Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today was one of those motherhood days that starts off feeling productive and hopeful and then slowly turns into emotional whiplash once the kids get involved.

I felt good this morning. I was getting things done. I felt like I was showing up for myself. And then school pickup happened and my whole mood shifted.

Samaria tested my patience today in such a simple but triggering way. I asked her not to give her gum out, and that’s exactly what she did. It wasn’t even about the gum it was about feeling unheard. It’s hard parenting a teen because I don’t know if she’s being defiant, distracted, or just being a teenager but it still hits my nervous system the same. I want her to listen. I want her to care about what I say. I want to feel like my words matter.

And then there was Jonathan, whew. That situation pushed me all the way to my edge. The disrespect, the running off, the cussing, the hitting my car, all of it stirred up anger, fear, embarrassment, and my deepest protective instincts all at once. I had to fight the urge to react emotionally and instead respond from a place of strength.

It was one of those moments where I realized parenting isn’t about controlling your kids, it’s about controlling yourself while they’re losing theirs.
I stayed firm. I held the boundary. I didn’t chase. I didn’t explode. I didn’t give in. And that was hard. But when he finally came back and apologized sincerely, I saw that the lesson landed, not just for him, but for me too.

I’m proud of how I handled today. Not because I was perfect, but because I stayed present. I stayed grounded. I stayed loving and firm at the same time.
Motherhood is stretching me in ways nothing else ever has. It’s teaching me patience, restraint, courage, and emotional regulation, all while I’m still healing and learning myself.

Today didn’t defeat me.
It strengthened me.
It reminded me that I am growing alongside my children, not just raising them.
And that’s the kind of mother I’m becoming 🤍

1 day ago | [YT] | 5

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨What a day.

This morning I really did not want to get up. My body was tired and my mind wanted rest, but something deeper in me knew I needed to stay committed. So I chose discipline over comfort and showed up anyway. Even with all the technical issues trying to discourage me, I pushed through. I reminded myself that resistance often shows up right before growth, and I wasn’t going to let frustration steal what I’ve been building.

After my energy drink, I felt renewed, like I was given just enough strength for what the day required. But then motherhood met me right where I was.

Picking up my kids shifted my mood quickly. I was triggered by fear, by feeling unheard, and by the deep desire to protect. I asked Samaria not to accept food from others, and when she did anyway, it hurt deeper than the surface. Not because of the candy, but because it made me feel unseen, disrespected, and disconnected. I know in my heart she isn’t trying to hurt me. She’s a teen. She’s learning. She’s human. And so am I.

Today showed me how much I’m still learning about communication, patience, and softening instead of tightening when I feel afraid. I don’t want to be so strict that I push her away, but I also don’t want to abandon my role as her protector. I’m learning to hold both.

Motherhood humbles me. It stretches me. It exposes the places in me that still need healing. Sometimes I look at my little four-year-old and feel overwhelmed by what’s ahead, not because I don’t love him, but because I see how much responsibility my heart carries. I cannot do this alone, and I’m learning to allow support instead of resisting it.

Today reminded me that emotions rise, but they also pass. That triggers are teachers. That frustration is an invitation to go deeper within myself and ask, what still needs healing?

So tonight I release the weight of this day. I forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed. I forgive my children for being children. I thank this day for showing me what still needs love inside of me. I am healing. I am learning. I am discovering me — gently, imperfectly, and with growing awareness.

2 days ago | [YT] | 5

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨ Today was a very productive day, and I am proud of myself. Even when my body wanted to climb back into bed this afternoon and rest until the kids got out of school, I chose to stay committed to what I said I would do. That alone feels like growth. It reminds me that I am learning how to show up for myself, even when it would be easier not to.

I am so grateful that God has allowed me to build a community that feels like family. My social media family has truly grown on me, and I love spending time with them. It doesn’t feel like work, it feels aligned. It feels purposeful. It feels like something I was meant to do in this season of my life.

I am thankful for the love, support, and connection that flows through this space. I am grateful that we uplift one another, encourage one another, and walk alongside each other through healing, growth, and self-discovery. I don’t take that lightly.

I pray that this community continues to grow in love, peace, and authenticity. I pray that the environment stays gentle, safe, and positive. And I pray that as I continue to heal and discover myself, I am also helping others feel seen, supported, and less alone.

Today I feel thankful, grounded, and hopeful and I trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be on this journey 🤍

3 days ago | [YT] | 4

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today I had to be honest with myself about where I am in this season of life. My children need so much of me right now that there simply isn’t space for a romantic relationship and that’s okay. Sometimes I feel the desire for companionship, but when I sit with it, I realize I am not emotionally ready yet. My mind and heart are still healing. There is still trauma within me that needs compassion, patience, and time.

My children are also healing in their own ways. They are learning to feel safe again. They are learning stability, trust, and emotional regulation. Bringing a man into our lives right now would shift that energy and could take us backward instead of forward. I see clearly now that protection sometimes looks like not adding anything new, but instead honoring what is already here.

