Trina Brettnell

Ever walk away from a conversation and think…

How did that turn into that?

You explained yourself carefully.
You chose your words thoughtfully.
You even softened things so it wouldn’t come across wrong.

And somehow…

they still didn’t get you.

If you’re an INFJ, you probably know exactly what I mean.

You open up honestly and people say you're too much.
You stay quiet and people assume you're cold.
You try to explain your thoughts and suddenly you're “overthinking.”

So later that night you're lying in bed replaying the conversation in your head like it’s a movie you can’t turn off.

What did I say wrong?
Did I come across weird?
Should I have explained that differently?

After years of that, you start doing what a lot of INFJs do…

You filter yourself.
You soften your thoughts.
You hide pieces of your depth.

Not because you want to.

Because you're tired of being misunderstood.

That’s exactly why I created The Misunderstood INFJ Workshop.

Because once you understand why this keeps happening, everything starts making a lot more sense.

If this post made you feel a little too seen…
you’ll probably want to check it out.

Check out the link to learn more: www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/the-misunderst…

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3 days ago | [YT] | 43

Trina Brettnell

Have you ever felt invisible in a room… even when you’re the one holding it together?

Not ignored.

Invisible.

Like you’re pouring depth, loyalty, thought, care into everyone around you…
and somehow you’re still the background character in your own life.

I know that feeling.

For a long time, being invisible turned into this quiet belief:
I don’t matter.
I’ve never mattered.

Maybe I just take up space instead of belonging in it.

And that one cuts deep.

Because here’s the part no one talks about…

INFJs don’t just “like” people.
We don’t casually care.

When someone matters to us, they matter Mariana Trench deep. We feel it in our nervous system. We rearrange ourselves to protect it. We hold space. We remember the details. We show up.

So when we’re misunderstood… dismissed… or made to feel dramatic, too much, too intense, too sensitive…

It doesn’t just sting.

It makes us question our entire existence.

How can I matter so deeply to others…
and feel like I don’t matter at all?

That’s the invisible INFJ wound.
And most of us are walking around with it quietly.

I created The Misunderstood INFJ workshop because I’m done pretending this isn’t a real thing. I’ve lived it. I still bump into it. And I know I’m not the only one.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, minimized, or like you’re speaking a language no one else seems to understand…

You’re not crazy.
You’re not broken.
And you’re definitely not alone.

If this hit somewhere tender, the link is there, in my bio if you want to learn more:

www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/the-misunderst…

Come sit in a room where you don’t have to shrink to be understood. 💛

6 days ago | [YT] | 45

Trina Brettnell

Did you find your missing friends yet…

or are they still scattered across the planet, quietly overthinking in their own living rooms? 🛸

Because listen.

Being an INFJ trying to make friends in the wild feels like accidentally being dropped into the wrong species documentary.

You walk into a room.
You say one deep thing.
Everyone freezes.

Cue the deer-in-headlights stare.

Meanwhile you’re just standing there like,
“Was that… not a normal thought?”

We’re either:
• too intense
• too quiet
• too observant
• or apparently from another solar system

And small talk?

We hate it, prefer to avoid it like a bad case of heartburn.

We just don’t want to live there.

So instead of trying to decode a room full of people who think “going deep” means talking about mortgage rates…

I created something easier.

A virtual INFJ Meet & Greet.
One place.
All of us.
No performing.
No pretending you didn’t just analyze the emotional undercurrent of the entire conversation.

Just INFJs finding their people without having to search every corner of the internet like it’s a personality-based scavenger hunt.
If you’ve been feeling like the “weirdest one in the room”…
maybe you’ve just been in the wrong room.

Check the link for the details on this little gathering of intuitive aliens. 👽✨

www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/virtual-meet-a…

1 week ago | [YT] | 39

Trina Brettnell

For most of my life, I truly believed I wasn’t lovable just as I am.

I believed I had to earn it.

I had to be helpful.
Useful.
Calm.
The emotional regulator.
The one who kept the peace.
The one who understood everyone else.

Somewhere along the way, I got wired to believe that who I am isn’t enough… but what I can give might be.

So I gave.
And gave.
And over-gave.

