J ☀️ - Invidious

substack @tallgirlbigthoughts

for the girls 🌸

Self | Mind | Life | Truth

‘your new life is gonna cost you your old one.’

we’ve all heard it before in one way or another, and the truth is that will look different for everyone.

for me, it looked like letting go of the things that I knew couldn’t come with me in the next era of life.

and that, that was fcking hard.

I got rid of nearly everything I own, down to where all of my belongings could probably fit into 3-5 boxes.

but there were still pieces I felt attached to, even though I knew they couldn’t come with me.

when I was 18, I started str!pping to make money for college the following fall. I thought that’s all it would be, little did I know that decision would change the trajectory of my entire adult life.

I got lost in substance abu$e, s3x trafficking, pro$titution, and so much more. I lost myself.

now I am 25, and after years of begging for it to be over, I left. no p!mp saved me, no boyfriend saved me, I saved me.

the hardest things to get rid of when I began purging my belongings? my work heels and my favorite outfit. so they were the perfect things to create a ceremony with and release with love.

because although I don’t advocate for the industry, it got me through so many chapters. it helped me help myself in times where I had no other way. I am who I am because of it.

I don’t look at those times with shame or disgrace anymore. I hold a deep level of gratitude and reverence for all that lead me to becoming the woman I am today and continually evolving into deeper expansion.

I don’t believe in the whole ‘new year’ hype, but it did feel like a symbolic time to hold a burn ceremony and release what can’t come with me anymore.

to the woman I used to be, I’m so sorry for all the hate and shame I’ve given you. thank you for all that you did to protect me and take care of me the best way you knew how. I send you the love and respect that you never got. I couldn’t be me without you. I love you. thank you. we got this. on we go, I promise to make you proud.

#healing