I'm sorry for my inactivity and future inactivity. As some of you may know, I've been taking care of my mom for awhile now. There was one thing she'd occasionally say to me over the years, "This isn't how things were supposed to be..." and that's the only thing I can say now.
Around 2021 she had a very bad fall that had fractured multiple vertebrae in her spine. The pain never left her, and it changed how she saw the world without being able to do the things she loved like her work as a registered nurse, horseback riding, spending time out and about with family, and seeing her grandson. She made it work while she was healing, finding things she could do, and enjoying a lot of reality TV. She even managed to go fishing with her grandson earlier this year! (although she was in a lot of pain and was sore for awhile afterwards...)
Around four months ago one of the scariest things happened. She got shingles and started to act different and when she finally made it to the hospital they found out the infection spread to her right eye, brain, and some of her spine. We went through two months of her in and out of the hospital, and while she was home I was giving her an anti-biotic IV injection every 8 hours to make sure she would beat the infection.
Things started to get better (other than her eye which still had a corneal perforation) where she was no longer in an altered state, her back pain wasn't bothering her as much, and we thought the infection was out of her system. We started making plans for the future like moving closer to her oldest son and getting better care for her to start improving even more.
We got the PICC line taken out on September 17th so I no longer had to give her the injections, and the visiting nurse who came to take it out forgot to do her bloodwork (we didn't fully know if the infection was gone or not, also the nurse caused another wound on my moms leg which only made things harder for her). Less than a month later she started acting off again, but she was on a medication that made her very sleepy so I assumed it was that but warned everyone in my family just in case. A day later, I hate myself for waiting a day to see if it was the medication or not, even though she kept telling me no, I called an ambulance on October 5th...
She had an altered mental status and lethargy. She had severe sepsis with septic shock. Over the course of 10 days she needed to be intubated because she couldn't breathe properly and was put on blood pressure support, she developed an acute kidney injury, there was an area around her lung that was building up fluid, her legs and arms and stomach became swollen, she got a fungal infection in her bloodstream, she needed to get several blood transfusions, and right when she started to get a little bit better...
Her kidneys started failing so we approved dialysis support, and within the same day there were holes in her stomach. Me, my two brothers, and my dad were at the hospital as soon as we got the call and were forced to choose between a very invasive high-risk, life-threatening surgery that would even have a risky recovery period or we let her go peacefully.
She's the strongest woman I know and will ever know, but she's been fighting a losing battle for years and we put her and her body through enough with all these machines and surgeries... I held her right hand as they unplugged the machines at 4:00am, her last breath was at 4:13am and her heart stopped at 4:16am. I didn't move for an hour until I knew she was in better place. One of the last voice recordings I found on her phone says, "I'm comfortable as long as I have a roof over my head and my kids around..." We were right there with you mom, don't worry about that, we'll always be right here.
I wasn't that great of a son. I didn't tell her I loved her enough, I didn't hug her enough, and I didn't spend enough time with her even though I lived under the same roof as her. I could have done so much more for her and spent so much more time with her. The only thing I did right was making sure that she wasn't alone throughout this year and had me there when I gave her medication, helped her, fed her, and for her last moments.
But what if she went to the hospital as soon as she got the rash in the beginning? I could have called an ambulance earlier, and maybe she would have had better chances, or maybe she should have stayed in the hospital longer the first few times. Maybe she should have had a better caretaker than me... There's nothing but buts maybes ifs and should haves now, but no matter what, I know for a fact that I love her with all my heart and so did she.
I'll still check my phone to see if she's texted me, I'll still go to her room to see if she needs anything, I'll still think to ask if she's hungry when I'm about to make food, I'll still think that she's going to text me right when I get in bed or fall asleep, I'll still wake up in the middle of the night to check if she needs anything only to be hit with reality. Even if it's too late, I'll go to her room, put on her shows, sit next to her, and talk with her. I'll go on walks like she always wanted to and talk to her. I'll leave my arms open for a hug and tell her I love her like she wanted me to.
Maybe just maybe, she'll be right there with me or be looking down at me. I hope you're not disappointed in me mom. Please don't be mad at me for waiting this long to be the son you needed... I'm sorry...
Please spend time with your loved ones, give them hugs, tell them you love them, and spend time with them. I've seen so many posts like this and I didn't think about it because I thought she'd be here forever, but I should have listened to them... This is the hardest thing I've ever went through and life will never be the same without her.
