ThatsRagtimeJazz

Натан ml. Can’t wait to see you Sunday. And we’re gonna talk abt why you ignore me in the hallways and then act like my bestie on the weekends. Or maybe you also think I’m ignoring you (oops, I’m not trying to). And hopefully it’ll make me feel better.

1 day ago | [YT] | 2

ThatsRagtimeJazz

yeah so this is the lowest ive ever been.
my heart feels like a giant bruise

2 days ago | [YT] | 3

ThatsRagtimeJazz

So my favorite chicken that I’ve had for 6 years just died…
I can’t make this up anymore.
I’m starting to feel like Job, but like Job I will remain loyal and determined. I will get through this.

2 days ago | [YT] | 5

ThatsRagtimeJazz

Vent. (Tw: animal death)




I just lost my goat with her unborn kid. She dropped dead out of nowhere, no signs of why. I hate it when my dad says he has bad news. But never in a million years would I have guessed it was her. She was perfectly fine, going to start my first ever herd with her kids.
I got her in march 2025 and she had an amazing year, doing great for her first year and she was my first ever goat. We won first place a couple of times but that doesn’t even matter because it was just nice to be with her.
She was just about the sweetest thing on the planet, very friendly, always got upset when I would leave. I loved her so much.

I tried not to cry at first. I lasted like 30 minutes, but when I hugged my friend’s mom (she’s like my second mom) I couldn’t stop the tears any longer.
2026 has absolutely been the worst year of my life so far.

3 days ago | [YT] | 6

ThatsRagtimeJazz

Update I’m doing better. I talked to Натан for like an hour this morning. Still feeling down but the thoughts have been quieter so that’s good.

6 days ago | [YT] | 3

ThatsRagtimeJazz

WHY is this blowing up im scared 😰
youtube.com/shorts/J0IXEqh3e8...

6 days ago | [YT] | 2

ThatsRagtimeJazz

Madagascar ❤️
youtube.com/shorts/nj0_es9zVq...

1 week ago | [YT] | 1

ThatsRagtimeJazz

This is so cool!

1 week ago | [YT] | 2

ThatsRagtimeJazz

Tw: vent, su!cide (I really hate that word :( )









One flight of stairs, the corner, type 4 letters, the hashtag, the safe clicks open. Grab my dad’s revolver off the door, take it out of the holster. Take the ammo can on top, pop the lid, dig through the different boxes and find the nine mil. Pop the cartridge, load one round, maybe two to be safe. Switch the safety, with shaking hands put the muzzle to my temple, pull back the hammer. Try to find the strength to pull the trigger.

I know I could never do it. I can’t even bear to think about what would happen next. It’s enough to make me sick. I can’t go, of course not. My purpose is too great.

But last night, for one horrifying moment, everything hung in the balance. Suddenly there was a great void which swallowed up my reason, whispered that I was no good in this life, better luck in the next.

And the worst part is, I almost believed it. I almost considered it. I’d had horrible feelings before, of course, but never this close. Never this real, this possible. One staircase away. And this way could never fail.

But no. I am stronger than this. To die is cowardice. To live is to fight. If I shall go it shall be with honor. I am ashamed that the thought even crossed my mind. Things are so hard. But it’s better to live and fail the small things than to die, for that is an even greater loss. Life is so beautiful, I love life, truly I do. I think I had forgotten that. There is so much to live for.

I don’t think I’ll ever be honest on those doctor’s office tests. I can’t admit it. I can’t have it weighing on me. My record will remain clean.

So I will live.

1 week ago | [YT] | 4