LemonFox18

Um so I kinda sorta spent almost an hour making my previous post just for me to not be able to read the entire thing so I'm going to delete and remake it and I'll try my best for it to be shorter this time. If you somehow read it I applaud you for it, it's actually crazy. Just letting the people who read it know why it's going to disappear into the oblivion. Ok, do you guys consider me a friend, a good friend, someone you want to know better, or someone that drives you crazy? Be honest please, I really want to know how much you can tolerate me. I'm sick and am finally awake and am really bored right now cause I have nothing to comment on (chronically online problems), so I'm seeing if maybe this post won't drive me insane like the last one did. I am planning to make another video at some point and it's going to be similar to my last one because people apparently really liked it.

I think I should buy some Walmart radioactive shrimp and see what happens guys. I'm sure everything will go completely right and I won't end up in the hospital or something. (It's a joke, I'm not that crazy 😭.)

6 hours ago (edited) | [YT] | 3

LemonFox18

I'm finally home for the weekend hooray! Today was amazing and was so awful at the same time! This is going to be an incredibly lengthy and potentially triggering rant so do be warned


I left my phone at home which is really bad for me because I don't have anyone to talk to at school so I rely on my phone to keep me company. I felt a bit anxious about it but successfully got through my first class!

I then went to my second class and told my teacher I didn't have my phone because she asked me where it was. Everything was going well until the teacher said partner up with the people near you and I didn't have anyone near me due to reasons that I couldn't control so I had a normal panic attack once again. I actually started feeling restless and started fidgeting a lot which is unlike me who sits still and doesn't really move around and my teacher noticed it. We talked about it and she gave me some girls to work with on Monday and told them about my anxiety to which they were extremely understanding, so I'm really hoping I can potentially be a friend!

I thought everything was good but boy was I horribly wrong. I started experiencing self hatred thoughts and everything that had happened earlier had got to me. I started feeling restless again and had to go to the restroom to calm down. Once I returned, things got SO much worse. I suddenly started hyperventilating and was struggling to breathe and my heart started beating really fast and everything got unbearably loud. I started convincing myself I was possessed or dying and started crying cause I was so terrified.

I luckily calmed down once I got to my third class but this was the worst anxiety attack I have ever had and hope to never experience it again. I'm still trying to calm down as I'm really shaken up from the whole experience.

At least something good did happen though! I'm incredibly grateful for everyone who was so kind and understanding of me today!

I hope this wasn't triggering in any sort of way by the way! I'm so sorry if it was!

1 day ago (edited) | [YT] | 3

LemonFox18

A good friend of mine told me it was ok if I wanted to post this so I will. I literally cannot keep this in until 3:00 p.m. tomorrow. I can't type this in school either cause people get really close to my phone and it's really awkward. It's so weird to me despite the fact my channel is literally doing the best it's ever done, I somehow don't feel any emotions about it? Honestly I'm just trying to survive atp because today sucked. I would rather not explain why (unless you have Insta because it would be private on there), but it hasn't been a good day. My parents have started noticing I'm struggling and I don't like it. I'm supposed to be the one that has everything all together but I don't. I struggle focusing now and just want to sleep all day. I don't enjoy eating as much anymore and hobbies I've previously enjoyed have started feeling like a chore. I feel like I've hurt and upset literally everybody for no reason at all and I don't even know why. I don't feel proud of myself. I often feel like the comments everyone leaves on here are fake and I'm secretly hated. I really hope I'm not going into depression but maybe I am and I would rather deny it. I wish I felt something positive for once. I have brief moments of happiness but they quickly disappear. Maybe I'm just broken honestly. I can't even hide how I'm feeling anymore. It's so blatantly obvious at this point. Everyone knows I'm not doing well. My family knows and I wish nobody knew. It's so hard to pretend to be happy and positive when you just want to sleep all day and hate pretty much everything except for people. No, I'm currently not feeling $u!c!d&1. Hopefully not anytime soon if I can get proper help. I'm going to try to talk to someone soon about it and hope they can actually be of some sort of help.

3 days ago | [YT] | 4

LemonFox18

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOEY!!!!!