I love you so much mom. You're in a better place with the rest of the family, animals, and without any more pain and suffering. We'll be okay, don't worry.
Mary, the most amazing and caring mother I could have asked for. 1:15pm November 2nd 1968 - 4:16am October 16th 2026
October 20th 3:05pm Edit: Her ashes just arrived at the house. It's crazy how fast everything goes. She lived for 57 years, she was doing good 3 weeks ago, she passes 4 days ago, and now she's a pile of ashes... I just hope she's comfortable now that she's back home with her kids around. I love you mom
I need some challenge ideas for Roblox Demonology! If you have any, suggest them please and maybe I'll record some videos trying out different challenges!
Although my original end goal was 30 days for the daily streams, I'm going to end it here 'FOR NOW'! 22 days is still impressive for someone like me who would only stream once or twice a month every few months, so I'm already proud of myself for streaming more than the last two to three years combined!
I'm really REALLY thankful for everyone sticking around with someone as boring as me and for enjoying or at least showing up to the streams. I'm grateful to all of you who watched my videos, played on stream, donated, and kept me company in chat to make the streams more yappy and enjoyable <3
The main reason for me ending it early is that I've been burnt out, not having as much fun, and it's starting to feel like a job instead of a hobby (which it is just a hobby) mixed with some other private issues that I'd obviously like to keep private.
Everything is okay, but I think everything will be MUCH better than a simple okay in streams, videos, and my life if I take a week or two off and come back with more energy and a smile on my ugly face!
But, if you know me, then that week or two will probably turn into a month or two and then a year or two, which is why 'FOR NOW' is written like that hahahahaha SEE YOU GUYS SOON! (maybe)
If you guys want to recommend any games you can leave a comment on this! Make sure to like other comments that you'd like to see as well! At some point I'll try to record some of the higher liked comments! *PROBABLY NEVER ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DOING THIS, BUT WHO KNOWS!*
Angelic Ability
I'm sorry for my inactivity and future inactivity. As some of you may know, I've been taking care of my mom for awhile now. There was one thing she'd occasionally say to me over the years, "This isn't how things were supposed to be..." and that's the only thing I can say now.
Around 2021 she had a very bad fall that had fractured multiple vertebrae in her spine. The pain never left her, and it changed how she saw the world without being able to do the things she loved like her work as a registered nurse, horseback riding, spending time out and about with family, and seeing her grandson. She made it work while she was healing, finding things she could do, and enjoying a lot of reality TV. She even managed to go fishing with her grandson earlier this year! (although she was in a lot of pain and was sore for awhile afterwards...)
Around four months ago one of the scariest things happened. She got shingles and started to act different and when she finally made it to the hospital they found out the infection spread to her right eye, brain, and some of her spine. We went through two months of her in and out of the hospital, and while she was home I was giving her an anti-biotic IV injection every 8 hours to make sure she would beat the infection.
Things started to get better (other than her eye which still had a corneal perforation) where she was no longer in an altered state, her back pain wasn't bothering her as much, and we thought the infection was out of her system. We started making plans for the future like moving closer to her oldest son and getting better care for her to start improving even more.
We got the PICC line taken out on September 17th so I no longer had to give her the injections, and the visiting nurse who came to take it out forgot to do her bloodwork (we didn't fully know if the infection was gone or not, also the nurse caused another wound on my moms leg which only made things harder for her). Less than a month later she started acting off again, but she was on a medication that made her very sleepy so I assumed it was that but warned everyone in my family just in case. A day later, I hate myself for waiting a day to see if it was the medication or not, even though she kept telling me no, I called an ambulance on October 5th...
She had an altered mental status and lethargy. She had severe sepsis with septic shock. Over the course of 10 days she needed to be intubated because she couldn't breathe properly and was put on blood pressure support, she developed an acute kidney injury, there was an area around her lung that was building up fluid, her legs and arms and stomach became swollen, she got a fungal infection in her bloodstream, she needed to get several blood transfusions, and right when she started to get a little bit better...
Her kidneys started failing so we approved dialysis support, and within the same day there were holes in her stomach. Me, my two brothers, and my dad were at the hospital as soon as we got the call and were forced to choose between a very invasive high-risk, life-threatening surgery that would even have a risky recovery period or we let her go peacefully.
