Most days, I’m okay. I laugh. I function. I breathe. And then I walk down the hallway to my apartment and break apart, because I know I’m about to open the door to a home without him.
Grief for a pet is strange.
How can I tell the world I’m fine, and then spend hours at night sobbing into my pillow because my little living teddy bear no longer curls up beside me, purring, content, just being close to me?
How do I explain clutching an urn the size of a thick novel, weeping over it, because somehow it holds half of my universe?
How do I explain opening tiny bags of his fur, running my fingers through it for just a moment, then sealing them shut again, afraid that even this might slip away from me?
“He was just a cat,” they say.
But he was never just a cat.
He was one of two small, soft souls who heard all my darkest thoughts and answered only with love— with gentle, greenish yellow eyes, and a warm tongue against my hand, as if to say, I’m here. I love you. Always.
Who watched my heartbreaks, my unreturned loves, my quiet disappointments, and wordlessly reminded me that anyone who couldn’t love me as deeply as he did would never be enough.
Who saw me stand before the mirror, picking myself apart, and brushed against my leg, whispering without words that I was more than what I saw.
Now the tears fall a little less often. But the days are still gray. My nights are restless. My heart still searches for him.
And I don’t yet know when this ache will loosen its hold.
It is with a very heavy heart that I am announcing that Bean has crossed the rainbow bridge.
8 years wasn't enough.
I'll miss his cuddles, the side eye he would give me whenever I got up.
I'll miss him dragging his favorite toy around, begging me to fling it around so he could be a real hunter.
I'll miss him being my little velcro kitty, always wanting to be near me.
There's so much I'll miss that I can't put into words.
8 years wasn't enough - I don't think any length of time would have been enough. We were so hopeful that he might pull through this - that once we got him on the right medicines, he would get better.
But when I found him this morning, laying in the litterbox, I knew something wasn't right. When I cuddled up to him like we did every morning and night, when he didn't purr, I knew he was telling me it was time. That whatever it was had won, and if I didn't want him to suffer, I had to let him go.
In 65 days, a kitten will be born with his soul, and I pray that the cat distribution system will guide that cat to me, the way Clyde did with Bean.
I hate making a post like this, but Bean's prognosis is not good. Im hoping with all my heart that this can be explained by him not eating much for a few weeks due to not liking the food, but I am also trying to mentally prepare myself for Bean not living much longer.
While I am myself not religious, if you could all keep Bean and myself in your thoughts as we navigate this, I would be so grateful. I know many of my kitties love and adore Turtle and Bean.
KittyLuLu
And remember chat, who's my favorite?
5 days ago | [YT] | 96
View 10 replies
KittyLuLu
Grief for a pet is strange.
Most days, I’m okay.
I laugh. I function. I breathe.
And then I walk down the hallway to my apartment
and break apart,
because I know I’m about to open the door
to a home without him.
Grief for a pet is strange.
How can I tell the world I’m fine,
and then spend hours at night
sobbing into my pillow
because my little living teddy bear
no longer curls up beside me,
purring, content,
just being close to me?
How do I explain
clutching an urn the size of a thick novel,
weeping over it,
because somehow it holds
half of my universe?
How do I explain
opening tiny bags of his fur,
running my fingers through it for just a moment,
then sealing them shut again,
afraid that even this
might slip away from me?
“He was just a cat,” they say.
But he was never just a cat.
He was one of two small, soft souls
who heard all my darkest thoughts
and answered only with love—
with gentle, greenish yellow eyes,
and a warm tongue against my hand,
as if to say,
I’m here. I love you. Always.
Who watched my heartbreaks,
my unreturned loves,
my quiet disappointments,
and wordlessly reminded me
that anyone who couldn’t love me
as deeply as he did
would never be enough.
Who saw me stand before the mirror,
picking myself apart,
and brushed against my leg,
whispering without words
that I was more
than what I saw.
Now the tears fall a little less often.
But the days are still gray.
My nights are restless.
My heart still searches for him.
And I don’t yet know
when this ache will loosen its hold.
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 75
View 7 replies
KittyLuLu
It is with a very heavy heart that I am announcing that Bean has crossed the rainbow bridge.
8 years wasn't enough.
I'll miss his cuddles, the side eye he would give me whenever I got up.
I'll miss him dragging his favorite toy around, begging me to fling it around so he could be a real hunter.
I'll miss him being my little velcro kitty, always wanting to be near me.
There's so much I'll miss that I can't put into words.
8 years wasn't enough - I don't think any length of time would have been enough. We were so hopeful that he might pull through this - that once we got him on the right medicines, he would get better.
But when I found him this morning, laying in the litterbox, I knew something wasn't right. When I cuddled up to him like we did every morning and night, when he didn't purr, I knew he was telling me it was time. That whatever it was had won, and if I didn't want him to suffer, I had to let him go.
In 65 days, a kitten will be born with his soul, and I pray that the cat distribution system will guide that cat to me, the way Clyde did with Bean.
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 57
View 12 replies
KittyLuLu
Hey ya'll,
I hate making a post like this, but Bean's prognosis is not good. Im hoping with all my heart that this can be explained by him not eating much for a few weeks due to not liking the food, but I am also trying to mentally prepare myself for Bean not living much longer.
While I am myself not religious, if you could all keep Bean and myself in your thoughts as we navigate this, I would be so grateful. I know many of my kitties love and adore Turtle and Bean.
With a heavy heart,
Kat
3 weeks ago | [YT] | 27
View 8 replies