Treasure Hunters Digital

So, Here you go....

It is difficult to talk about yourself. Part of you wants to share, perhaps the selfish or egoist part—and let's be honest, whether we like it or not, we are all a little narcissistic. But the point of this is to map my mental health journey. I want to create a "mind map" for myself so that one day I can look back and better understand where I’ve been.
According to my psychiatrist and psychologist, I am better today. But the thing about trauma is that you never truly "recover." You learn to live with it. You learn to distinguish what you are feeling from why you are feeling it.
I have ADHD and other disorders, including personality issues. Before this journey, I was in deep trouble—paranoid and struggling with every symptom of complex PTSD. But becoming a father changed everything. My objective became clear: I could not be selfish like my parents were. If I didn't fix myself, my daughter would suffer, and that isn't fair. She didn't ask for any of this, just as I didn't ask for my parents' problems.

A Childhood of Tension and Escape
I was born in 1986. My childhood seemed fine to outsiders until about 1991, but the reality was different. My mother was in an unhappy arranged marriage to my father, who came from extreme poverty. Between their background differences and an age gap of over ten years, they were like the North and South Pole. I was the first child, so I took the hit of their marriage tension.
I had to focus on books just to stop being scared all the time. Tragically, I was abused by a neighbor and relatives. That was my first introduction to sex. I didn't tell my parents because why would I add more trouble to their lives? I even remember stealing pornographic magazines from my abuser just to see if any form of pleasure actually existed in sex.
I became incredibly impulsive. I stole money, made trouble, and ran away from home—subconsciously screaming for attention. Instead, I got beaten like no tomorrow. My mother loved me, but she was depressed and "vomited" her unhappiness onto me through physical punishment. My father refused to get her psychiatric help because, back then, it was seen as shameful to go to a "crazy doctor".
We lived in poverty—carrying buckets of water from the street, eating the same meal every week, never traveling. My only rescue came when I stole money to buy my first books: Jules Verne and Sherlock Holmes.

The Australia Chapter: Running Away
Eventually, I moved to Australia. My father didn't want me to go, but my mother realized she couldn't take care of me properly and that I needed to escape to survive. I remember her crying at the airport; it felt like her heart was being ripped out.
I was supposed to become an accountant, but I couldn't finish my degree on time. I realized I couldn't do things on my own, especially painful things like studying. I messed up big time. A four-year degree took me seven years. I wasted money on drugs and alcohol because I was desperate to be accepted and prove my value. I was self-sabotaging, scared that educated people would see my weaknesses.
I was living like a zombie—walking around at 7:00 AM smelling of sweat, cigarettes, and alcohol. Fortunately, I had friends during that time who literally saved my life.

The Breakdown and The Rebirth
My life turned around when I met my wife. She opened the door to travel and helped me open up. We moved to Paris, where I had to start over at 30 years old—no French, no friends, no job. I was constantly tense, always making Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C, never truly present.
The breaking point came when we moved to Union Island.
Within one year, three things happened:
My father died.
I had major issues with my boss (who reminded me of my past).
My daughter was born.
All the years of holding back my PTSD, ADHD, and fear just collapsed.
I started intense therapy. It was exhausting—after every session, I felt like I had climbed Mount Everest without training. But I changed. I became more "aggressive," meaning I stopped being a "yes man." I learned to say no and set boundaries. This was hard for my wife because she had married the old version of me, and this sudden change was brutal for her.
Physically, the change was amazing. I went from 64kg to 76kg because my body finally left "fight or flight" mode. I stopped burning energy on constant stress. My metabolism changed so much that I even have to do stomach massages now to help with digestion.

Where I Am Today
I am currently in a transition period. The "new me" doesn't have a concrete goal yet. My old hobbies, like photography and YouTube, feel less important, and my creativity has gone down. I am struggling with procrastination and trying to balance my desire to create with the reality of needing to study for upcoming exams.
I need to have a conversation with my "old self" to fix these bad habits. I need to build discipline, which was impossible for me before.
Most importantly, I am doing this to break the cycle. My parents made the mistake of being too busy for themselves while bringing life into the world. I want to change this generational trauma. It’s not about me anymore; it’s about my responsibility to my family. It is not easy, but I have to do it.

5 months ago | [YT] | 0

Treasure Hunters Digital

🛑 What is happening with me.:
Okay, let me try to put all this into my own words. It’s all such a mess in my head. I know this is just me talking to a computer but maybe getting it out like this helps me understand it.