She's the strongest woman I know and will ever know, but she's been fighting a losing battle for years and we put her and her body through enough with all these machines and surgeries... I held her right hand as they unplugged the machines at 4:00am, her last breath was at 4:13am and her heart stopped at 4:16am. I didn't move for an hour until I knew she was in better place. One of the last voice recordings I found on her phone says, "I'm comfortable as long as I have a roof over my head and my kids around..." We were right there with you mom, don't worry about that, we'll always be right here.
I wasn't that great of a son. I didn't tell her I loved her enough, I didn't hug her enough, and I didn't spend enough time with her even though I lived under the same roof as her. I could have done so much more for her and spent so much more time with her. The only thing I did right was making sure that she wasn't alone throughout this year and had me there when I gave her medication, helped her, fed her, and for her last moments.
But what if she went to the hospital as soon as she got the rash in the beginning? I could have called an ambulance earlier, and maybe she would have had better chances, or maybe she should have stayed in the hospital longer the first few times. Maybe she should have had a better caretaker than me... There's nothing but buts maybes ifs and should haves now, but no matter what, I know for a fact that I love her with all my heart and so did she.
I'll still check my phone to see if she's texted me, I'll still go to her room to see if she needs anything, I'll still think to ask if she's hungry when I'm about to make food, I'll still think that she's going to text me right when I get in bed or fall asleep, I'll still wake up in the middle of the night to check if she needs anything only to be hit with reality. Even if it's too late, I'll go to her room, put on her shows, sit next to her, and talk with her. I'll go on walks like she always wanted to and talk to her. I'll leave my arms open for a hug and tell her I love her like she wanted me to.
Maybe just maybe, she'll be right there with me or be looking down at me. I hope you're not disappointed in me mom. Please don't be mad at me for waiting this long to be the son you needed... I'm sorry...
Please spend time with your loved ones, give them hugs, tell them you love them, and spend time with them. I've seen so many posts like this and I didn't think about it because I thought she'd be here forever, but I should have listened to them... This is the hardest thing I've ever went through and life will never be the same without her.
I love you so much mom. You're in a better place with the rest of the family, animals, and without any more pain and suffering. We'll be okay, don't worry.
Mary, the most amazing and caring mother I could have asked for.
1:15pm November 2nd 1968 - 4:16am October 16th 2026
October 20th 3:05pm Edit: Her ashes just arrived at the house. It's crazy how fast everything goes. She lived for 57 years, she was doing good 3 weeks ago, she passes 4 days ago, and now she's a pile of ashes... I just hope she's comfortable now that she's back home with her kids around. I love you mom
5 days ago (edited) |[YT] | 100
View 28 replies
Angelic Ability
I need some challenge ideas for Roblox Demonology! If you have any, suggest them please and maybe I'll record some videos trying out different challenges!
1 month ago |[YT] | 151
View 104 replies
Angelic Ability
Although my original end goal was 30 days for the daily streams, I'm going to end it here 'FOR NOW'! 22 days is still impressive for someone like me who would only stream once or twice a month every few months, so I'm already proud of myself for streaming more than the last two to three years combined!
I'm really REALLY thankful for everyone sticking around with someone as boring as me and for enjoying or at least showing up to the streams. I'm grateful to all of you who watched my videos, played on stream, donated, and kept me company in chat to make the streams more yappy and enjoyable <3
The main reason for me ending it early is that I've been burnt out, not having as much fun, and it's starting to feel like a job instead of a hobby (which it is just a hobby) mixed with some other private issues that I'd obviously like to keep private.
Everything is okay, but I think everything will be MUCH better than a simple okay in streams, videos, and my life if I take a week or two off and come back with more energy and a smile on my ugly face!
But, if you know me, then that week or two will probably turn into a month or two and then a year or two, which is why 'FOR NOW' is written like that hahahahaha SEE YOU GUYS SOON! (maybe)
2 months ago |[YT] | 34
View 24 replies
Angelic Ability
If you guys want to recommend any games you can leave a comment on this! Make sure to like other comments that you'd like to see as well! At some point I'll try to record some of the higher liked comments! *PROBABLY NEVER ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DOING THIS, BUT WHO KNOWS!*
4 years ago (edited) |[YT] | 103
View 86 replies