Patrick McGuire

Im going back to Indiana leaving tomorrow 🙏

9 hours ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Day#53 hopefully some good news today 🙏 at the hospital... but either way hitting the gym early then work tonight 💪

2 days ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Venting... just got off a over 13 hour fucking shift swollen knee back is killing me hate this fucking job have an interview at a hospital wensday but shit im so close to done im sober but its not helping the reality of this un escapeble situation.. the one person I want to talk to is never going to talk to me again... im trying to have hope in general for life but getting out of this shit seems next to impossible im about to take this 90 hour paycheck to the damm casino when I get paid wensday atleast then I have a chance whats the worst that can happen ill end up under a bridge 🌉 shit im already there broke broken down depression but hey atleast im sober to feel the full extent of all this pain 😢 😭 🤣🤣🤣

6 days ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can. I cannot change how people feel or if they forgive me. But there are things I can change such as my dui warrant I have all the paperwork together now and we be filling to dismiss the warrant and motion for a new hearing via zoom even plea deals are available in writing out of state I definitely didn't know any of this but im going to keep pushing forward to mend and fix all relationships I messed up drinking I can no matter what I need to do if im able I will do it. Also having graduated from the treatment center and being employed definitely will help with the courts ruling i hope lol.

1 week ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Long ass week finally off today im going to do something i rarely do today im taking a day off from the gym and giving my body and mind some rest 😴.

1 week ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

With sobriety something im struggling with is the clarity sounds good but it brings noise (what i call it) thoughts now something I've never had before is random positive ones that make me smile that happens usually small stuff too. But what im struggling with is the random negative thoughts almost see why I punished myself with drinking too silence them the im not good enough you should quit nobody loves you your a failure almost suicidal at points not like I would do it but that negative like its trying too push me. And I get stuck in them for periods of time the hardest for me is my ex-wife the why she won't talk to me she never really loved me ect. The silence kills me its just painful and my brain trys to rationalize everything like im sure I deserved it there are things I don't remember that I probably said and would you really want to be with a person that doesn't care if you live or die or if they ever see you again. No I don't but I also think 🤔 maybe she wants to see if im really going to stay sober or ill think she must have a reason for this then my brain will always put a positive reason at the end positive yes but likely not at all. All I do really no is I hope she didn't hurt like I do and I know she probably did at the end she started lieing and the think about that is she is an honest woman I put her in a position where she was afraid to tell me the truth and relzing that sober looking back hurts but its true and I should have never put her in that position see random moments of clarity sucks lol... but one thing I do know is id experience this pain again if I could go back ofcourse I would've got rid of all the bad memories and pain I caused her but on my end ill take all the pain in the world id never give up the perfect memories all the pain ill take it. Im so sorry for everything

1 week ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Update im actually off tomorrow and I will work on posting a video. I have a job interview in a city group home only other plan for tomorrow is the gym and rest. I walk into work with 45 tonight hopefully the thought of the whole shift being overtime will help get me through 😆..

1 week ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Today was a bad day sober doesn't just make things better a 12 hour shift at work past thoughts bad thoughts in general wasn't feeling very good but I don't have anything if I stop its all over there was a very big part of me that almost gave up today god its so hard when your alone. I hope one of my applications comes through I only took this job because it was good money fast but I 💯 never want to work in the food industry again the physical pain the mental stress is so real combined with the drug and alcoholism in the industry its toxic. And in my position right now the littlest mistake misstep everything comes down. And side note my interview with westcare as a case manager got back to my location they where actually going to hire me to a high up position I would have loved but I have to have a year sobriety under my belt first I get it but it really sucks ...

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Happy new year 🎉... 2025 was the hardest year of my life by far i lost my mother lost my wife lost my family shit I lost myself too alcohol and anxiety/depression. In the last few months I have felt pain and loss suicidal thoughts and depression. I lost it all 40 days ago I walked into a homeless crisis center after my first ever truly homeless night under a bridge at the worst location in tampa the things I've seen and dealt with i truly wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. After the night I didn't have 1$ in my pocket I smelled of trash sweat after the worst night of my life I walked into the center with nothing lost and alone in many ways... now 40 days later I feel I haven't done much but when I truly look at that time period in 40 days I got sober off anxiety medication got employed made a few dollars and began to rebuild myself today I paid both my storage units my phone is on I have a gym membership some clothes a bed to sleep in and im working on myself every day do I have alot no but material things don't mean anything to me anymore all I need is to believe everything happens for a reason I really pray to god daily that these lessons are being taught to me for a reason because if I lose that hope I will lose my reason too live and im just trying to make up for my past mistakes everyday... so in 2026 I will continue to push harder its really all I can do. 🤟

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Patrick McGuire

Just left my interview for case manager helping homeless and mentally ill also drug addicted clients only problem is it is the same company of the shelter im currently staying at. But hey my case manager said if your qualified for the interview im qualified to be hired the company usually requires 2 years of sobriety first but hey you never know if nothing else its good practice and I don't care about my situation in life no matter what it is I really enjoy helping others.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0