Me and my pal @defestivus are gonna be streaming West of Loathing tonight. This is actually Part 3 of our playthrough this far.. but truthfully not a whole lot was missed in the first two parts.. other then some hornswogglin' , moxie, snake oiling, rooting tootin adventurin'.
As is becoming some kind of tradition, I have once again pulled myself out of my busy and hectic hell of a life to write another community post with little to no substance or necessary importance. We love that for me.
Unlike the last time I did one of these, I have actually made an upload "recently". I say this knowing full well that video has since been made private, along with a selection of most of my other uploads. I've pointed out in the past, and I reiterate here, that my normal day to day life is extremely busy. I work a full time job, which leaves any possible time to work on any kind of content pretty much dead in the water.
I've attempted to work against this and upload stuff. I did 2 TF2 videos and a clip dump video with clips from about the last 3-4 years. Those videos are no longer publicly viewable, which I have my reasons for. My legitimate passions in life is graphic design & video work, I point this out because my half-assed attempts at content on this channel are anything but an indication that I do actually have some sort of passion/talent in those things. And while yes, my aforementioned full time job does largely get in the way of being able to bring any sort of "passion fueled quality" to what I've done, I'm also a serious perfectionist and it has caused about a dozen or so different potential uploads to be scrapped and left to rot on a hard-drive.. it's also caused me to snap and rush videos simply to get something done by a made up deadline in my head.
I do this to myself and I entirely take ownership of that fact. Despite what a 4k sub count would tell you, there isn't necessarily a demand for me to make stuff, let alone anything on a schedule. I'm not saying that as some kind of slight against the people that did subscribe to this channel either, I totally get it. I was a bump in the path left by HLVRAI 4 years ago. I never anticipated a handful of shoddily edited together videos of a half life scientist on a skateboard and a compilation that damn near killed my computer would provide any sort of audience or lasting impact. However, when I see that number it makes me feel shitty in my own way that I'm not doing anything to feel like I deserve having people stick around.
So, what's the point of this melodramatic rambling? Well.. to be entirely honest I don't know.
I sound like a broken record, continuing to parrot things I've said in these kinds of posts hundreds of times that I feel like I owe some kind of update and some level of transparency to a 4k subscriber base that keeps growing in spite of my inability to keep a catalog of uploads visible for more than 4 months at a time. But this horrible balancing act of my busy life + my rabid self criticism has not stopped me from keeping some sort of an eye on this channel. Being unhappy with having to rush content aside, I also was never really proud of the videos I did make and that goes for everything, not just videos I have deleted/privated/unlisted. It stemmed from a sort of "throw everything at the wall to see what sticks" methodology because I like TF2, and I've seen people make the funnies with it and I was like "hey I can do that" and tried and burned myself out pretty quick on the game. My clip dump video I did have some sort of pride in the finished product but a combination of lackluster early knowledge of the recording software I used plus forcing myself to work on it after full days/weeks of actual day job work made me sour on it very very quickly, and I also don't feel like it captures what I feel like I want to make. I just sort of did it because it seemed like it would sort of fit in here.
Like I said, I do keep an eye on things around here so I really don't want to completely rule out the possibility that I'll get over myself and "make stuff" with some kind of regularity. But I will point out something if that does come to pass; "almost" everything on this channel will be deleted or unlisted. I say "almost" because my HLVRAI videos will not be deleted, but I think truthfully I do kind of want to move on from them. Nothing against the series or anything, but getting stupid lucky and getting a million views on a video I absolutely could have spent a more efficient and better time working on absolutely fucking kills me. But like I said, these videos will not be permanently deleted, simply unlisted so they can still be shared and watched. Fuck, you wanna download them and reupload them? Go for it I don't care. You can do that now if you want, it doesn't bother me.
I also want to point out too that this is a pretty big maybe.. well not even "pretty" big; the odds are 90 to 10 in favor of "I never do a single thing I said in this post" and that's entirely out of my own hands which maybe is for the better. But I did want to give an honest and transparent look at things and some kind of notice that one day those videos will be "gone".. maybe that's the wrong word.. we'll go with archived. That sound better? I think it does.
Anyway, if you did take the time to read this totally unsolicited look inside my brain that reads like a tumblr post from 2013 then I appreciate that. I thank you for being a subscriber if you are, despite how I feel about myself there is still a part of me that thinks it's really cool that people stuck around.
Ok, that it's for now. brush your teeth, do your homework, stay in school. see ya around - cosmic
Raine
Woah! Hey There!