I became the fixer.
The therapist friend.
The strong one.

The one who absorbs the tension in a room before anyone else even names it.

And even then?

It still didn’t feel like enough.

If you’re an INFJ, you might know this pattern.
The people-pleasing.
The over-responsibility.
The chronic guilt when you rest.
The exhaustion from always scanning the emotional environment.
The quiet resentment that builds when no one seems to hold you.

This isn’t because you’re weak.
And it’s not because you’re broken.

It’s wiring.

Many of us were conditioned early to tie acceptance to usefulness. And when you combine that conditioning with an INFJ nervous system that is already deeply attuned, sensitive, and hyper-aware… you get someone who feels responsible for everyone.

In my Wired Differently: Understanding the INFJ Nervous System workshop, we go deeper into this.

Not surface-level “set better boundaries” advice.

We unpack:
• Why your nervous system scans and absorbs so much
• Why over-giving feels safer than just being
• Why rest can feel uncomfortable
• Why you default to fixer, peacekeeper, emotional anchor
• And how these patterns form in the first place
Because when you understand why you do what you do…you stop shaming yourself for it.

And when the shame softens, something powerful happens.

You gain choice.
You can start responding differently.
You can begin untangling worth from usefulness.
You can finally experiment with being accepted for who you are — not what you provide.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re only valuable when you’re helping…
This workshop is for you.
Learn more by following the link in my bio🥰 because you are worthy just as you are.

Check the comments to learn more.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 126

Trina Brettnell

I didn’t realize this until recently…

But for most of my life, I’ve been running on this quiet belief:

If I haven’t done enough…
I won’t be enough.

So at 10:47 p.m., when the house is quiet,
my brain starts replaying the day.

Did I respond the right way?
Did I help enough?
Did I miss something?
Should I have done more?

And underneath all of that isn’t ambition.
It’s fear.

Fear that if I’m not useful enough…
if I’m not needed enough…
someone will slowly pull away.

Somewhere along the line, I made my level of output equal my level of worth.

So even when the list is done,
my body doesn’t settle.

There’s this low, restless hum.
Like I still owe something.

This is what I unpack inside my workshop:Wired Differently:Understanding the INFJ Nervous System

Not productivity hacks. Not mindset fluff.

We talk about:
• Why so many of us feel uneasy if we haven’t given enough
• Why rest can feel like something you have to earn
• Why calm doesn’t always feel calm in your body
• Why there’s that 2 a.m. pressure even when no one is asking more of you
• And how to stop trying to secure love through over-functioning

Because until your nervous system believes you’re valued without performing…

you’ll keep chasing “enough.”

And it will keep moving.

If this feels familiar, the workshop was built for you.
Check the comments to learn more

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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 55

Trina Brettnell

Most people have no idea how invisible I’ve felt in my life.

Not ignored.
Not abandoned.

Invisible.

Because I got really good at saying “I’m fine.”
Really good at being low-maintenance.
Really good at hiding the parts of me that felt too much.

I didn’t realize for a long time that I wasn’t just hiding my feelings.
I was hiding myself.

And the painful part?

People can only understand the version of you they’re allowed to see.

So if you only show the “I’m fine” version…
That’s all they ever meet.
Which slowly turns into feeling misunderstood.
Unseen.
Like you could disappear and nobody would really notice.

For a lot of INFJs, this isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s a nervous system pattern.

Your system learned early that staying small felt safer than being real.

The good news?

When you start understanding your nervous system and learning how to work with it,
you don’t have to keep disappearing.
You don’t have to keep hiding.
And you don’t have to keep feeling invisible.

If you want to go deeper into this, my workshop Wired Differently: Understanding the INFJ Nervous System & Sensory Overload explores why this pattern forms and what actually helps, to learn more about my workshop follow the link: www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/wired-differen…

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4 weeks ago | [YT] | 76

Trina Brettnell

I’m fine.
It’s fine.
Everything’s fine.
Even when it isn’t.

I was really good at saying I was fine.

Even when I was in the darkest place internally.
Even when I was overwhelmed.
Even when I was being treated horribly.
Even when something inside me was quietly breaking.

