Romy's Mystical Realm - Romy Marx

Feathered Lies & Patio Crimes: The Glenda Chronicles

When Doves Invade: My Feathered Freeloader with an Attitude
So here I am, back from a peaceful 2.5-week getaway in Cape Town, blissfully unaware that while I was off sipping wine and avoiding responsibilities, my patio was being turned into a maternity ward.
Let me back up. A few years ago, I survived what I now refer to as The Great Pigeon Siege of ‘22. Picture this: pigeons (the uninvited, roof-scratching, sleep-depriving kind) broke into my ceiling — yes, broke in — and decided to raise a feathery family right above my bedroom. Every night, just as I closed my eyes, I was met with the skrrr-skrrr-skrrr of tiny talons tap dancing across my sanity. It got so bad, I had to get the body corporate involved. Holes were patched, pigeons evicted, therapy considered.
So now, understandably, I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with the species. Mostly hate. If I even see one near my patio, I go full suburban exorcist: loud claps, dramatic “SHOO!” noises, a spiritual cleansing with mop water. They know I’m not the one.
Fast forward to yesterday.
I’m chilling on my patio with some mates, casually gaming and minding my own business, when in floats this brazen little feathered floozy. She keeps trying to enter the patio like she owns the place. I named her Glenda the Egg Witch. (It suits her — don’t ask.)
Every time I shoo her off, she swoops back in with the resilience of a door-to-door sales rep. Eventually, she’s perched on the actual water drainage pipes, peering around the corner into the patio like:
“Soooo... are you gonna let me in, or do I need to call the Dove Union?”
My friends suggest I just leave her and see what she’s up to.
And what do we find?
A nest. A whole damn nest. Inside my wooden patio drawer, neatly tucked like it’s a 5-star bird hotel. And yes — there are eggs. TWO EGGS. Glenda is out here living rent-free, preparing for full-on motherhood on my property.
Now here’s where it gets a bit morally gray. I may or may not have briefly considered relocating the entire nest to my downstairs neighbour’s patio (they’re away for a week — it’s perfect timing). But then another friend, sensing both the chaos and comedy in all this, says:
“You need to blog about this.”
So here I am. Blogging about my unwanted bird tenant.
This morning, I greeted Glenda like the civilised landlady I am, and do you know what she did? She looked me dead in the eye like:
“Yes? Can I help you? Do I interrupt you when you’re incubating the future?”
Google tells me dove eggs take around 14 to 16 days to hatch, but since I don’t know how long she’s been nesting here (could be Day 1 or Day 13), I’m now just stuck in this weird Airbnb-host-meets-midwife limbo.
So yeah. This is the start of my dove drama. Stay tuned for the next episode of:
“Feathered Lies & Patio Crimes: The Glenda Chronicles.”
Updates pending. Send strength... and earplugs.

#RomysRealmOfExtraordinaryTales
#TheGlendaChronicles
#BirdDrama
#UnexpectedRoommate
#FeatheryFiasco
#WhenDovesSquat
#PatioInvasion
#NestflixAndNoChill
#DoveDiaries
#PigeonPTSD

8 months ago | [YT] | 0

Romy's Mystical Realm - Romy Marx

8 months ago | [YT] | 0