound.

Let me tell you.... it's like riding on a struggle bus, at least from my personal experience.

An introvert wanting to be seen requires a lot uncomfortable hoops to jump through from putting yourself out there, questioning if you're good enough, learning and figuring out how to communicate/social media strategies and 500 other things.

While it's tiring, it's fun and challenging especially the thoughts of going viral or receiving overwhelming amounts of likes.

I remembered a few times posting in some private large FB groups and my posts received overwhelming likes/loves and comments. I was floored and felt driven even more to repeat the same recipe of "what I perceived as" success. Talking about adrenaline rush.

I knew one of my strongest abilities was storytelling. I had ways with words and visuals, the ability to tell/entertain/convey/convince or break down complex subjects into ways people can easily digest. I knew that's my super power and I had opportunities to practice and sharpen that skill through real life and online interactions for years.

But it's tiring as everytime I created something, I expected successful results, likes, acceptance and perfections. It must be higher/better than last time, what's wrong with it? It's always about expectations and disappointments.

With visibility and recognition, it came with backlash and unwanted feedbacks. People who don't like you, what you say, ready to backstab when they had their chances.


It started to feel heavy and burdensome actually.

What I quickly realized - fame and visibility come with a high level of responsibilities and of course the lack of privacy. More people had more access to you, wanted to talk to you, wanted this and that.

Your words also carry weight and creditabilty because people listen and trust you. Everything you say must be thoroughly researched and thought through.

You have to know how to draw clear lines and boundaries, how/when to respond and when not to, how to groud yourself and not rise with praises/recognitions because you can fall hard when your prime time is over.

Through the years, we have also witnessed many well-known people leaving this world due to depression.

If wealth and fame were the epitome of happiness, why did they feel depressed and wanted to be done with life??

Look at us normal poeple who go through shitty moments in life, we can hardly have it all together.

At this point through my eyes, fame is just a tool.

Not a status quo, not an indicator that someone is better than others, not someone's worth, not a badge of honor, not an indicator of success or eternity.

A cleaner, a waste collector, a janitor all are worthy as a human and deserves respect and recognition much as a doctor, a celebrity or a billionaire.

Most importantly, fame isn't who the person is.

We rise, we fall, we sail through our lives to experience the peak, the bottom of the pit and more.

I can't imagine the younger generation, especially those under 15 years old being exposed to fame when they know very little to nothing about themselves, the world, the pressure and more. It's more challenging when being pressured by parents for money and status.

We have seen people like Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Brittany Spears and many who are all going through the very same struggle with depression.

In the meantime, fame isn't a bad thing either.

Everything has two sides, depending on how a person sees/uses it. As long as a person doesn't identify or let one's ego or greed take over, you can use that to influence something impactful/beneficial to the world or convince people to the dark side.

Everything is a choice that comes with desirable or undesirable outcomes. You choose.

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Roses in Houston

Do you believe that the higher power or universe can see what we can't see? 

Whatever that don't work out, it's a way of protection or there's a reason that we will understand later.

Let me attest to this (although I must admit that I was/am mad that universe stops my many ambitions and dreams).

I must have had too many dreams/things to the point the universe was tired of constantly keeping me out of troubles from being such an overachiever!

In 2019, just about one year after starting my web design/photography business in addition to working full-time in HR (and on a single mom's schedule), 

I thought about starting a 2nd business as if I didn't have enough on my plate!! 

Back then, multiple streams of income was a trend I was intrigued about. Since my web design was a service-based biz model, let's explore a product-based world.

Of course,  day and night difference.

In the back of my mind, I actually avoided going that route because I didn't want to deal with having inventory, mailing, and those messes, but I was curious. 

This product was too cool not to pursue and share, it got me so excited!!

I saw someone posted a pic of a special plate. Yes, the plate - I had to hunt down the person who made it.

The compostable plates made of 100% leaves, intellectual products created by villagers in a small village of Thailand. 

These plates were not only eco-friendly, they helped a micro, small community. This community based project helped people create income in their own town by using natural resources. 

Their products told their stories, what not to love??

I started drawing my plan, doing marketing analysis, competitor research, contacting the local community group leader who offered to send me free samples. I also became their angel investor and we made an inital deal for me to become a sole distributor for the US region.

In the meantime, I had potential  customer whom I knew would buy these plates. I had connections with a few chefs in CA from the time I collaborated with a local chef for his food event. I started marketing this product. CA was a lot more eco-concious than many other states so this product would do better there. 

I also randomly searched eco-concious chefs on IG and DMed them to market the plates and I got them super excited and lined up to buy.