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FRIEND! I appreciate you so freaking flipping much, you genuinely have no idea just how much you mean to me! You’re among the kindest and most thoughtful and supportive people I’ve ever met! I enjoy talking to you so much! Thank you for everything, really! Words cannot describe how blessed I am to have you in my life! I hope you have an incredible birthday! 🫶🏻

Enjoy the gift hehehe! I told you I wouldn’t forget and would make you something! :)

3 days ago | [YT] | 4

LemonFox18

No way I'm at 47 subs again! I'm going to post something tomorrow and then maybe hopefully not post for the rest of the week unless I somehow get 50 subscribers. Thank you to all 47 of you! I really want to make higher quality videos in the near future and maybe even use my voice once I become an adult! (No promises on the second one though!)

I know my last video may have not done the best but I'm honestly ok with it! It's part of being a YouTuber after all! I honestly enjoy ranting and yapping on my community tab more as I really enjoy talking!

I know I've been posting daily lately but there are people who post like every hour a day so at least I only post once I guess! I don't know how many people actually see or read my posts but I'm grateful for those of you who take the time to read, like, and even comment on my useless random posts and videos! I genuinely enjoy supporting and talking to people, especially those I'm subscribed to! (Which is a lot of people btw!)

Sometimes I feel like I can be a little bit annoying but I really hope I'm not! I don't talk much irl with the exception of my family so this is basically a place where I can get all of my random thoughts and ideas out hopefully without judgement! I'm getting out of my comfort zone both irl and on here and have started talking more to several people on here as well as starting to talk to my peers irl, which is huge!

I'm really proud of myself and how far I've come since starting my first channel at 14! I may not have much time for my socials anymore but I try to be as active as I can once I return home from school or wherever I happen to be!

Special thanks btw to every single one of my 50 something buddies! Every single one of my buddies mean a lot to me, even if we don't speak much!

If I could turn off comments on community posts I would just to avoid getting tiring but it is what it is! I'm thankful for those who do listen to me and that's all that matters! Feel free to ignore this honestly, just wanted to say thank you and go on a random rant haha!

4 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 6

LemonFox18

I would appreciate shares first of all as I want as many people as possible to see this post. However, this is completely optional, but still appreciated!

I want to talk about the drama with my sister. I know this might be serious but in this time right now she has told me she needs this.

First of all, I was to say that yes, she did do something bad. But don't we all do bad things? They just usually aren't public! The community unsubscribing and unbuddying her for just being human was really wrong. It hurt her so much to the point she felt worse. She legitimately feels really sorry and has apologized countless times. I would like for you all to forgive her and treat her, me, and everyone else with kindness. I don't want anyone attacking anybody. She was really depressed at that time and made a poor choice which she deeply regrets. We all do bad things. We all make mistakes. It's important to forgive others for said mistakes. She's upset with the mass unsubscribing. It would hurt you too, wouldn't it? She's changed for the better and it would mean the world to me if you guys would give her another chance. Just know if she acts out she isn't doing the best and hopefully we can get her some help. Please be kind to everybody. You never know what someone might be going through.

6 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 3

LemonFox18

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on my previous post! You guys genuinely mean so much to me! I'm so lucky to know you all! I'm still debating whether I should delete the post or not but just know your words meant a ton to me regardless! I'm going to rant about quite a few random things because I just want to get everything out in one day XD.


First of all, I've noticed some discrimination against Christians and anyone who leans more Conservative in the Animal Jam community these past few months (mostly on Instagram lol.) I want to say anyone regardless of their political views are welcome on here. As a Christian I'm supposed to love all people!

Secondly, I've been noticing that I'm much more open with all of my disabilities and mental health struggles. (Yes, I have quite a few. I've been suspecting I have dyscalculia for a while since I have all of the symptoms, but I'm just diagnosed with a "math learning disability." Like I just want the name lol.) I've been trying my best to talk to others when they ask questions about autism specifically as I've had some people ask about my experience and what some terms mean. It's mostly been on Instagram but I'm glad I can help others. I'm always happy to answer any kind of question on anything really although I'm best at answering questions on my interests (I have a lot of interests trust me), so questions are always welcome here anytime, especially regarding autism and art as I know the most about those XD.


