Natural Flowism Studios

I recently used this collage, which I made @AdobeExpress in a @tiktok  remix short I created for my vinyl LP
Down on the Street
@elasticStage
elasticstage.com/soundcloud/releases/lavinia-de-ay…

It is the music I created about incidents that began during the late 80s and early 90s, some of which remain relevant to this day, unfortunately.

Sitting in front windows of the living room floor, which looked out onto Powis Square park in front of the sliding kitchen door of the flat we had lived in from spring 1985 to about the summer of 1995.

There is so much I wish I knew and understood at that time about myself, the people around me, the world, and society in general.

I mentioned in one of my other posts how differently each individual can experience and emerge from traumatic incidents. Even if it occurs at the same time, there is the general effect it has on people as well as the individual way it affects each person and the way that might make them respond.

I just wanted to share what was for me a bit of a revelation as I continued to face a similar pattern of challenges. I always believed that if I could find what I needed to change within me, I could get any issues over with and move on. Of course, I never quite took full inventory of how much effort a person would be prepared to put in to disrupt such a result!

Blame can carry such a heavy and burdensome weight, adding to trauma, which is often times an important factor which can be overlooked, especially after traumatic incidents have ended and have seemingly long forgotten about in a relatable or recognisable way.

Just as I sat on the floor, dressed in a yellow suit I made for myself, no doubt made out of £0.50p per yard fabric swith that far away look on my face which hadn't changed since I attended Mary Boon Secondary School for Girls from the mid 70s in West Kensington. Also placed in the collage is the bathroom of the home we moved into on the Kennington Park Estate from summer 1995.

Everything happens for a reason, and I have certainly felt that feeling of "you woke up too late." Having trusted and thought the better of people, and the reality I was actually in. Though, not completely, but at least in part down to being unaware of personal injuries and how that led to perception casualties and incapacities.

Having written at length about the external effects of life, which can often feel like being stressed stretched and overextended, I returned to myself. I can not even say it felt like just a question it was like a mixture of many things, which resulted in me realising that along the course of my life, though unintentionally, I must not have broken a trauma bond with lack, poverty, depravity in the form of scarcity and whatever else goes with that like the consideration of how much time it can take if you can even recognise to what or who you have remained bonded to which maybe still being keeping maintaining destructive choices or other possibly invisible to you patterns.

Two or more people can be traumatised in the same way, yet one can form a bond in their response to their trauma, which sees them survive and thrive into success, abundance, and endless riches. Whilst the other persons response yields the opposite with neither actually being to blame.

In that one grateful living room in that flat in londons notting hill gate, I wrote to myself so many times, as I at times I learnt things the hard way even though I didn't want to. The place was such a blessing, though I found it difficult to fully perceive that at times.

Life, thankfully, has a momentum of education on all sides even if you are experiencing the less visible side of the lessons meant for you.

I had long equated getting an education to adverse childhood incidents and being forcibly traumatised, which I eventually found the strength of mind to replace with more positive and enjoyable associations unaware fully where being an artist or my love of travel would take me.

Thanks for reading, listening, and watching 👀
#laviniadeayr 
@naturalflowismstudios 
Where Therapy is the Process
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!

1 week ago | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

Different memories and moments can mean different things to people.

It can also be the same with trauma when two people, or a family or group of people can experience the identical or similar traumatic incident yet all emerge from it in different ways with totally different outcomes, capacities, capabilities, weaknesses, and strengthens either by remaining bonded to their trauma knowingly or unknowingly or unbonding. I had almost forgotten recently that I had looked so neat and put together in my life, having had both responses at different phases and times in my life.

During one phase of my life, I had the strength to unbond from what had traumatised me, doing every and anything possible to move on in life. Yet, in another phase and time of my life, a series of incidents outside of my knowledge, know-how, and control left me seemingly unable to unbond and move on when I felt I needed to be powering ahead.

This picture was taken some 30 years ago, where I used to live as a young mom in the powis square area of Notting Hill Gate in a modern block of flats off Powis Square Park, which is also situated opposite the tabernacle.

I haven't been able to restore this photo yet, but I remember loving the blue colour-roll wallpaper behind me. This was when you not only wallpapered a room but layered the wallpaper with a border.

I am so grateful, still for a very poignant time in our lives upon which much progress was built.
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!
#laviniadeayr
www.naturalflowism.com/

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

All the best of strength to us all, in the blessings peace and harmony of 2026. I dare to say it like this, though it may not be understood by everybody, may whatever challenges we all face or continue to endure show us all the love we need to love ourselves fully, for the good of ourselves, and the good of all concerned.

This is not so much as a sneak peek into my next video.

This is just word to what I have been already sharing from Tiktok, where I have been having fun remixing the 10 second previews of my own tracks with other artist sounds.

It is no gimmick or ploy when I say I struggled to feel confident with my music due to my own levels of unhealed internal criticism and fear.

Entering the online reality of life, the way I did with the subjects I first wrote about was vastly different from the world and presence I actually wanted to build. Nothing I did looked like I really wanted.

At times, I missed the deeper meaning of gratitude. I was actually trying to achieve so caught up in trying to control life and timeliness, which were not only out of my control, but also not my business because their is a presence greater than me as a human.