I did my own product photography, had my models ready (a.k.a. my daughter and cat). 

I was so ready to sell!!! 

BUT when with the products that came into contact with food, you had to go through US FDA (Food and Drug Administration). 

For months, I went back and forth with various FDA agents who gave me different answers. They said the plates had to be coated with certain food safe substances to make sure there's no potential viruses/bacteria or etc on the surfaces.

Then I had to go find people who could figure out the scientific formula for the coating. For months, between waiting to hear from the FDA and trying to figure out this mess, I didn't give up. I was mad and thought heck....why so many obstacles?!?!?!

I had my products ready, my customers asking when they'd be able to buy...but why?????

Then the year 2020 came, the year all hell broke loose.

The world shut down, one country, one region, one continent and the next thing you knew...almost all businesses shut down or had to significantly changed how they operated.

That's why....


The higher power knew if everything worked out in my favor, I'd suffered financially with the products I couldn't ship or sell.


I wasn't meant to go on that path, it wasn't my destiny I guess. Of course I was sad because that's what I really wanted to do at that time.

Since then when something I want badly doesn’t work out, I am reminded of this blessing in disguise. 

If/when things aren't working out for you, trust that there's a reason you can't see ot understand.✨️

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Roses in Houston

This screenshot was captured back in 2018. It certainly has been a wide ride and it hasn't stopped.

This may be the message that someone needs to hear today and as a reminder for me personally about the unknown path/new phase of life I am on.

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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

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Miracle in the dark

Last month while enroute to New Hampshire from Maine by a rental car, I experienced what I truly believed to be a miracle/ a sign of protection from a higher power. 

Whoever you believe in, I am not a religious person so I'll refer to this as the higher power, unseen force, angel, universe.

After spending a night in this town called Freedom, Maine at an amazing Airbnb, we headed to the famous Arcadia National Park. So touristy at its peak. 

The town nearby "Bar Habor" was slammed and jam packed with tourists, it's pretty crazy. We spent more time there than we expected to so we left much later.

The drive time to another Airbnb in New Hampshire was about 4 hours away. On the way, there's rain. 

The rain wipers of that rental car were in such poor condition you could barely see ahead.

Then as it got darker, the rain continued. 

The worst part? 

Not only the wipers sucked, there's no street lights and you could barely see the lines on the road!!! 

Just imagine how scary on the two lane roads. The route took us through small towns and small roads with very few m lights few and far in between.

You could barely see as there's no car in front of you either. It's absolutely the most stressful and scariest road trip. 

Honestly, ghosts were none of my concern at that point. I just wanted us to get to the destination safely!

Along the way you saw warning signs of Moose. Wild animals tend to cross the raod at night and cause accidents as they're massive animals.

Add that to the stress factor 🤯🤣 

My cortisol probably shot up 10 times on that road trip of a lifetime.

The rain continued, it's darker and darker. You only saw cars coming from another direction here and there. In Texas, it's still bright as of 8:30pm but in the northern partof the country, it gets dark much faster.

Finally made a stop at a small town for a bathroom break, luckily there's an auto part store nearby that's still opened as of 8:30pm in this small town (and they had the wipers that could work) to allow us to change the wipers so we could see better.

Hopped back on the road, the darkness and rain continued. Even my daughter who's mostly in her own little world listening to music with headphones on, she stopped listening and had her eyes glued to the road. She was nervous. 

I mean who wouldn't?!?!

Half way through this terrifying experience driving in the pure darkness in the middle of nowhere where you could barely see a damn thing.

SUDDENLY there's a car ahead of us comingout of nowhere!!!!!

The entire time that vehicle seemed to go to the direction we're heading to. It didn't seem random at all as if this car was sent to help guide us through the darkness. I called them "the guiding light".

We finally made it out of small town road to the interstate highways where there's more light and much brighter.

THANK GOD!!! OR more like thank that car in front of us.

Looking back, many times in my life and theses past several months when major events took place, they're so scary and I had no clue how everything would be resolved. 

Every single time, a help was sent to the rescue in the most unexpected form/way. There's always a plot twist to every single situation as if the universe says you must trust us, stop worrying/fearing. Yet I still have fear and anxiety. Just stop sending me these scary events, my goodness, I have had enough PTSD!! I need a break!

Lesson learned: avoid nighttime road trips if not familiar with the route and always check the rental car 🤦‍♀️

That night, finally made it to an airbnb buried deep in the forest after 11pm, almost couldn't find it 😫 just to find out the bathroom was dirty. I ended up cleaning their bathtub and sink, went to bed and crashed out. What an exhausting day/vacation 🤣 More gray hair popping out.