So, I'm thinking about my pills. The Ritalin I take for my ADHD, it's like... it works for maybe an hour? I get this little moment of feeling clear, but then it just goes away so fast. And right after, I get so, so sleepy. I think maybe it's because my depression is just so big, you know? It’s like my brain is already so low on energy, so low on the happy chemicals, that the Ritalin just doesn't have enough to work with. It's like trying to light a fire with wet wood, it just sputters out. And then I have the crash. I guess it's a good sign that it works at all, but it disappears so quick.

And the thing about being home alone is so weird. I don’t get it. At my job, I can work. I actually work better when I’m alone at work. But at home? If I'm alone, I do nothing. I just sit on the floor. I think it’s because my whole childhood I was always told what to do, in school or whatever. I never had to decide for myself. So now, at work, there are rules and things I *have* to do. It’s a structure. But at home, there’s no structure. I have to make it myself and I just… can’t. I don't know how to start. It feels like I'm not a competent person on my own. It's better when my wife and daughter are here. Maybe just hearing them in the house gives me a little bit of energy or a reason to move. It's a clear sign that I can't be autonomous, I guess.

The mornings are the worst, between like 9 a.m. and noon. I look around and I see all the things I know I should do, and I have the time to do them, but there's something stopping me. My brain just freezes, maybe it's the anxiety of having to choose and start. So I just tell myself, "I'll do it later," but I never do. And my brain never stops thinking. Never. I think that's why I feel like I need the stimulant, to make my brain shut up for a second. The idea of not thinking at all is also scary, it makes me anxious. Am I the only one like that? It's like my brain doesn't know how to be quiet and calm.

But I think the biggest thing is this… a year ago, I was super depressed and really anxious, but I was still doing things. I was doing my photography, making YouTube videos. I was a dreamer. Now, after a year of these medicines, the Effexor and stuff… I don’t have that horrible anxiety anymore, which should be good, right? But I don’t have anything anymore. The creativity is gone. The energy is gone. The dreams are gone.

I have this theory… maybe I'm so used to living with high anxiety that I don't know how to live without it. It’s like, the anxiety was my fuel. It was a horrible, painful fuel, but it made me move. Now the medicine took the anxiety away, and I'm glad, but it feels like it took all the good things too. It's like what you said about an obese person losing all the weight overnight. It’s too sudden. My body, my brain, doesn't know how to function in this new state. It’s kind of got lost.

So now I’m just here. I’m not thinking of hurting myself, don’t worry. But I have no reason to get off the floor. I have this energy in me, I think it's my hormones or something, but I can't move forward. I refuse to tell myself I'm just lazy. There's something more going on. It feels like I'm not used to having no anxiety, and maybe that’s the whole problem right now. I just... don't have a clue what's going on.

10 months ago | [YT] | 1

Treasure Hunters Digital

I do not like photography anymore.

I don't enjoy my life anymore I do not like going out to enjoy the nature. It's been more than one year that I am searching for the meaning of life, and since the passing of my father then problem at work, then the birth of my child and a busy lifestyle made me extremely tired and even worse it opened the door of my childhood memories. The good news is that my daughter and my wife is keeping me motivated. But at the same time, it's pretty tiring to drag myself to move forward. I have all the medical helps necessary but at this point I think I have to be honest with myself and saying that I am not doing well. On top of that I need to keep working in order to pay the bills and last thing I want is to do anything at all. I'm not looking forward to have your sympathy because that's not objective of this post. I do feel guilty though to not do or create anything for the people who have been following me for a long time. The future videos you will see here they were luckily pre-recorded so I'm not going to be active for God knows how long or ever. I love you bye-bye.

10 months ago | [YT] | 0

Treasure Hunters Digital

Please Critic My Photo. Edited with Silver Efex.

1 year ago | [YT] | 2

Treasure Hunters Digital

🛑 Great News,
I am making videos on Silkypix 12. Stay tuned.

1 year ago (edited) | [YT] | 2

Treasure Hunters Digital

🛑 An Announcement.
https://youtu.be/ztCfhNADMwk

1 year ago | [YT] | 0

Treasure Hunters Digital

🛑 Announcement:
My all Topaz Labs software review and tutorial videos will be offline and all the affiliate links will be removed until further notice due to some technical issues.
By next week I should have an answer for you. Until then, apologies for the inconvenience.

‪@topazlabs‬​

1 year ago (edited) | [YT] | 2

Treasure Hunters Digital

https://youtu.be/ykpDqaYFUD0

1 year ago | [YT] | 0

Treasure Hunters Digital

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1 year ago | [YT] | 0

Treasure Hunters Digital

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Apply This Code : PAR_481059249_295506WJY5DR
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Click this Link: tidd.ly/4f0LO40

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1 year ago | [YT] | 0