Healing & Discovering Me

Give yourself and others grace. We all trying to figure out the thing called Life.

3 days ago | [YT] | 3

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today I felt a deep frustration rise in me. It hurts when someone says they will show up and then doesn’t, and instead of communicating, they choose avoidance. That silence can feel louder than words, and it weighs heavy on my spirit. I’ve reached a place where I no longer want to chase clarity or beg for consistency. I’ve been hoping, maybe even praying that maturity, responsibility, and shared effort would finally meet me halfway.

But I’m realizing that some actions aren’t rooted in love at all. They come from obligation, from fear of how things will look, not from a genuine desire to carry the weight together. That isn’t the kind of love God places in my heart. What I thought was a shared commitment bound by love turned out to be conditional, and my spirit refuses to live on conditions anymore.

So today, I release the need to reach out, to ask, to remind, or to carry someone else’s responsibility. I place this situation in the God’s hands and trust that He sees what I’ve carried silently. I know now that I am capable, strengthened, and covered. I don’t need to prove anything or beg for effort.

As I heal and discover who I am, I trust God to guide my steps and protect what belongs to me and mine. We will be just fine. I am choosing peace, growth, and the kind of love that flows freely without conditions.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 7

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨This week I’ve felt so tired and drained, not from doing too much, but from carrying so much mentally. My mind feels heavy, like it’s been running a marathon even when my body hasn’t moved much. I also realized one of the medications I was on may have been contributing to the exhaustion, which helped me understand why Samaria has been feeling so sleepy too. Making the decision to change her medication reminded me how important it is to listen to the signs and trust my intuition when something doesn’t feel right.

Right now, all I truly want is to be mentally and physically healthy so I can give my full energy to the things I love. Some days I wake up feeling motivated, clear, and on top of everything. Then the very next day, I feel completely drained, barely wanting to move or think. It makes me wonder how I can stay consistent when my energy comes in waves like this.

Still, I’m deeply grateful for my social media family. Their patience, love, and understanding have carried me through some of my darkest moments. Because of them, I find the strength to keep showing up, even on days when depression tries to convince me to not to.

I know I’ve come a long way, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Healing isn’t linear, and growth takes time, dedication, and compassion with myself. Right now, my biggest priority is to heal, to continue to discover who I am, and to honor this season of becoming. Everything else will align when I do.

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 5

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today felt heavy. One of those days where my body and spirit didn’t want to rise, where staying in bed felt safer than facing the world. I showed up a little,spent some time on TikTok, but even that felt muted, like I was present without being fully there. Still, I’m grateful for my online family who sits with me even when I have nothing to offer but my quiet vulnerability.

There’s a deep sadness resting on me today. It doesn’t come from one single thought, but from a season that carries too many memories. This time of year holds both love and loss. Birthdays that should be filled with joy are wrapped in grief. My uncle’s passing at the end of January. Jonathan’s birthday in early February, followed by the memory of losing him at such a young age. My sister’s passing in April. These dates live in my body whether I invite them in or not.

I try to push the thoughts away, but I can feel the heaviness creeping in, the familiar shadows of sorrow, the whispers of hopelessness. I see my children and my heart tightens. I think about the world they are growing up in, the struggles they may face, and I silently wish I could shield them from every kind of pain, especially the kind that changes you forever.

Today reminded me that healing is not finished, that grief moves in waves, not straight lines. I am trying to pull myself back toward the light, even if all I can do is hope that tomorrow feels softer than today. This day showed me where I still hurt, and maybe that awareness itself is part of the healing.

For now, I rest. I breathe. I allow myself to feel without judgment. And I trust that brighter moments will return, even if they take their time.

1 month ago | [YT] | 7

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry ✨This weekend has honestly been refreshing. Not a ton of stress, just a calmer rhythm than usual. The kids have been in their own little bubbles, and for the most part it’s been peaceful. That is until they all decide my room is the hangout spot at the same time. It gets loud fast, and when I’m already overstimulated, especially if I’m trying to be on social media, I feel my patience slipping. I love that they want to be close to me, that they feel safest right next to me, but when everyone wants my attention at once, it can feel overwhelming. Mom life really is a balance between soaking in the love and needing a moment to breathe.

