cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

I think I've been in a collapse for a few years now bc I have been going against my nature (with help of being nurtured) and natural way of living life. Hear me out bc I'm losing my mind.

I'm watching people everyday lie, cheat, and steal without justice falling upon them. Those that take advantage of others are the ones that swim in overflowing cups of attention, admiration, and worship. I envy them.

I study almost everyday on this disorder and figure out how to help myself and others. I hope you are getting something out of it bc I'm not getting anything life altering to better my mental health. I just feel like a caged animal while SV boosts about being a shitty human being. Side note: Other self aware narcissists and myself KNOW that he is only speaking of himself while taking us all down with him. I've even watched Kanika Batra being interviewed, laughing with their host about her evil deeds that she doesn't care to stop. It makes me envy who I used to be.

Self awareness, reflection, and boundaries doesn't get me better relationships either. Believe me, these men mirror their healing journey along with me in the beginning. Lol What a karmic joke. They were lucky I would leave without projecting all my blood soaked trauma onto them (one thanked me for not doing so). 

Relationships fill a need for both parties. Destruction of that relationship is self annihilation. And it doesn't feel comfortable walking away without giving the command to push the red button.

#narcissist

1 week ago | [YT] | 98

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

I found Mr. Chicken a wig!!! 🎉Now we both can rock the fakeness! 🤣

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 88

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

Check out the interview I was able to participate in with Dr. Mark Ettonsohn, Dr. David Hawkins, and Darren F. Mcgee! 🎉 We talk all things about the disorder and I offer my own experience as a person diagnosed with NPD. #narcissist

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 7

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

When I drink I think of my father. I cry. He would kill anything (male) that physically harmed my sister and myself but he wouldn’t save us from emotional, psychological, and physical abuse from mommy. Why? Because he could compartmentalize his “give a fuck” from his freedom. Freedom to drink, do drugs, and watch porn 24/7. He only spanked me once. I said a bad word. I know he loved us in the only way he knew how.

I don’t have daddy issues. He was an introvert like me. Dismissive avoidant. Porn addict; I don’t care. It’s a movie. Drinks. Yep, medicine. Drugs to calm the demons.

I have mommy issues. She hates me. She uses me when she doesn’t have anybody else. I know. Even a narcissistic psychopath will accept breadcrumbs of fake BS. I don’t know why.

I miss my boyfriend. He didn’t do shit for me. He is my father and my mother. He hates me even though I worked so hard to be perfect. I’m not a victim, I’m just sad.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 84

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

❤️

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 6

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/ep-3-the-storyteller…

This is your beloved Sam Vaknin and what he did to a young woman who came to him for help.

This is the companion podcast to the documentary: The Narcissist’s Playbook.

#narcissist #psychopath #bpd

1 month ago | [YT] | 19

cLuStEr B MiLkShAkE

I put up my diagnostic assessment paperwork on Instagram if anyone would like to read the 9 pages posted. YouTube only lets me post 5 pics so I couldn’t load them up here. 🙂🎉🐔 #narcissist #aspd #psychopathy

2 months ago | [YT] | 32