Erin the Enby

I don't think I've ever explained my gender and transition in depth before. Let's do that :3
(buckle up, this post is going to be a long one lol)


For most of my life, I was living as a boy - but, obviously, after a while, I realized that just wasn't right for me.
When I started my transition, I identified as a trans girl, and presented explicitly feminine. Over time, though, as I became more comfortable with myself the longer I was on HRT, my presentation slowly shifted away from femininity and more towards masculinity.

I think at the start, I just had a subconscious desire to fit in somewhere - likely due to the fact that I had never even (knowingly) met another trans person in real life before - so I just took on pretty much every transfem stereotype I could find online. Looking back, I don't fault myself too much for this, I was young and didn't know where else to look, but I now realize most of the tropes I took on just don't truly fit me.
(There is also something to be said about how the general trans community online is almost entirely built on stereotypes, but that's a whole separate rant)


I hated being seen as a guy to other people - except now I actively present masculine and get assumed to be a guy pretty often, and I don't mind it at all. So what changed?

Well, after I was on HRT for 6 months or so, I started passing as a girl.
I remember the first time I got gendered correctly in public very well - I went out with my mom to go clothes shopping in person for the first time since coming out, and we were at the mall. Like I'm sure there are in a lot of malls, there were people in the middle of the walkways trying to advertise things. Normally, they're an annoyance; however, on this one shopping trip, not one, not two, but *three* of them called out to us with "hey ladies!" as we were walking past.

Again, this was my first time being gendered correctly in public - and it happened thrice in one day!! The amount of euphoria I felt from that day was amazing 🤍🩷🩵

So what does this have to do with me now being comfortable being registered as a guy?
Well, over the next few months, I started being consistently gendered as a girl. And, after a while, that subconsciously inspired me to start experimenting a bit more. I had seen that I could be read as a girl if I wanted to, so why not see what else I could do with my gender?


Over the following year and a half, pretty much everything about my gender slowly started shifting less feminine and more masculine. (And honestly, that's still going on now - I think I'm going to be cutting my hair fully short next month, actually!)

I went through a few different mindsets about my gender. For example, I identified as genderfae for a while, which basically means genderfluid between girl and non-binary. I went from going by she/her, to she/they, to they/them. As for the labels I use currently, I am now a trans non-binary butch lesbian!

Now, I present very explicitly masculine - I've shaved the side of my head, never wear any makeup at all, and honestly love the fact that my chest ended up being small enough that I can easily hide it by wearing a baggier shirt.

Again, I get assumed to be a guy pretty often now because of it, but I'm fine with it, because now it's my own doing! It turns out there's a BIG difference between being seen as a guy because of factors outside of my control, and being seen as a guy because I actively choose to present masculine.
Also, it's definitely not the same type of masculinity. Intentional, butch masculinity feels incredibly different from presenting masculine as a cis guy just because society told you that you should - and in my case, a lot more right!

I'm incredibly grateful that I was able to get on HRT so I could be given the freedom to feel comfortable with and experiment with my gender, I wouldn't be where I am today without it


I also am very confident in being non-binary - I tried being both a boy and a girl, and it turns out neither was right. I could try to find a specific label that fits my gender, like I did when I used the label of genderfae, but I've settled on just using the umbrella term of non-binary. It just isn't worth the hassle of constantly having to explain what a microlabel means lol
My gender is somewhere outside of the traditional idea of men and women, and I just don't feel the need to specify it any more than that



So that's where my gender has ended up now! I am confidently a trans, non-binary, butch lesbian, who was able to figure out I actually enjoy (butch) masculinity due to the freedom to experiment with my gender that HRT gave me.
Props to anyone who managed to make it through this whole explanation! I know most people probably won't, but I hope at least a few of you enjoyed hearing me rant about my gender :3c

4 days ago | [YT] | 159

Erin the Enby

I went to decorate the Christmas tree with my family this year, and this is how we found two of our ornaments stuck together. It's insane how well they fit together like this LMAO

1 week ago | [YT] | 84

Erin the Enby

You know, recently, I started looking up covers of the songs from Hazbin Hotel's second season. But then I realized - So many of the covers I'm finding are just made by AI. I hate it so much 😭
Purely AI generated content is already stolen enough, why are we actively feeding AI algorithms with songs people put their heart and soul into just to hear a slightly different version of them? It just feels so disrespectful to the amazingly talented people who actually made the songs. This bubble can't burst soon enough

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 80

Erin the Enby

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 221

Erin the Enby

YouTube recap stuff :3
(plus every artist badge I've gotten this year. there are a lot of them LOL)

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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 82

Erin the Enby

‪@drspectred‬​​ Got some big numbers watching you score big numbers :3

Those points put into predictions to save up for VIP really stacked up LOL

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 69

Erin the Enby

Update: I did in fact decide to make my own guide for the Roaring Knight! It's been coming along very nicely :3
I'm about 90% of the way through the script now, just going over it one last time and making some finishing touches before I record the voiceover. I have pretty much all the footage I need already, too, so after that, all I'll have to do is edit everything together. It shouldn't be too much longer until it's out!

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 93

Erin the Enby

I came across a really cool kickstarter recently that I want to share!

It started out as a fundraiser to archive 10 years worth of documenting butch experiences, but now they're pushing for a stretch goal of making a whole book out of them.
As a butch lesbian myself, I would absolutely love to have a whole book of nothing but pure, uncensored butch stories - there really isn't a lot of representation for us out there, so it would be amazing to have a whole book full of it. There's a short video on the kickstarter page that explains it much better than I ever could

They're currently at a bit over 15,000 out of the 20,000 dollars they need to make the book, with 10 days left for the kickstarter!

Here's the link to it for anyone else interested: www.kickstarter.com/projects/butchisnotadirtyword/…

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1 month ago | [YT] | 88

Erin the Enby

You know, now that Shayy... well, if you know you know, I'm honestly considering making a guide for Deltarune Chapter 3's secret boss similar to the one they made, because there doesn't seem to be another one as comprehensive out there. I got a very good handle on the fight after spending 2 hours beating a harder version of it - including the 3rd phase attacks, which they didn't cover in their guide.

It might be a bit much work on top of the 40 hours of footage from my blind playthrough of the new chapters... but I'm tempted

1 month ago | [YT] | 116