I’ve noticed a pattern within myself, when I enter relationships before I’m ready, I lose focus. I drift away from my goals, my grounding, and my purpose. The kids feel that shift too, and they respond in ways that reflect the imbalance. It becomes overwhelming for all of us.

Right now, we are stable. We are safe. We are healing. And that is sacred.

So I choose to stay present in this season. I choose to nurture my own growth, to tend to my wounds with gentleness, and to rediscover who I am becoming. I trust that love will meet me when I am whole enough to receive it without losing myself.

For now, it’s just me, healing, growing, and building a peaceful foundation for myself and my children. And that feels aligned.

4 days ago | [YT] | 3

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨I am so grateful that I made it through today. I was exhausted, but I still showed up, and I am proud of myself for that. Being consistent with my social media schedule hasn’t been easy, but I honored my commitment anyway. That alone feels like growth.

I’m becoming more aware of myself. I notice that when something feels like an obligation, I resist it, but when I choose it freely, I actually enjoy it and often give more of myself to it. I think my spirit is naturally free, and it doesn’t like to feel confined or forced. Yet I also understand that structure is part of building the life and platform I desire. I’m learning how to balance my free spirit with discipline, and that feels like a sacred lesson.

Change is uncomfortable for me and for my followers. Not everyone likes the new structure, and that can feel heavy on my heart. Still, I’m grateful for those who are patient and understanding as I grow. I wish I could grow without limitations. I wish I didn’t have to restrict access or place financial boundaries around something that feels like my soul’s work. I wish I could simply pour love into the world and be supported abundantly in return. Maybe that dream isn’t as far-fetched as it feels, maybe it’s just ahead of me.

This season is challenging, but it is meaningful. I am planting seeds, even when I’m tired. I am showing up even when it would be easier not to. I am building something with intention, heart, and integrity.

I trust that what I am creating will grow into something beautiful , a space filled with healing, connection, and community. I trust that the right people will find me, stay with me, and feel like family. And I trust that as I continue to choose consistency, courage, and compassion, I am also choosing alignment with the life I am meant to live 🤍

5 days ago | [YT] | 3

Healing & Discovering Me

Today my heart feels full of gratitude. I am so thankful for my social media family and the way they continue to support me as I grow and expand across different platforms. Their encouragement reminds me that I am not walking this journey alone.

I finally have a schedule, and surprisingly, it feels like freedom. It lifts the weight off my shoulders and brings peace to my mind. I no longer feel scattered or unsure, I feel guided, aligned, and purposeful. With this structure, I feel ready to truly commit to inspiring and motivating others in a meaningful way.

Even though part of me feels like I should be farther along by now, I trust that God has been preparing me all along. Every delay was shaping me, strengthening me, and getting me ready for what is ahead. I can see now that nothing was wasted.

I truly believe this is my season of elevation. A season of healing. A season of becoming. I choose dedication. I choose consistency. I choose growth. And most of all, I choose to continue discovering who I am while walking in alignment with the purpose placed on my life.

I am grateful. I am ready. I am becoming. ✨

6 days ago | [YT] | 3

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨ Today I didn’t feel like getting up. I tried to convince myself to stay in bed, to find reasons to rest instead of rise, but something in me wouldn’t allow it. So I got up anyway. I was tired and draggy throughout the day, yet I kept pushing myself forward. I know now that growth requires consistency. I can’t keep starting and stopping, moving only when I feel like it. I have to be dedicated to what I’ve been called to do.

What keeps me going is the reason I started in the first place, my love for inspiration and motivation. My desire has always been to uplift and encourage humanity. That has been my passion since I started TTIMS in 2007. Sometimes I think about how far I might be if I had stayed consistent back then, but I try not to dwell on that. Maybe that was just a vision shown to me before I was ready to carry it. I don’t think I had the wisdom or the emotional strength at that time to handle what I’m being prepared for now.
I am wiser now. I am healing. I am learning who I truly am beneath the pain, the pressure, and the responsibilities. And as I heal, I believe my vision will come into existence in its proper time. I’m realizing that I must help myself before I can fully and properly help anyone else.

Today was Jonathan’s IEP meeting and it went okay. I don’t love that the assessment could take up to 60 days, but I’m grateful they are willing to accommodate his needs in the meantime. Tonight after I got off Live, Samaria shared her day with me and I could feel how much she’s growing. I want to make sure she is supported and evaluated properly too, so she can thrive when she steps into her independence.
It’s hard to imagine my children living in this world on their own someday, yet I’m hopeful they will be able to without me constantly worrying about them.

Motherhood is far more demanding than I ever imagined. It stretches me in ways nothing else does. It’s sacred work. And it’s not for the weak.
So tonight I ask for strength, patience, and discernment as my children and I continue this journey of healing, growth, and discovery together.

