cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Here is my part of the New York Magazine article that dropped today (along with Lee, Sam, Noodles, and a couple others). I think I scared the journalist. 😈😂 nymag.com/intelligencer/article/diagnosed-narcissi…

One of the strangest, most shockingly honest products of this pipeline is Sara Crouson, who makes content under the moniker “Cluster B Milkshake.” Crouson’s journey to self-awareness began several years ago. She was writing letters to an imprisoned serial killer. “He killed people, cut their calf meat off, cooked it, and sold it to people,” she tells me. She’d always suspected that there was something different about her — that there was an emptiness inside her that allowed her to deceive others easily — and she hoped that by corresponding with a very obviously disturbed person, she might come to understand herself better. Crouson was married at the time and flirting with numerous men online out of sheer boredom. She wasn’t interested in any of them but enjoyed the power trip of stringing them along. Was her small-scale manipulation somehow analogous to calf meat selling? she wondered.
She never found out. She says, “I told my sister and my gay best friend — who are both pussies, by the way — who I was writing to, and they were like, ‘Noooooooo! Stop it!’ So I stopped.” Then she discovered Vaknin. Soon, everything started to click. Like Hammock, she joined a Facebook group, received a diagnosis, then started her platform. She says she was initially motivated by “Fame. Fame, fame, fame.” She was jealous when she saw other narcissists profiting from their condition. But then, through chatting with some of her new narcissistic followers, she gradually started to accrue other rewards. She began feeling shame for the first time.
It was a mixed blessing. “I used to push my feelings into a black hole inside of me,” she says, “and they would just disappear. If somebody tried to make me feel like shit, I just made them feel like shit. It was a perfect system.” Now, she sits with her feelings and processes them. She takes walks and tries to prevent emotions like guilt and shame from turning into rage.
Crouson often speaks in a slightly unsettling baby voice, which makes sense because she believes that her NPD began as a defense mechanism in her unstable childhood — she needed to numb herself to survive. It’s outdated now, but she can’t quite shake it. “We’re just toddlers inside,” she says of narcissists. “We’re just little kids throwing tantrums. Would you get offended if a little girl screamed and threw her doll at you? Or would you just ignore her and let her run off to her room?”
The stigma against narcissists, she says, is severe. “They think we’re black-eyed demons — vampires, descending with our rubber wings to suck their blood.” On her channel, she’s doing her best to provide a different image.
I ask Crouson what her relationship with her viewers is like and whether having an audience has impacted her NPD. “It’s simple,” she tells me in the baby voice. “I read books about narcissism and make videos. And you better fucking watch them … and fucking like … and fucking subscribe … and” — transitioning out of baby voice, she turns deadly serious — “shut the fuck up.”

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 112

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Just For Fun but still....TRIGGER WARNING for the easily offended. 🤡

I think we should change the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder into 2 categories. Even though the actual diagnosis has both Grandiose and Vulnerable components, let's just make them totally separate like the social media gurus and only focus on overt behaviors.....but with a twist.

Grandiose Narcissistic Traits will now be called JUST BEING MEN (Entitled to be an A**hole).
Vulnerable Narcissistic Traits will now be called JUST BEING WOMEN (Entitled to be a Victim).
Side Note: These are the traits each gender gives the other on Social Media. Not my fault.

Here's the twist. If a MAN is showing Vulnerable Narcissistic traits, he can NOW be labeled a narcissist or borderline (Entitled to be a victim). And if a WOMAN is showing grandiose narcissistic traits, she can NOW be labeled a narcissist or psychopath (Entitled to be an a**hole).

#Narcissist #Everywhere
Namaste 🌈

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 56

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

I want to talk about journaling, or how I journal. Let me know if you relate or if you know someone who journals in the same way.

For a long time I have journaled as if someone else was going to read it. It made me journal how I want to be perceived instead of my true feelings about myself and others. And I believed it.

In a true crime novel about a narcissistic/psychopathic woman/mother, she would journal how she saw herself through her false self's eyes. She would also write love letters to her fantasy relationship (he was married and trauma bonded to her) but did not send them because he went back to his wife (found by the cops later). I have also read letters (journal like) by another Cluster B to her children that she never sent, but gave them to her kids when they grew up. It was so bizarre, scripted. I also had a Cluster B partner ask me if I wanted to read his journal (after we got back together for a minute). I said no because I felt the journal was BS, written just for me. The theme? "I don't need you". I'll pass.

It took me a long time to actually write what I was really thinking and feeling. I figured I could toss them in the trash if I ever got into a new relationship. That shit dies with me. 😉

Namaste 🌈
#narcissist

1 month ago | [YT] | 64

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Is this fraud? I am NOT aware of this event and this is not even my email address! I did an interview with this channel a couple years ago and that’s all. Afterwards they stole some videos and acted like they were helping me out. But this is BS. So I turned them into YouTube for copyright infringement for the videos they stole (but they still get to use pieces of others). If there’s ever a Zoom event, I would be doing it myself!!! I would never give my CONTROL away to another person unless they worked in demonic HOLLYWOOD! 🖕🏻👿

3 months ago | [YT] | 58

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Someone with both Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be complex, intense, and often misunderstood. The overlap can create a uniquely volatile psychological profile, but also one that—when understood and approached with compassion—can transform into deep insight and resilience.

