DrawingWiffWaffles

Hey! Just wanted to say I'm okay! Keep hitting some discouraging road blocks and haven't posted in a couple weeks! Nothing serious tho! I'm currently working on a video but it won't be ready in time for tomorrow unfortunately, next week tho! It was a 7 day art challenge that I think you're really gonna like! I hope everyone is doing well! ttys

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 16,461

DrawingWiffWaffles

Eep! I wasn't able to get my video done this week. I've still got a few hours of footage to sift through. I think you'll enjoy it, it involves craft felt and Middle Earth. 😏😏
I underestimated how much time is required to be prepared to stand up in a wedding. (had to do a little last-minute dress altering myself, that was terrifying) and of course helping out the bride! All exciting things tho! I just didn't have as much time as I needed. Thanks for understanding and I'll get r' done soon! Love ya! HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!

2 months ago | [YT] | 19,316

DrawingWiffWaffles

Heyah! I didn't commit to a posting schedule yet, but since I posted the last two Saturdays in a row, I realized I may have given you the impression that was my schedule (esp since it was my old schedule). Just wanted to pop in here and let you know there isn't a video today. Thank you for all the support! I'm still working my way through the comments. 🤯 I appreciate you more than you know and I'm so grateful to get to know you better through your stories and struggles. The battles you have survived is really inspiring. I feel so loved and I hope you know how loved you are. Take care! ttys

3 months ago | [YT] | 29,190

DrawingWiffWaffles

Um wow! I am blown away by your response to that quick post on instagram on Thursday. Thank you!!! Wanted to let you know I'm working on something that's been a month in the works. You'll understand why when you see it. *Talk* to you soon. 😉

3 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 29,105

DrawingWiffWaffles

Thank you so much for all the support.

I've tried to post to let you know I was ok, but I never finished the draft before another wave of difficulties would flood me to my core. (I honestly wasn't sure how to say/what to say in a way that carried respect for both you and me) Each ‘fall’ shook my belief that I'd ever be OK again. The pattern became so chaotic that I began to feel shameful and unable to even think about you all without painful anxiety rising up for the way I hadn’t posted. As time went by that guilt just grew.

Last year, I had some very harsh side-effects to the medication I was taking on top of dealing with the flare-up of my disease. We discovered I didn’t have any other options but to continue taking the medication that was on one side keeping me alive (allowing me to physically begin to recover) and on the other: inducing a psychosis doctors/therapists couldn’t stop (and trust me, we tried everything in every reasonable avenue). I simply had to complete the treatment which lasted several months and allow my body to heal before I could wean off the medication; which literally made me crazy and pushed away friends that simply didn’t know what was going on with me. The process of lowering this medication took months in itself(which turned out to be even harsher on me in every way). Afterwhich, I then had to continue retraining my brain to have healthier thought patterns, now that the noise in my head wasn’t as controlling, and actively seek out doctors and professionals who could actually help me and not settle with ones that couldn’t. After the intense pain of my disease, I’m really not sure whether physical or mental pain is more consuming they both take you out of the moment and into yourself, but I’m left with the realization whichever harsh pain you are dealing with at the moment will always be the most painful. My heart goes out to each and every one of you and what you are dealing with. I know it’s hard. You will be ok. The thought that kept me going even when I couldn’t even think straight was “well, you don’t know what this day one year from now will look like.” The truth is: you don’t. So you can’t give up on your future self, regardless of how impossible it seems or what odds are stacked against you, or how trapped you are right now. I’m a small proof of that. A year later, I see beauty in my persistence and am incredibly thankful for that girl who didn’t give up even if she felt like she did every night.

The reality is, I'm beginning to get better consistently with the help of doctors and beautiful people, along with a determination to hear them and follow their advice. I'm realizing I can't let not having the ‘perfect update’ stop me from reaching out and letting you know I'm okay and I'm gonna be okay. This I know for a fact. I'm extremely grateful for you, your support, you reaching out when I've been unable to even sit in a chair at my computer. I appreciate every prayer. If I could have done something more, I hope you understand, I would have. ❤️

I really wanted to give you all an update of triumph, but I don't have one. (And I suppose that would have been my ego) All I can say is I've fought hard every day to get to this point, (sometimes fighting hard is taking a nap, in case you needed to hear that) and done the best I could, I can't imagine my life without this last year. I'm really not the same person I was. I watched my most recent video and I was filled with such compassion seeing the attempt at normalcy knowing what was really happening then and what ‘she’ still had yet to endure. I wasn't even able to draw a thing for the next 8 months.