Not because I was okay.
But because I didn’t feel worthy of taking up space with my pain.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that being low-maintenance felt safer than being honest.

For a lot of INFJs, this isn’t a personality quirk.
It’s a nervous system pattern.

When you grow up feeling unseen, misunderstood, or like your emotions are “too much,”
your nervous system adapts.

Hide it.
Contain it.
Carry it alone.

So pretending you’re fine becomes a regulation technique.

Silencing yourself becomes a regulation technique.
Holding everything inside becomes a regulation technique.
Not a healthy one.

A protective one.
And it’s exhausting.

You’re not weak.
You’re not broken.
You’re not overly sensitive.
You’re wired for protection.

If you’re an INFJ who feels chronically overwhelmed, overstimulated, or on edge,
my workshop Wired Differently: Understanding the INFJ Nervous System & Sensory Overload explores:
• Why your system operates the way it does
• How overload quietly builds beneath the surface
• Why pushing through makes things worse
• What actually helps

You don’t need to fix yourself.
You don’t need to become someone else. Just need to understand how you're wired. For more info, check out the link: www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/wired-differen…

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 26

Trina Brettnell

INFJs… I swear we could get slapped in the face and still be like:

“Are you okay?” 😩

Like why are we so kind… even when someone is clearly disrespecting us?

Here’s the truth I didn’t understand for years:

We don’t do this because we’re weak or just super nice people......

We do it because our nervous system learned:
“If I stay easy to love… I’ll be safe.”
So when we sense tension, distance, or rejection…
we don’t get louder.
We get nicer.
Quieter.
More understanding.
Less needy.

That’s not personality… it’s survival.

It’s called fawning — and it slowly teaches INFJs to abandon themselves.

And the cost is brutal:
We stop hearing our own needs.
We lose clarity.
We lose ourselves.

My newest workshop goes deeper into why INFJs fawn, what it costs, and how to reconnect with yourself in a nervous-system-safe way so alignment can return.
👉 follow the link to learn more www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/why-infjs-stru…

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4 weeks ago | [YT] | 45

Trina Brettnell

We were just trying to be the “nice INFJ”… and now we don’t even know what we want anymore.

We didn’t mean to lose ourselves.
We were just trying to keep the peace.

So we became “easy.”
Low maintenance.
Understanding.
Flexible.

We said “it’s fine” when it wasn’t.
We said “whatever you want” when we actually had a preference.
We said “I don’t need anything” when we needed a LOT.

Because deep down… people-pleasing isn’t really about being nice.
It’s about feeling safe.

If we stay easy… we won’t be rejected.
If we give enough… we’ll be kept.
If we shrink… we won’t be abandoned.

But here’s the cost nobody warns INFJs about:
When we people-please long enough…
our inner voice goes quiet.

We stop trusting our guidance.
And we lose the path that leads us back to clarity — and purpose.

If you relate to this, my newest workshop goes deeper into this exact pattern — why INFJs people-please and self-abandon, what it costs us, and how to reconnect with ourselves in a nervous-system-safe way so clarity (and purpose) can return.

If you’ve been feeling lost lately, this will help you come back to yourself — without forcing, overthinking, or overhauling your life. Follow the link to learn more.
www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/why-infjs-stru…

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 42

Trina Brettnell

INFJs… this is one of the hardest truths.
When we sense rejection coming, we don’t just feel hurt —

we shift.

We start scanning for what they want…
and we become it.

Even if it doesn’t align with who we are.
Even if it crosses our values.
Even if we’re being disrespected.

Because that feeling of rejection?
It cuts deep.

So we betray ourselves first…
so it hurts less if they leave.

But here’s the cost:
Every time we fawn to keep a connection…
we lose connection with ourselves.
And when we lose that long enough…
we start feeling lost, stuck, unsure what direction to take —
because we can’t hear our own voice anymore.

That’s exactly what my latest workshop helps with.
Not “finding purpose” in some cliché way…
but reconnecting with who you are underneath the fear —
so you can stop self-abandoning and start building a life that actually fits.

Check out the link to learn more: www.infjsunfiltered.ca/live-webinar/why-infjs-stru…

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4 weeks ago | [YT] | 33