I'm also becoming more open and accepting of my personality on here. I actually really love giving compliments and joking around in real life. I also talk a ton to anyone I feel comfortable around in real life so if I try to talk to you a lot it's because I think you're cool and I enjoy your company!


I'm going to be taking more driving lessons sometime hopefully soon which is really exciting! I'm also enjoying my three day weekend! Also, how is it nearly Autumn already?! It feels like I just got out of school!


It's also nearly NICU Awareness Month! I was a NICU baby myself at only 1 pound 1 ounce at birth! (I wish I was joking but I'm being dead serious.) It's so important to recognize these people who save lives! I'm so grateful for them as I wouldn't be here otherwise!


Most of today was good actually! I did get two left shoes instead of a left and a right shoe so that was nice. My mental health still sucks. I low-key don't think it's going to get better anytime soon unless I actually make a friend or something. Ngl I see myself posting daily for a while so feel free to unsubscribe if that annoys you! I'll try my best to be more positive from now on, even if I don't feel happy at the moment! Also, if you ever see me on AJ feel free to say something if you want to! I get really lonely on there and get scared to talk to my buds but I really love talking to y'all, especially the people I have featured on my channel page! I kind of want to gift people as well! I have some wishlist items for some people hehehe. I also can't wait for NOTP! THERE'S A PORTAL IN CRYSTALISS AND RANDOM PHANTOM GLOOP! IS JUNO GOING TO FINALLY COME?! (Yes I like Animal Jam lore lol.) I'm really hoping for a kitsune as the next mythical creature!

Ok, that's the end of my day's worth of rants. This should hopefully be enough for a few days. I do often have quite a lot on my mind, whether it's negative or positive. Thank you guys so much once again for all of the support! Bye!

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 4

LemonFox18

I promised an end of the week update even though I would rather not post right now but I can't stop going crazy so here it is. I just want to leave my school. That's it. I want to be me again and my loneliness has made me go crazy and feel like I have to constantly post and spam my Instagram story or else I will yeah. I should probably leave it I think I miss the people who were kind to me in middle school. I just want to see and talk to them again. They didn't care that I was weird. They took the time to get to know me and respected my interests and even gave me birthday gifts and were really supportive of me. I can't stop thinking about them and I want to cry. I've been targeted in high school and people just stare at me when I smile at them or try to be kind to them. I've told my parents about how I feel but nothing's been done so I might have to ask again cause I don't want to live like this. I hate the constant crying and awful thoughts. I hate the spam posting and constant anxiety attacks I get every hour except for when I sleep. Sometimes I think I'm being attacked by the devil even though it's obviously just my stupid brain. I'm literally not happy. I don't usually feel happy but just say I am and act like I am because I feel like hiding it even though my sister already knows. Can't wait to feel really good this weekend then break down again on Tuesday. I'm incapable of taking a break right now as well. Trust me, I've tried. I'm having these awful racing thoughts. Maybe if I was normal I would be happy. I just want to be normal like I should've been. If only I wasn't born 4 months early XD.

1 week ago | [YT] | 6

LemonFox18

Just attended ‪@Kittenlove133‬’s Jambassador event! I had so much fun! I ended up winning a Wishing Coin from her shop game! Ty for hosting Kitten! And ty for joining me Vennican! I had lots of fun with you!

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1 week ago | [YT] | 4

LemonFox18

I love how I just have random good days and then go through a period of self hatred and interesting thoughts to say the least. I doubt anyone outside of my family cares about me at this point. I try to hide my struggles but it only makes me feel worse. I want to be a big cool YouTuber like everyone else but I’m not growing and it’s really hard on me. How did everyone else grow omg. I hate that I can't talk to anyone outside of family both in AJ and IRL. I lowkey don’t feel like I belong here anyways and haven’t for years, how lovely. I love not feeling like I belong here yippie. Ok bye now. I low-key hate venting but I'm usually miserable now and have lost pretty much all of my motivation to draw so that happened.

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 3