I’m still trying to understand the tension between Jonathan and Samaria. It hurts my heart watching the way he talks to her sometimes. She can’t even speak or look his way without him making a comment or trying to tear her down. I can’t help but wonder if it’s tied to old hurt, jealousy, or things that never got talked through. When I ask him about it, he shrugs it off and says she’s just annoying, but I know there’s more under the surface. I’m learning that I can’t force healing, only keep showing up, listening, and holding space while we work through it one day at a time.

On a brighter note, I’m feeling hopeful about getting organized. My sister Nana surprised me with the Sky Calendar, and it honestly feels like a fresh start. Tomorrow I’m going to sit down, map out my schedule, my to-do lists, and get my thoughts in order. Being organized feels like survival and self-care right now. Less chaos, less stress, and more room to focus on healing and discovering me.✨

1 month ago | [YT] | 6

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today was one of those motherhood days that starts off feeling productive and hopeful and then slowly turns into emotional whiplash once the kids get involved.

I felt good this morning. I was getting things done. I felt like I was showing up for myself. And then school pickup happened and my whole mood shifted.

Samaria tested my patience today in such a simple but triggering way. I asked her not to give her gum out, and that’s exactly what she did. It wasn’t even about the gum it was about feeling unheard. It’s hard parenting a teen because I don’t know if she’s being defiant, distracted, or just being a teenager but it still hits my nervous system the same. I want her to listen. I want her to care about what I say. I want to feel like my words matter.

And then there was Jonathan, whew. That situation pushed me all the way to my edge. The disrespect, the running off, the cussing, the hitting my car, all of it stirred up anger, fear, embarrassment, and my deepest protective instincts all at once. I had to fight the urge to react emotionally and instead respond from a place of strength.

It was one of those moments where I realized parenting isn’t about controlling your kids, it’s about controlling yourself while they’re losing theirs.
I stayed firm. I held the boundary. I didn’t chase. I didn’t explode. I didn’t give in. And that was hard. But when he finally came back and apologized sincerely, I saw that the lesson landed, not just for him, but for me too.

I’m proud of how I handled today. Not because I was perfect, but because I stayed present. I stayed grounded. I stayed loving and firm at the same time.
Motherhood is stretching me in ways nothing else ever has. It’s teaching me patience, restraint, courage, and emotional regulation, all while I’m still healing and learning myself.

Today didn’t defeat me.
It strengthened me.
It reminded me that I am growing alongside my children, not just raising them.
And that’s the kind of mother I’m becoming 🤍

1 month ago | [YT] | 6

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨What a day.

This morning I really did not want to get up. My body was tired and my mind wanted rest, but something deeper in me knew I needed to stay committed. So I chose discipline over comfort and showed up anyway. Even with all the technical issues trying to discourage me, I pushed through. I reminded myself that resistance often shows up right before growth, and I wasn’t going to let frustration steal what I’ve been building.

After my energy drink, I felt renewed, like I was given just enough strength for what the day required. But then motherhood met me right where I was.

Picking up my kids shifted my mood quickly. I was triggered by fear, by feeling unheard, and by the deep desire to protect. I asked Samaria not to accept food from others, and when she did anyway, it hurt deeper than the surface. Not because of the candy, but because it made me feel unseen, disrespected, and disconnected. I know in my heart she isn’t trying to hurt me. She’s a teen. She’s learning. She’s human. And so am I.

Today showed me how much I’m still learning about communication, patience, and softening instead of tightening when I feel afraid. I don’t want to be so strict that I push her away, but I also don’t want to abandon my role as her protector. I’m learning to hold both.

Motherhood humbles me. It stretches me. It exposes the places in me that still need healing. Sometimes I look at my little four-year-old and feel overwhelmed by what’s ahead, not because I don’t love him, but because I see how much responsibility my heart carries. I cannot do this alone, and I’m learning to allow support instead of resisting it.