I'm taking care of myself. I pray you are all taking care of yourself too. This is my call to you, not to wait till you hit rock bottom physically or mentally to make one good choice each day for YOU. Focus on the goals that really matter: building a firm foundation in self-love and charity, that can carry you through the worst storm. The storm is still here, but I'm not shaken like I used to be. Which is strange, because I feel I have a freedom now that I never had before this all happened. A freedom from things I didn’t realize I was subjected to. I’ve lost a lot, but I’ve gained a peace I will be forever grateful for. Such as the ability to rest and heal without guilt or shame.

I suppose the truth of it is: this experience has forced me to learn to either love myself or give up. Loving yourself is incredibly simple yet so incredibly hard if you don’t know how and its taken me a year to get where I am. Loving yourself allows you to surround yourself with people who love you too (actually love you, not the person you think you have to be to be loved). Learning to love myself allows me to love others for who they are. Which is how I can say with confidence that you deserve love exactly as you are, right now. If you don’t find it around you, start loving yourself first, and it will attract the right people. Show yourself how you deserve to be treated. You are infinitely loved. It's crazy how difficult it can be for some of us to act like it. It took everything that happened to me this year to pursue it like my life depended on it, and it did. So for that reason, I can look on this year and be grateful even if I never want to go through it again. Nor would I wish it on anyone. I really wish there was some way I could bring the gift I’ve received from this experience to at least one other person without them having to endure the pain I did and thats where I've been focusing most of my time the last few months.

Well, clearly I’ve never lost the ability to talk endlessly and waffle on. Lol I hope to give you more information one day soon, but I think you should hear it from me, not just read it. I’m gonna keep fighting, promise me you will too.

Again, thank you. ❤️✝️ God bless.

1 year ago (edited) | [YT] | 50,011

DrawingWiffWaffles

I'd like to wish everyone a very happy new year! I hope 2023 blesses you with health and joy!!! 🥳❤️

No video, FYI. I'm having a really hard time finding a rhythm with meds changing every other week. Miss you guys! I do have a video in the works that I'm excited about tho! Just wasn't able to get it up this week.

2 years ago | [YT] | 15,209

DrawingWiffWaffles

Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃
Extra grateful to be waking up in my own bed this morning. We discovered Monday, the medication I've been taking for my active vasculitis isn't working well enough so I spent the last few days in the hospital getting more tests and trying some more aggressive treatments. I'm spent but hopeful. A lot of things up in the air right now. ❤️ Thank you for the support and patience! I'm extremely grateful for you.


Other note:
I did film a video last week before this, but I have no idea when I'll have it ready. I just wanna mention that, cuz when I do post it, it might seem sorta out of context that everything is fine. So no video this weekend, but one is basically ready (thanks Becca for help editing it!) once I'm up to sitting at my computer again. Love you!

2 years ago (edited) | [YT] | 15,856

DrawingWiffWaffles

NO VIDEO THIS WEEK.

I have some bad news. I got confirmation last week in an MRI that I have officially relapsed and am no longer in remission. And while I could feel myself slowing down for the last few months because of it, the hardcore medications I'm on now are proving to be an even tougher battle for me. I'm honestly not sure what this means for my channel going forward in the immediate future. I'm not doing very well right now. Some days just the sun shining into my room feels like the greatest blessing in the world.

Art has always been incredibly important to me to cope through my illnesses, but right now I don't even have the energy for that. With each relapse, I can see the greater toll it takes on my body. I appreciate your patience. Draw a little something extra today for me. 💜 Thank you for your support and prayers. I have a long road ahead.

Rin

2 years ago | [YT] | 25,402

DrawingWiffWaffles

Wanted to send an update out. I'm back home. Thank you for the kind words, prayers, and encouragement. I'm still in contact with doctors to work towards full recovery.

There was a typo that might have caused excess concern in my previous post, I meant "if I get out of here soon". Not "if I get out of here" (at all). I reread that. That did sound grim. I apologize. ❤️ you're wonderful and I appreciate the extra pep-talks that specific line brought. I honestly needed to hear that and I didn't realize it.

Happy Saturday, Drawing Buddies!
💜

3 years ago | [YT] | 19,567

DrawingWiffWaffles

Hey all. Sadly I've been in the hospital since Monday so there will not be a video this weekend. I'm having a rough time and if I get out of here, I plan on sleeping a lot... undisturbed.

I wanna thank you for supporting my channel and offering me the opportunity and flexibility of doing YouTube. I'm seriously so grateful for the support I've had for so many years. You're all wonderful. Hope you have a beautiful weekend.
💜
Rinnie

3 years ago | [YT] | 31,453