𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 💗

if i get banned tomorrow thank you guys for all youtube has done for me. i love you all so much my channel has changed my life in so many different ways i can’t explain. i met some of the most amazing people on this platform i love yall so so much okay? thank yall for everything.

2 months ago | [YT] | 25

𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 💗

guys i love chris my sweet boy, my baby, i’m literally him and no one can convince me otherwise. i love him so much.

2 months ago | [YT] | 22

𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 💗

happy 10 months my sweet angel baby i love you more than anyone and anything in this entire world. you are the love of my life and the light of my life. you are the reason i keep going and you deserve the world for that, beautiful. i love you so much my beautiful gorgeous angel girl. you are so precious and special to me my princess. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. you are the only one that matches my energy. no matter what you go through baby i understand you and will always be here. i love and hope you spend the rest of my life with you. i seriously do plan on marrying you my baby. you are everything and more to me and if i ever lost you i’d go insane. i’ll kill whoever hurts you my love. you deserve it all. take my heart and do what you will with it. your attitude, your beauty, your confidence, your face, your gracefulness, your heart, your intelligence, your joy, your kindness, your love, your mind, your name, your opinions, your passion, your quality’s, your respect, your strength, your talent, your understanding, your values and voice, your words, your everything my love, is so perfect in each and every way. you will always be the noah to my eli and the matt to my chris. i love you so much my amazing wife. happy 10 months baby. @lyla

3 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 30

𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 💗

lyla is the noah to my eli

3 months ago | [YT] | 26

𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 💗

why couldn’t i save you…?

we were supposed to celebrate christmas together on call. we were supposed to call all day talking. we were so excited. you were so excited. we were supposed to show all our presents. we were supposed to have so much fun. now im sitting here praying your still alive somewhere. now im crying because the only present i want is to have you back. every 11:11 i wish for you to come back. i was supposed to call you…and you were supposed to pick up. sending voicemails like you’ll get them. texting you daily…like you’ll see it. the last thing i said to you was supposed to be i love you. not a stupid joke. i just wanna call anyone who knew you. part of me wishes that i sent you my location that day instead of laughing it off because we were joking. part of me wishes that your cousin was lying. and you are alive. you could lie and fake your death 1,000 times and i wouldn’t care. as long as i could have you back. you could physically stab me and I wouldn’t care. as long as i knew you were alive. you could burn my house down and i wouldn’t care. as long as you’re not burning yourself. i wanna call your family company to ask if your okay. i might. i miss you. i need you back. there were so many that loved you. why did you go. you knew I couldn’t do it without you. you knew. i know I shouldn’t blame myself but i do. every second of every day. i always think about you. and what life would be like if you were still here. i always think about you. im laughing, i stop. im texting someone, i stop. i stop and just think how much i miss you. no need to learn how to cry on command anymore. i just need to think of you and i’ll start crying. it’s like no one’s death i’ve ever had to go through before. this is different. this hurts more. a different kind of pain. a pain that is more painful than a ton of bricks being thrown at your head. this is pain. this is real pain. this is the worst pain i’ve experienced and i don’t think i needed to experience it. why did you have to go. i see you in everything. horses, cookie dough, sunsets, matt sturniolo, sam and colby. you would’ve been so sad knowing what’s happening with sam and colby right now. that’s why it makes me cry way more than i should be. it’s not just that friendship breaking apart…it’s like you. like part of you is being torn away from me piece by piece. in the most slow and painful way possible. i wanna keep as much of you as i can. i dont ever want you to be a distant memory. your death is tearing me apart. now that you’re not here, part of me is gone. and yes, my world did end the night of november 13th. it stopped spinning that night. you know…i thought this would be a lot less painful. but i loved you so much. why does it hurt so bad emi…emi make it stop…make it go away like you always did. you always made it better…you could always help me…help me…make it stop!…im slowly going insane without you. barely being held to together by the glue. the only people saving me are lyla…steph…peyton…and ari. ari…? yeah. ari. you know her. you know…yeah. shes my best friend. we share your death. she misses you. she needs you. you know lyla…? yeah. I wouldn’t be with her if it weren’t for you. you convinced me to ask her out…because i would talk about her…non-stop. you know that sunset photo you sent me. it’s my lock screen. i take photos of the sunset every night. their gorgeous. I look at them knowing your up there. thank you. thank you for painting the sky’s pretty for me my love. merry christmas. your first christmas in heaven. fly high angel. love you always ems.


forever 14. 🕊️

9 months ago | [YT] | 54