Me and my pal @defestivus are gonna be streaming West of Loathing tonight. This is actually Part 3 of our playthrough this far.. but truthfully not a whole lot was missed in the first two parts.. other then some hornswogglin' , moxie, snake oiling, rooting tootin adventurin'.
So don't miss it this time:
Tonight at 8pm EST over on www.twitch.tv/defestivus
1 year ago (edited) | [YT] | 6
View 0 replies
Raine
Hello, long time no see.
As is becoming some kind of tradition, I have once again pulled myself out of my busy and hectic hell of a life to write another community post with little to no substance or necessary importance. We love that for me.
Unlike the last time I did one of these, I have actually made an upload "recently". I say this knowing full well that video has since been made private, along with a selection of most of my other uploads. I've pointed out in the past, and I reiterate here, that my normal day to day life is extremely busy. I work a full time job, which leaves any possible time to work on any kind of content pretty much dead in the water.
I've attempted to work against this and upload stuff. I did 2 TF2 videos and a clip dump video with clips from about the last 3-4 years. Those videos are no longer publicly viewable, which I have my reasons for. My legitimate passions in life is graphic design & video work, I point this out because my half-assed attempts at content on this channel are anything but an indication that I do actually have some sort of passion/talent in those things. And while yes, my aforementioned full time job does largely get in the way of being able to bring any sort of "passion fueled quality" to what I've done, I'm also a serious perfectionist and it has caused about a dozen or so different potential uploads to be scrapped and left to rot on a hard-drive.. it's also caused me to snap and rush videos simply to get something done by a made up deadline in my head.
I do this to myself and I entirely take ownership of that fact. Despite what a 4k sub count would tell you, there isn't necessarily a demand for me to make stuff, let alone anything on a schedule. I'm not saying that as some kind of slight against the people that did subscribe to this channel either, I totally get it. I was a bump in the path left by HLVRAI 4 years ago. I never anticipated a handful of shoddily edited together videos of a half life scientist on a skateboard and a compilation that damn near killed my computer would provide any sort of audience or lasting impact. However, when I see that number it makes me feel shitty in my own way that I'm not doing anything to feel like I deserve having people stick around.
So, what's the point of this melodramatic rambling? Well.. to be entirely honest I don't know.
I sound like a broken record, continuing to parrot things I've said in these kinds of posts hundreds of times that I feel like I owe some kind of update and some level of transparency to a 4k subscriber base that keeps growing in spite of my inability to keep a catalog of uploads visible for more than 4 months at a time. But this horrible balancing act of my busy life + my rabid self criticism has not stopped me from keeping some sort of an eye on this channel. Being unhappy with having to rush content aside, I also was never really proud of the videos I did make and that goes for everything, not just videos I have deleted/privated/unlisted. It stemmed from a sort of "throw everything at the wall to see what sticks" methodology because I like TF2, and I've seen people make the funnies with it and I was like "hey I can do that" and tried and burned myself out pretty quick on the game. My clip dump video I did have some sort of pride in the finished product but a combination of lackluster early knowledge of the recording software I used plus forcing myself to work on it after full days/weeks of actual day job work made me sour on it very very quickly, and I also don't feel like it captures what I feel like I want to make. I just sort of did it because it seemed like it would sort of fit in here.
Like I said, I do keep an eye on things around here so I really don't want to completely rule out the possibility that I'll get over myself and "make stuff" with some kind of regularity. But I will point out something if that does come to pass; "almost" everything on this channel will be deleted or unlisted. I say "almost" because my HLVRAI videos will not be deleted, but I think truthfully I do kind of want to move on from them. Nothing against the series or anything, but getting stupid lucky and getting a million views on a video I absolutely could have spent a more efficient and better time working on absolutely fucking kills me. But like I said, these videos will not be permanently deleted, simply unlisted so they can still be shared and watched. Fuck, you wanna download them and reupload them? Go for it I don't care. You can do that now if you want, it doesn't bother me.
I also want to point out too that this is a pretty big maybe.. well not even "pretty" big; the odds are 90 to 10 in favor of "I never do a single thing I said in this post" and that's entirely out of my own hands which maybe is for the better. But I did want to give an honest and transparent look at things and some kind of notice that one day those videos will be "gone".. maybe that's the wrong word.. we'll go with archived. That sound better? I think it does.
Anyway, if you did take the time to read this totally unsolicited look inside my brain that reads like a tumblr post from 2013 then I appreciate that. I thank you for being a subscriber if you are, despite how I feel about myself there is still a part of me that thinks it's really cool that people stuck around.
Ok, that it's for now.
brush your teeth, do your homework, stay in school. see ya around
- cosmic
1 year ago | [YT] | 8
View 4 replies