Football Literature

When Lamine Yamal said they would come back, he meant they would not remain in Madrid. They would come back to Barcelona. You gerrit?

1 day ago | [YT] | 1

Football Literature

satire lives here, bro.

1 day ago | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

Arsenal and trophies are like food and hunger. When you start eating even salty food tastes good until you are almost full. That's Arsenal. They start every Sean like prime Brazil only to finish like Zabalababalakabata FC.

4 days ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

Do you know the most consistent club in Europe today ?


We don't need to check that. Arsenal of course.


Bro, Arsenal have been in the headlines for the past four years.  


Three times they have finished second. First it was against Manchester City. We thought Arteta just didn't want to beat Pep Guardiola because he's like a father to him. That was understandable. 


But when Arne Ane Slot came , Arsenal still willingly finished second. It became worrisome , I mean disturbing. And we even thought of naming Arsenal Netflix FC Alias Next Season.


Bro, I know that's not polite at all.


And when we thought Arsenal had changed completely, they willingly gave the Carabao Cup to Manchester City once again. So they finished second once more. If football were a religion, Arsenal would be the most credible church. While Arteta would be a saint sharing trophies generously. But we are not there yet 



And today they are back in the news. All their players have withdrawn from international duty. Not because someone chased them but because they were injured. Don't get me wrong I didn't say Mikel Arteta called them back to protect their first potential premier league trophy. 


And guess who taught Arteta this trick… 




Real Madrid. Arteta has learned that strength doesn't win trophies. Wisdom does.


That's why he doesn't trust Pep Guardiola anymore, even with a nine point lead. 


This is Football Literature, where satire lives. We don't judge anybody. We check things.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

Breaking: Inter Miami are building a stand in honor of Lionel Messi at their new stadium.
The club didn't say why. We didn't ask. We definitely didn't mention Ronaldo.

But if that's the agenda — Al Nassr would like a word. A full stadium's worth of a word. For someone whose name we also didn't mention.

The GOAT debate has officially left the pitch. It's in the architecture now.

This is football literature where satire lives.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 1

Football Literature

Rodri Says Nobody Tried to Pit Him Against Vinicius.

We Have Checked.

Rodri said: "They tried to put Vinicius and me against each other for no reason. I have huge respect for him and for everything he did that year."

We appreciate this statement. We examined it carefully. Then we found the other statement.
In a separate interview, Rodri revealed that if he had voted, Vinicius would have been his third choice — behind Dani Carvajal in second place.

We are not saying these two statements are in conflict. We are simply placing them next to each other and stepping back.
Now let us go through what happened at the 2024 Ballon d'Or, slowly, because some of it still requires processing.

Vinicius scored 24 goals and added eleven assists that season. Real Madrid won the Champions League and LaLiga. He scored a brace against Bayern Munich in the Champions League semi-finals.

He also went to the Copa America with Brazil and played poorly. This last detail turned out to be expensive.

The final margin between the two players was 41 points. Forty-one points. In an award voted on by journalists. We have nothing to add to this sentence.

When Real Madrid found out the result before the ceremony, the entire club boycotted the event. None of the nominated players attended.

Jude Bellingham did not go. Mbappe did not go. Carvajal did not go. They stayed home. Together. In protest.

Rodri then filmed a viral video at the ceremony appearing to mock Vinicius, who was not there to respond. ( Rodri has since explained this. We have read the explanation. We are continuing to examine it.

Cristiano Ronaldo later said the result was "unfair" and that Vinicius should have won. Rodri said he was "surprised" that Ronaldo would say this, given that Ronaldo knows how the award works.

Ronaldo has won the award five times. He is familiar with how it works. He has opinions about how it should work. These are not always the same thing.

Rodri also revealed he did not prepare a speech because he genuinely did not know he was going to win.