The entanglement of my own pain, suffering, and blinkeredness in the midst of trying to stay on my own path and mind my own business had me worn down and worn out.

For a long time, years. I couldn't even stand the sound of my own music. I did not know what to do with it. By this time, unemployment hit, incidents, and their effects began unravelling years of suppressing oppression began escaping rising to the surface to be noticed and healed.

I have been beyond lucky and blessed in my life.

Though I had studied graphic design and project management at diploma level, there were areas of my studies I had not been able to translate into employability outside my own companies. My vision was OK for me, yet I was just unable to connect to the standard I saw as market or industry level.

It was slow, but the cog I needed to tick did, and I was able to begin @AdobeExpress  which helped re-visualise my projects.

Eventually, what felt like miraculous to me I started feeling and connecting with my music again.

There can be a lot of descent toward electronic music because of how convenient it can be.

Dedication to the craft, whatever that is for the individual, at least for me, never changes it is just a case of being able to better manage any obstacles or internal interference to what seems like progress or have enough patience with what is your own process.

What has been a really beautiful, surprising journey is feeling strengthened by revisiting old photos, with the help of modern technology.

Toward the late 80s into the early 90s, I set about trying to become a backing singer. Not knowing how computing I studied as early as 1984 would shape and change the world of music, making it possible to become an independent artist.

For years, I left my soundcloud presence desolate, tracks seemingly broken. Again, for some time, I was unable to pay it any attention. Time changes things, I have two vinyl records available, and I'm working on the third. The themes and some tracks are overlapping per LP, giving the listener a mix of my works or the chill of my instrumental works or the intensity of the journey of the incidents and lyrics www.soundcloud.com/naturalflowism

As a solo artist, it is a great day for me when I can translate exactly how I feel directly into a free style lyric and align that with a free flow musically because, theoretically, I still feel tormented, and performing live or livish still challenges me at time continually.

I get approached by streaming and distribution promoters what feels like all the time.

Apart from  @TuneCore  distribution and  @SoundCloud  amplifier. I share my music in relevant places and let it do whatever it does for each person.

Thanks for listening
Thanks for watching 👀
Thanks for the likes
#laviniadeayr
 @naturalflowismstudios 
Where Therapy is the Process!
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

Now Out on Vinyl
B.F.A.M.E ep
Soundcloud.com
 ‪@elasticStage‬ ​
elasticstage.com/soundcloud/releases/lavinia-de-ay…

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

Check out Down on the Street [compilation vinyl]
elasticstage.com/soundcloud/releases/lavinia-de-ay…
soundcloud.com have teamed up with elasticstage.com to create a new feature that allows artist to create a physical copy of their music straight to vinyl.

I decided to take a leap of faith and give it a try.

There is nothing like achievement after a hard struggle with faith and confidence.

Getting to vinyl is something I had thought about doing sometime ago, I just didn't know what it would take for me to be able to get it done, so to be able to do this at this time is a real unexpected and pleasant surprise for me.

My music can be found in the following genres: Alternative, ambient, trap, instrumental, secular gospel, folk/singer-songwriter, and spokenword.

The vinyl and actual cover story is in part a musical history about life from the mid 80s-90s old haunts, tramping grounds, and days out making the best of life...what memories. I just love how this collage came together. I thought I had actually lost these old photos.

#laviniadeayr

1 month ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

PLEASURE. PAIN. SELF-HEALIING. FREEDOM.
BRAIN HEALTH MATTERS!
www.soundcloud.com/naturalflowism
#laviniadeayr

1 month ago | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

I am still healing my brain 🧠 with the poetry and the brushes!
Thanks for visiting my channel
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!

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1 month ago | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

Celebrating 10 Years of Writing ✍️ the Natural Flowism Bookseries based at Amazon and Expanded Distribution Stores
www.amazon.co.uk/stores/author/B00YAXFQN4

Thanks for watching 👀 reading 📚 and listening 🎶
Natural Flowism
A Freedom of Being!

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1 month ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Natural Flowism Studios

#naturalflowismbookseries

10 months ago | [YT] | 1

Natural Flowism Studios

It was June 2022. I had taken delivery of a new for me but refurbished laptop, which I began testing out. What do you know...to me, once i started monologue, the way I was expressing started sounding like a mix of a radio 📻 podcast talk to yourself style theatre show. I just went with it. I was off work injured, ending up unemployed for a while, fast forward, and it is June 2024. I'm unemployed again...continue to delve deep into sharing my personal experiences of being stalked and dealing with rape, rape culture, and a culture of stalking in the workplace, in housing, even affecting some medical situations.

These shows are a mix of my monologuing, dialoging, singing, spokenword, musical, and drama styles.


I use simple format to get my recordings done through this free flow therapeutic process.


February 2025, I returned to update images for shows. Shows are currently available directly through my website.

I'm still working on pulling it all together. So, the free flow audio journals are available on my website whilst all the images are here on YouTube for now.

Thanks for visiting my channel here @naturalflowismstudios Where Therapy is the Process!
#laviniadeayr
Natural Flowism ™️
A Freedom of Being!

10 months ago | [YT] | 1