Here’s how the combination often shows up, keeping in mind that people are individuals, not walking diagnoses:

⸻

🔥 Emotional Landscape: Turbulent, but Controlled… Until It’s Not
• BPD: Emotions are intense and rapidly shifting, with deep fear of abandonment.
• ASPD: Emotions are blunted or suppressed, often rationalized or manipulated for survival or gain.

Together: The person may feel emotions intensely but also suppress or weaponize them. They might alternate between emotional outbursts and calculated coldness. They could feel too much, then shut it off like a switch. There’s often deep inner chaos hidden under a controlled exterior.

⸻

🧠 Interpersonal Style: Push-Pull Meets Predatory Precision
• BPD: Craves closeness but fears rejection, leading to clinginess or splitting (idealizing then devaluing).
• ASPD: Sees others as tools or threats; manipulation and charm are often used to maintain control.

Together: This person might love-bomb you, then ghost you—not out of confusion, but strategy. They may mirror others intensely to form connections, only to later use those insights to gain leverage or distance. Relationships feel like war zones where connection and control are both goals.

⸻

🚨 Impulsivity & Risk-Taking: Reckless with a Mission
• BPD: Impulsive behaviors (spending, sex, substance abuse) often stem from emotional distress.
• ASPD: Impulsivity is thrill-seeking, rule-breaking, or opportunistic.

Together: Expect high-risk behaviors that serve both emotional relief and personal gain—like robbing a bank after a breakup, then blaming the system. There’s usually a story to justify every fire they light.

⸻

🧩 Self-Image: Fragmented but Masked
• BPD: Unstable sense of self, swings between extremes (“I’m nothing” vs “I’m everything”).
• ASPD: Inflated or indifferent self-image; may not care how others see them unless it benefits them.

Together: The person might feel like a hollow shell inside, covering it with grandiosity or faux confidence. They might act like they don’t care, but they do—deeply—just not in the ways you’d expect. Validation may be craved and rejected in the same breath.

⸻

😈 Conscience and Morality: A Complicated Code
• BPD: Often experiences guilt or shame intensely, even for small things.
• ASPD: Lack of remorse or empathy, especially if it doesn’t serve them.

Together: They may feel guilt about how they hurt you, not that they did. There might be moments of regret—but often short-lived, intellectualized, or overshadowed by survival needs or rage. Moral codes are fluid and self-serving, but emotional undercurrents can still provoke internal conflict.

⸻

🌪️ In a Relationship:

Imagine falling in love with a hurricane that cries while it destroys your house—then convinces you it’s your fault the roof blew off. That’s what being with someone with co-occurring ASPD and BPD can feel like—for them and for others.

They may:
• Want to be saved but sabotage every attempt.
• Punish you for not reading their mind while refusing to admit they want your help.
• Flip between seductive vulnerability and terrifying detachment.

Aren’t all these different combinations fun? 🎉 #NotANarcissist #bpd #aspd

3 months ago | [YT] | 47

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Since those of us who have gone through childhood trauma and ended up with personality disorders, we tend to see our original caregivers in a negative light. I was reading a book this evening that reminded me that we are not all good or all bad. So I took out my little notebook and made a column for my mom and dad and wrote all the positive qualities and behaviors that I have see or experienced from them. In remembering, it made me feel lighter and kind of sad that I wasted much of my life not focusing on the good.

Namaste 🐔🌈

3 months ago | [YT] | 118

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

This is a good description of the inner conflict of people with NPD. #narcissist

3 months ago | [YT] | 15

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Well, look at that! Now I just have to get famous so I can afford treatment to be "born again"! Lol

3 months ago | [YT] | 15

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

The video I posted, "A Narcissist's Opinion About You Is Law", is another form of gaslighting. We all judge people and events everyday. Some are intentional and some come into our minds as passing thoughts. When in comes to our relationships, you have to remember a few things to protect yourself from the effects of being told by others "who you are".

Notice if you are idealizing your partner, relationship with friends, family, or coworkers. When we idealize someone we want them to think good about us. This opens the door into believing in their criticisms of us, trying to change FOR THEM so they'll accept you (into their cult of one), and second guessing your own unique beliefs about yourself or clown world.

There are several conscious and unconscious behaviors used to get you comply to the gaslighter's way of thinking; criticisms, their black and white thinking of you and the world, mind reading-telling you what you think and feel, and telling you how others perceive you. To defend each others egos, you can both participate in justifiable blame shifting. Unfortunately, this solves nothing and builds a huge mountain of resentments, fear, hate, and anger.

If you want to learn how to combat the different levels of gaslighting, I suggest you read "The Gaslight Effect" by Dr. Robin Stern. After reading this book I realized that I did many things listed without understanding the effects it had on my people/children (I couldn't care w/o empathy), my own insecurities I was protecting, and the combative anger by having to be right all the time. I also saw these things happening to me throughout my life and why I thought it was normal behavior. Several great take aways; learning about ourselves, why we do these things or accept these behaviors over time, and how to correct it.

We can't forgive what we don't understand. Hate keeps you stuck in HELL, repeating the same patterns and blaming everyone else for our own unconscious projections. Do you want peace or do you want to fight dragons your whole life? Let me tell you a little secret....the dragon is you.

Namaste 🌈🐔

3 months ago | [YT] | 67