The man won the Ballon d'Or without preparing anything. This is either humility or very good acting. We are still checking.
In the end, Rodri has the trophy. Vinicius has the Champions League medal. Ronaldo has five Ballon d'Ors and strong opinions. Real Madrid has a boycott on its CV.

Rodri also mentioned, in passing, that he does not have social media and does not have tattoos. He said this as if it explained something. We are not sure what it explains. We are noting it all the same.

Here at Football Literature, we check things and don't judge anybody.
We are simply checking.

⚽ Football Literature — where football is the most widely read book in the world.Rodri Says Nobody Tried to Pit Him Against Vinicius.

We Have Checked.

Rodri said: "They tried to put Vinicius and me against each other for no reason. I have huge respect for him and for everything he did that year."

We appreciate this statement. We examined it carefully. Then we found the other statement.
In a separate interview, Rodri revealed that if he had voted, Vinicius would have been his third choice — behind Dani Carvajal in second place.

We are not saying these two statements are in conflict. We are simply placing them next to each other and stepping back.
Now let us go through what happened at the 2024 Ballon d'Or, slowly, because some of it still requires processing.

Vinicius scored 24 goals and added eleven assists that season. Real Madrid won the Champions League and LaLiga. He scored a brace against Bayern Munich in the Champions League semi-finals.

He also went to the Copa America with Brazil and played poorly. This last detail turned out to be expensive.

The final margin between the two players was 41 points. Forty-one points. In an award voted on by journalists. We have nothing to add to this sentence.

When Real Madrid found out the result before the ceremony, the entire club boycotted the event. None of the nominated players attended.

Jude Bellingham did not go. Mbappe did not go. Carvajal did not go. They stayed home. Together. In protest.

Rodri then filmed a viral video at the ceremony appearing to mock Vinicius, who was not there to respond. ( Rodri has since explained this. We have read the explanation. We are continuing to examine it.

Cristiano Ronaldo later said the result was "unfair" and that Vinicius should have won. Rodri said he was "surprised" that Ronaldo would say this, given that Ronaldo knows how the award works.

Ronaldo has won the award five times. He is familiar with how it works. He has opinions about how it should work. These are not always the same thing.

Rodri also revealed he did not prepare a speech because he genuinely did not know he was going to win.

The man won the Ballon d'Or without preparing anything. This is either humility or very good acting. We are still checking.
In the end, Rodri has the trophy. Vinicius has the Champions League medal. Ronaldo has five Ballon d'Ors and strong opinions. Real Madrid has a boycott on its CV.

Rodri also mentioned, in passing, that he does not have social media and does not have tattoos. He said this as if it explained something. We are not sure what it explains. We are noting it all the same.

Here at Football Literature, we check things and don't judge anybody.
We are simply checking.

⚽ Football Literature — where football is the most widely read book in the world.

3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

Mo Salah Has Announced He Is Leaving Liverpool. We Have Checked.
On Tuesday, Mohamed Salah stood in front of his vast trophy collection and said: "Unfortunately, the day has come."


We at Football Literature have examined this statement carefully. The trophies were not an accident. That was a man making sure you counted them before he left.

Now let us go through the facts slowly, because some of them require a moment.
Salah will depart as a free agent, despite having 12 months still remaining on his contract.

Liverpool agreed to release him early. Both parties described this as a mutual decision. In football, when both parties describe something as mutual, it usually means one party had already packed their bag.

Earlier this season, Salah told reporters that his relationship with manager Arne Slot was nonexistent, and that someone at the club didn't want him there.

Liverpool responded by dropping him. Salah responded by granting an interview in a car park at Elland Road. We are not saying this was a good communication strategy. We are simply reporting what happened.

Salah signed a two-year contract extension last April — tying him to Liverpool until 2027 — after being the star player in the title-winning campaign.

He then had a difficult season and has now agreed to leave a year before that contract ends. In business, we call this buying something and returning it slightly used.
Let me also place the numbers before you, because they are important.