1 week ago | [YT] | 5

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journey Entry✨Wow… what a day. It actually started off really well. I woke up on time, went Live on TikTok, got the kids off to school while Live on YouTube, and came back home feeling accomplished. I made a conscious choice not to do Life & Mental Guidance this morning and instead adjust my schedule so I can show up more present, more rested, and more whole. I’m realizing that after the kids leave, all the tension drains out of my body and my spirit just wants quiet.
This year I’m choosing peace. Real peace. Not just surviving, not just pushing through, but being intentional about what brings calm into my life. That means creating a schedule that supports my well-being, not drains it. I know I’m still figuring it out, but I trust I will find a rhythm that feels aligned and sustainable.

Then I got the call from Jonathan’s school, he had thrown up and needed to be picked up. In moments like that, I truly don’t know how single parents manage, especially with children who have extra needs. I am so deeply grateful for the community that supports me, even when they don’t realize how much they do.

Poor Jonathan was okay at first, but once the car started moving, the sickness hit him again. Gagging, chills, tears, my heart hurt for him. I realized later it was probably food poisoning, and between the chaos and the caregiving, I was praying my way through every minute.

Then came… the poop saga 😂
One child sick. One child urgently needing the bathroom. One mop bucket sacrifice. One misunderstanding about pee versus poop. And then another diaper disaster. Today was truly a poopy day.

But somehow, even in the middle of it, I stayed calm. I handled it. I didn’t fall apart. I still showed up. I still loved my kids through it. I still went Live later. And that reminds me how much I’ve grown.

This season of my life is about juggling healing, motherhood, purpose, and self-discovery all at once. It isn’t easy. Some days feel overwhelming. But I can feel myself becoming stronger, more patient, and more aware of what I need.

So today, I choose gratitude over frustration. I choose peace over perfection. I choose growth over guilt.

God, give me strength for this journey.
Give me clarity for my path.
Give me patience for my children and myself.
And give me peace in the middle of my becoming.

2026 is my year of gratitude.
2026 is my year of peace.

And I trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be. 🌿✨

1 week ago | [YT] | 5

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today is Jonathan’s evaluation, and I am truly grateful. I am hopeful that we will finally receive the answers we need so that we can get him the support and guidance he deserves. He is such a sweet boy. He longs for hugs, connection, and closeness with me and yet I notice how my body still tenses around him, how anxiety rises in me without warning. I know this comes from all we have been through together. The trauma, the fear, the constant survival mode has left its mark on me.

I want to be honest with myself. Sometimes his presence triggers things in me that I don’t fully understand yet. I don’t want to react out of fear or defensiveness, but sometimes his impulsive behavior catches me off guard and my walls go up before my heart can respond. I don’t want to live behind those walls anymore.

I want to be intentional about loving my son well. I want to build a relationship with him rooted in safety, trust, and openness. I want to be the mother he feels safe coming to, the one he can talk to about anything without fear of judgment or rejection. I want to reflect back to him the love he so freely tries to give me. I do love him, and I want my actions to show that love even more than my words.

I don’t ever want Jonathan to feel like a burden. I want him to know, deep in his spirit, that he is a blessing to me. I want to feel again what I felt when I fought for him before I had him. The fierce love, the hope, the joy I carried when I visited him in foster care and dreamed of the life we would have together. I want that excitement to return. I want that tenderness to grow again.

I want to break every generational curse hovering over him and over me. I want to raise him into a respectful, honorable, grounded man. I want healing for what is wounded in both of us so that our bond can be restored, strengthened, and protected. I desire a bond between a mother and her son that cannot be broken, one that grows deeper as we heal, learn, and discover one another again.

I trust that healing is possible. I trust that love can be rebuilt. And I trust that this journey is guiding us toward peace, connection, and wholeness. 🤍

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 10

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨I am deeply grateful to have arrived in 2026 both physically and mentally. Last year was overwhelming busy, heavy, and at times I felt like I was losing myself. Yet I made it through, stronger and more aware than before.

This year I choose gratitude and peace. I choose to move with intention instead of pressure. I carry visions and dreams within me, and I trust that in time they will unfold naturally. My responsibility is to remain consistent, present, and open, even on the days when my energy is low or my emotions feel heavy.

I am learning not to let anxiety or depression define my path. When I feel tired, I allow myself rest. When I feel overwhelmed, I slow down. I understand now that rest is not weakness, it is restoration. Peace is something I must actively protect, not something I wait to find.

I see now that when I move too fast or take on too much, I create imbalance in my own life. So this year I choose to pace myself. I will build on what I already know, honor what I have already learned, and live with the awareness that growth comes from applying wisdom, not just gaining it.

I step into this year with openness instead of fear. With trust instead of worry. With hope instead of doubt. I am excited to see what this year brings, and I welcome whatever unfolds as part of my growth, healing, and becoming. ✨🌿

1 week ago | [YT] | 8