This may explain why I barely feel safe in life... hyper vigilant, anxious, there's always something 🤦‍♀️Join me on a trip if your life is lame and boring, there's never a dull moment ever!!

New Hampshire was so breathtakingly beautiful by the way ✨️🫶

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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Roses in Houston

This phase in my life is the weirdest and most frustrating one I have ever experienced innmy 47 years on this planet earth. 

As a planner, nothing seems to go the way I want and I can't seem to plan or see things far ahead as if it's intentional.

What methods/strategy that used to work in the past, no longer work.

I absolutely hate it some days especially when I get anxious. Life (higher power or who k pws that is) is trying to force me to operate based on trust and faith, and it's incredibly hard as a logical/practical person.

So much in the unknowns..in the unseens...in the hiddens...the delays...the pause...the silence..yet my intuition can sense something .

It's almost like I can only peek a bit into what's behind the curtains, but not allowed to fully see or experience because it isn't the damn time yet.

A lot of things don't go how I want it to go, but they happen the way they should be - I guess 🤨

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Roses in Houston

I am a strong believer that we can start with what you have....although you have very little or nothing. Creativity and resourcefulness are keys to make magic happen.

This applies to all areas of life from personal life, business, wellness, and relationship

No need to wait until you have this or this or that to get started. We may never started.

My 47 years old self can attest to this.

In the self-care arena: age, physical conditions, financial resources are all mental or physical blockages that can be overcome.

You don't need fancy workout clothes or fancy fitness equipment. You can use your own body weight or go to park to use the free equipments.

You can be strong and healthy at any age if that's important to you.

NO gym, NO hours on end working out, NO fitness instructor, NO whey protein, NO overnight process. NO strict diet (I love my potato chips, ice cream, mango and sticky rice, carbs...but I indulge in moderation)

9 years of consistency. Fitness varieties/trainings, at home workout, nutrition adventures, supplements, many YouTube vidoes, trails and errors using the wrong muscle groups (ouch..ouch and ouch!)

You can start, you can do all the things you want to do no matter what age you are. No need to compare to others, each of us has our own unique path.

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Roses in Houston

This may reasonate with someone. Last year, I was called to dive deep to get to know myself. As weird as it may sound, I felt lost going through many different experiences..motions.. hustling through life in the past 20+ years, wearing different hats/roles.

I was called to go deep so I came up with this self-made worksheet on a whim.

For the longest time, I knew there were many sides/dimensions/facets/traits or personalities..whatever people want to label it. 

That animation "Inside Out" is pretty accurate as far as showcasing different emotions that we have. But these aren't just emotions, they are like different persona.


Some can be significantly opposite...


🤔 Aggressive VS kind/compromising

🤔 Bold/outgoing VS timid/introvert 

🤔 Outspoken VS reserved/observing

and more


It can be confusing, but after doing that exercise, it helps me identify ways I can strengthen and lower the risks associated with my compulsiveness, anger, high risk-tolerance, impatience, perseverance, tolerance or quick action taking.

The main trait/character is related to anger that stems from generational trauma/childhood experiences. Many of us experienced not being heard, seen, understood or validated growing up due to parents being away working to provide for family or other reasons. 

What I appreciate about this trait is this personality isn't afraid to set clear boundaries and knows how and when to speak up/ protect oneself when the line is crossed. What has taken me years to learn is how to respond gracefully instead of aggressively/forcefully. It's still a work in progress.

This is the persona that I had a very hard time dealing with/managing due to the level of emotional intensity and speed when triggered. I had to work really hard on regulate my nervous system which helped calm my default fight response. We all have different stress responses: fight, flight, freeze and fawn. It helps to know what yours is/are so you can pause before allowing yourself to act as you have always acted. We can also use all of them for different situations.

To me, I don't get rid of my anger and these powerful traits because they're important.

According to Dr. Gabor Mate, Anger helps us set strong boundaries and helps us protect ourselves in various situations. But the difference is..instead of lashing out, acting aggressively or being destructive. We can use that energy to speak up firmly to people who will potentially take advantage of us, use the boldness to do public speaking or pursue big dreams and such.


What I find it to be interesting is this personality is intense, confrontational, persistent, direct as if it embodies all of the masculine energy which is totally opposite from the other traits. This is one of the 6 personas that I discovered. Explosive, ambitious, resilient, destructive, sensual, hothead, crazy, cold hearted... very interesting indeed.

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