In nine years at Liverpool, Salah scored 255 goals in 435 appearances. His 281 goal contributions are the most by any player at a single club in Premier League history. (Managing Madrid) He also won two Premier Leagues, a Champions League, an FA Cup, two League Cups, a Club World Cup, a UEFA Super Cup, and a Community Shield.

This man did not come to Liverpool to try. He came to collect.
A 2021 study found that Salah's arrival in Liverpool led to a 16% reduction in hate crimes in the city, and a measurable decline in Islamophobic rhetoric online.

We have checked this figure. It is real. Salah scored goals and also, apparently, fixed society. Let me know if Arne Slot has done anything comparable.

As for what happens next — Salah's agent has confirmed he does not yet know where his client will play next season, though multiple Saudi Arabian clubs are reported to be interested.


We don't know where he is going. Salah doesn't know where he is going. His agent doesn't know. The Saudi clubs know. But they are not telling anyone yet. In that case, we move on.


Here at Football Literature, we check things and don't judge anybody.
What we will say is this: the man filmed his farewell speech in front of his trophies. Not in a training kit. Not on the pitch. In front of the trophies.

That is not an accident.
That is a chapter closing.

⚽ Football Literature — where football is the most widely read book in the world.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

A satire on rumours of an incorrect scan on Mbappe's knee.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

BREAKING NEWS ⚠️⚠️

Real Madrid medical staff examined Mbappe's knee that was never injured.

Now guys grab your pop corn and chair. Let's check this together. Mbappe was injured on the knee. Medics came to examine it. Unfortunately , they picked the wrong knee. The one that was never injured.
So what happened?

Four rules apply:

Rule number one. Even Mbappe was not aware of his injury. Florentino Perez or whoever that sees injuries at the club saw it and informed the medics. Mbappe was there waiting for the ball to score and continue strolling on the pitch.

Rule number two. Mbappe could feel pain but since his knees are identical like identical twins, he couldn't make the distinction. So, he inadvertently dragged the medics into that pool of confusion

Rule number three: Mbappe was never truly injured. Real Madrid faked it to give Valverde a chance to score a hat-trick and enter the Ballon d'Or conversation. Don't get me wrong. That's not what I said they told me. No one has contacted me. We move on, all the same.

Rule number four: Mbappe was sleeping while the doctors examined his knee. Don't you think this is the most credible rule since I started listing the rules above?
Bro, now listen up. If you are not yet planning to be a footballer, your entire life is wasted.

Footballers, apart from running with a ball on soft perfumed grass, don't do anything.

Let me show you how.

They have an agent who goes around discussing how money rolls into their back accounts. Don't say I'm lying because you are not a footballer.

When they fall on the pitch, people rush to carry them and give them water or chocolate. Don't say it's not true. Instead focus on what happens to you when you fall, like falling from a mango tree or a motorcycle.

I don't want to tell you my own story because you might think my mum is not as kind as yours. I fell from a mango tree one evening. While people were worried about my health, Mum handled me in a different way. Let me end here before she recalls the scene and changes the punishment.

Back to Mbappe, though. Perhaps the French man, the almighty captain of Les Bleus, was listening to some soft music while the medics were trying to locate the injured knee.

In that case, I don't have anything against anybody. The medics were doing their job like they do to players who dive in the penalty area to win a penalty for their team. I'm not saying that Mbappe is one of those players. Neither am I against those who say Real Madrid players, especially Vinicius , Mbappe and Brahim Diaz, are professional divers.

In the end, we are happy Mbappe has recovered from the injury. We don't know if the medics miraculously treated the injured like by examining the uninjured leg or if it was a kind of contamination effect where the uninjured knee became contagious.

Here at football literature, we check things and don't judge anybody.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 0

Football Literature

Football is the most widely read book in the world. Welcome to the library. The Best memes, trolls, commentaries you will find on the internet today.
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3 weeks ago | [YT] | 1