Eagle Rider

You know fake claimers, I don't need your approval for my Tourette's. It is clinically diagnosed, and I have been dealing with a medical team to diagnose and teach me to stop suppressing to the point of causing myself severe migraines and damage for a LONG time bearing in mind that Tourette's is not a diagnosis you get easily. In fact it takes months and months of time with the medical professionals to verify tics and causes. One thing they don't do is look at you spasming and blurting stuff out and go "oh yeah Tourette's" then stamp it through like nothing.

Between the lightning, and the learning to stop suppressing and stressing my brain, I do tic more now, and they have become more overt, And one of the side effects of allowing myself to tic more, and more obviously, is that A. it is harder to suppress now, a blessing and a curse at times, but it does help me to stop trying to not be me. B. Stopping the constant need to SUPPRESS my tics and tremors, and fearing how people would react, has decreased my migraines and nerve pain by over 90%!!! I have gone from constant migraines almost every day, to one or two days a month with one. This is a HUGE massive improving in the quality of my life. I don't dread almost everyday, and my self harming self hating issues are almost gone now.

I'm not scared to face a new day anymore, I don't hate myself for my shortcomings with my tics & tremors or feeling not good enough. In essence I feel safe in myself, I accept my skin and my shortcoming with a joy and a bounce in my heart, I am not hurting as much anymore and it feels amazing.

There are videos years ago of me talking to friends about unknown weird outbursts, of rocking back and forth screaming fuck over and over in church while literally crying in shame and embarrassment. Whole segments of my life have finally clicked, I now understand getting in trouble as a kid for things I didn't think I had said, hitting when I didn't mean to hit anyone. even having my leg spasm randomly and cause me to trip or get injured. Walking awkward AF into the modern era and my culture online and I found myself struggling with self identity, finding myself just wanting to be swallowed up by the earth many times. Those who were closer to me, would recall me getting off streams and BREAKING backstage, to the point of stuttering and shaking and becoming so disjointed from trying to sound "normal" that I could barely speak at all for anywhere from minutes to hours. It was humiliating. I was afraid for anyone to see the outbursts, I would mask and suppress to the point of illness and I would spent anywhere from days to weeks and even months ALONE closed off in my art room trying to not have ANYONE see the weird things I could not control.

So I scroll back into my mind remembering playing goofy games of repeating and restating things with my husband for a matter of minutes, and being unable to break the loop, and spasming and repeating and blurting things out for over 10 hours after (happened year two of our marriage) and suddenly that makes sense.

So what is the ultimate solution, after years of being afraid and avoiding public places, I now understand more the things I feared, I still struggle bit by bit, but it's getting better, one thing I can promise, I WILL NEVER make myself sick suppressing again. To those struggling with issues like these, you are not alone, you have to be your own self advocate or you won't get the diagnosis and treatment/help you deserve. You deserve better, you deserve love, and that is what I take with this journey, I will never be afraid to tic again. Love me love my tics.

1 month ago | [YT] | 18

Eagle Rider

So after a video of my tourette's tics went up on a big channel I have had to field some nasty comments and "fake claimers."

I gotta admit I am proud of this comment, suck it haters it's all you that is the problem not me.

7 months ago | [YT] | 13

Eagle Rider

Travelling through the reservation in Utah the weather is not so good today

1 year ago | [YT] | 12

Eagle Rider

Starting to wonder what the point is.

For every step forward I am crushed 10 steps back.

I am tired of it

2 years ago | [YT] | 8

Eagle Rider

Which picture I took speaks more.to you all.

1. Was the blood moon september 13th (friday 13th) a few years ago, as the moon rose over custer state park.

2. A cute baby who sat watching me and hubby near my otis eagles.

3. A resting Bison warrior in Custer State Park on Wildlife Loop.

4. Wild Burro in Custer State Park.

5. Spirit the eagle as she speaks, at Raptor Resource Project, Lake Mcbride Iowa.

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2 years ago | [YT] | 13

Eagle Rider

Gonna be posting a lot of soundless videos the next few months. I don't wanna add music over the animal adventures but removing the sound and the noise of the city.

Will be setting these to post daily at noon

2 years ago | [YT] | 6

Eagle Rider

Ever try not to scream when your spouse pushes your buttons?

Hubby not paying attention to me recording ruined my video I was trying to get of an eagle mid take off... Ugh

2 years ago | [YT] | 8

Eagle Rider

I just wanted to send a big shout out to everyone for all the support. I hope you enjoy my videos and I will be posting more animal shorts over the next months.

Love you all

2 years ago | [YT] | 15