Today reminded me that emotions rise, but they also pass. That triggers are teachers. That frustration is an invitation to go deeper within myself and ask, what still needs healing?

So tonight I release the weight of this day. I forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed. I forgive my children for being children. I thank this day for showing me what still needs love inside of me. I am healing. I am learning. I am discovering me — gently, imperfectly, and with growing awareness.

1 month ago | [YT] | 6

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨ Today was a very productive day, and I am proud of myself. Even when my body wanted to climb back into bed this afternoon and rest until the kids got out of school, I chose to stay committed to what I said I would do. That alone feels like growth. It reminds me that I am learning how to show up for myself, even when it would be easier not to.

I am so grateful that God has allowed me to build a community that feels like family. My social media family has truly grown on me, and I love spending time with them. It doesn’t feel like work, it feels aligned. It feels purposeful. It feels like something I was meant to do in this season of my life.

I am thankful for the love, support, and connection that flows through this space. I am grateful that we uplift one another, encourage one another, and walk alongside each other through healing, growth, and self-discovery. I don’t take that lightly.

I pray that this community continues to grow in love, peace, and authenticity. I pray that the environment stays gentle, safe, and positive. And I pray that as I continue to heal and discover myself, I am also helping others feel seen, supported, and less alone.

Today I feel thankful, grounded, and hopeful and I trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be on this journey 🤍

1 month ago | [YT] | 5

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨Today I had to be honest with myself about where I am in this season of life. My children need so much of me right now that there simply isn’t space for a romantic relationship and that’s okay. Sometimes I feel the desire for companionship, but when I sit with it, I realize I am not emotionally ready yet. My mind and heart are still healing. There is still trauma within me that needs compassion, patience, and time.

My children are also healing in their own ways. They are learning to feel safe again. They are learning stability, trust, and emotional regulation. Bringing a man into our lives right now would shift that energy and could take us backward instead of forward. I see clearly now that protection sometimes looks like not adding anything new, but instead honoring what is already here.

I’ve noticed a pattern within myself, when I enter relationships before I’m ready, I lose focus. I drift away from my goals, my grounding, and my purpose. The kids feel that shift too, and they respond in ways that reflect the imbalance. It becomes overwhelming for all of us.

Right now, we are stable. We are safe. We are healing. And that is sacred.

So I choose to stay present in this season. I choose to nurture my own growth, to tend to my wounds with gentleness, and to rediscover who I am becoming. I trust that love will meet me when I am whole enough to receive it without losing myself.

For now, it’s just me, healing, growing, and building a peaceful foundation for myself and my children. And that feels aligned.

1 month ago | [YT] | 6

Healing & Discovering Me

✨Journal Entry✨I am so grateful that I made it through today. I was exhausted, but I still showed up, and I am proud of myself for that. Being consistent with my social media schedule hasn’t been easy, but I honored my commitment anyway. That alone feels like growth.

I’m becoming more aware of myself. I notice that when something feels like an obligation, I resist it, but when I choose it freely, I actually enjoy it and often give more of myself to it. I think my spirit is naturally free, and it doesn’t like to feel confined or forced. Yet I also understand that structure is part of building the life and platform I desire. I’m learning how to balance my free spirit with discipline, and that feels like a sacred lesson.

Change is uncomfortable for me and for my followers. Not everyone likes the new structure, and that can feel heavy on my heart. Still, I’m grateful for those who are patient and understanding as I grow. I wish I could grow without limitations. I wish I didn’t have to restrict access or place financial boundaries around something that feels like my soul’s work. I wish I could simply pour love into the world and be supported abundantly in return. Maybe that dream isn’t as far-fetched as it feels, maybe it’s just ahead of me.

This season is challenging, but it is meaningful. I am planting seeds, even when I’m tired. I am showing up even when it would be easier not to. I am building something with intention, heart, and integrity.

I trust that what I am creating will grow into something beautiful , a space filled with healing, connection, and community. I trust that the right people will find me, stay with me, and feel like family. And I trust that as I continue to choose consistency, courage, and compassion, I am also choosing alignment with the life I am meant to live 🤍

1 month ago | [YT] | 4